The Ancient Ibicenco Fighting Art of Search Engine Optimisation

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Maltese Girls Update

So the previous Maltese girls optimization project isn't going quite to plan as yet, and so likely needs another good poke with some linkage.

There also appears to be something wrong with original image hosting not allowing us to shunt it, so the Mallorca lady is now showing at #23 instead of our target.

So we've had to re-host her ourselves (the chance would be a fine thing :) ..but are still linking at the host blog post, as we eventually want that to rank, not our re-hosted version.

the finest of Google's Maltese Girls...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Maltese Girls need Optimizing?

Right after our easy success with shuffling the Ibiza girls image searches around to be a bit more to our liking we're thinking we should probably do this for our neighbouring islands too?

Mallorca's isn't too bad, but Malta could do with some attention, between the pop stars and the Maltese Terrier dogs, its looking a bit limited..

As we now have a permanent outpost garrison stationed over here we ought to help sort it out a bit for them really, especially being as the local indigenous SEO crew don't seem to care at all, or haven't gotten round to it yet anyways...

They're probably far too busy worrying about "rankings and traffic" to get on with any of the really important SEO duties.. (And then they wonder why their ladies leave them so easily once conquered.. :)

So we dug back a bit and way back on page 3 at a lowly position #45 we found this young lady..

maltese girls

As it says in the caption (Click her to go there) no, Maltese Girls are not bad at all :)

..We knew that anyway, its just your image search results letting you down. ...give it a couple of weeks, Ibiza will sort it out for you ;)

Over and out.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

SEO Humor - Funny Google Searches

So the latest on SEO humor round-up..

First up, another funny pi$$take blog, (well hope so anyway, even funnier otherwise) ..this guys left a couple of comments on our blogs and so will likely notice this link.. we'll see soon.. :)

..Definitely worth a look when you're bored Optimize my Ass

And the last couple of weeks have been a bit slow on the funny search hits, but we have managed to round up a few suitably dry ones, and they're on a on a proper Ibiza celebrity hunting mission this time...

-first up we have..

  • Commando P*rn Guy - lol !
then the stalking begins:
  • dannii minogue home Ibiza where? - lol yes we'd like to know that too :)
  • Peaches Geldof Ibiza where?
  • San Joan Ibiza Jade Jagger house
Then we have some cheerful souls obviously wishing us all the best in the current situation:
  • crisis in Ibiza 2008 people have no money
  • the big freeze Ibiza
  • Ibiza f*cked
And amusingly (if somewhat predictably) the traffic to this hardly visited of places is up like 500% since the girlies did their stuff. :)

Yes.. ...well they are rather fine aren't they..? :)

But in conclusion, it does seem, strangely enough, that the global general population are more interested in (looking at pictures of) Ibiza's girls, than reading about Ibiza's SEO??!!


Sunday, December 14, 2008

Ibiza Girls Optimized!!

Remember this from 3 weekends ago? Ibiza Girls image optimization?

We basically decided that:

a) Google's impression of "Ibiza girls" didn't really do them justice..

b) We needed to experiment with image optimization sniperage a little..

Results are in, direct hit (#1 ;) with the primary target, and #8 for the secondary.

Now dont come round messing our SERPs up with your sub standard ladies any more

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Snipers strike

Since our sniper team moved to their forward OP and now take on any necessary deployments, spec ops can now get back to our real role of SEO Recon & CQSEO battle tactics

This generally involves long range missions scouting the enemy positions /strength, and then lying up waiting for the snipers to arrive and guiding their SERP strikes in.

This weekend's sniper targets are: Senior Resorts creating your dream lifestyle in La Vera Spain. This is a new development project underway, you'll be hearing more about this in time to come.

And a very talented young Ibiza Dance & Cabaret Production company's first website, and is also a little seo experiment to see if Google does have a look down nofollow links, or not.
Both are still works in progress but it's time to fire up the laser sights & guide the Googlebot strikes home..


Sunday, December 7, 2008

Ibiza Photography

Announcing Ibiza Photography the latest project from the SBS.

This is a particularly poorly defended target and a top 3 launch is possibly on the cards.

Initial targets defined as Ibiza photography / photographer / Ibiza weddings get the idea.

Again it's not finished yet, but the new owner is coming over for her user training tomorrow so she'll be finishing it off, now we're going to try and get it showing top 5 in Google before handover..

Spec ops, fire at will....

And a big shout to our favourite London photographer

Edit 12-12-08 - direct hit.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Malta & SEO ?

Ok listen up.

Word's coming in of dissent, or maybe even a small insurgency bubbling up over in our occupied territories, the Archipeligo of Malta SEO.

Spec ops have been dispatched with orders to deal with the uprising quickly, but without upsetting the locals too much if at all possible.

It's always the same in any of our occupied territory SERPs the natives do sometimes do get a bit restless but it's for their own good.

It's like the Roman invasions of old, we build infrastructures and pave the way for SEO progress (civilisation) to begin, even if their Darwinian clocks do run a little slower than ours.

After all it's Malta or more precisely Gozo where they "don't even believe in SEO" :)

...and even some who do believe in it, aren't very good at it, as HQ were contacted during the week by a local Maltese business with a website that was supposedly already under the care of a "local SEO company" for a year, and yet when we looked at their site, it was completely unoptimized.
Every page title was identical, and yet this "SEO company" were shameless enough to still put their link on the site.
Somewhat embarassing for them, but not surprising because they're not an SEO company at all, but rather just another web designer trying to cash in on SEO, and we all know what happens then don't we....?

But this company wasn't a good fit for us and we're far too busy to take on clients who arent a good fit, so we agreed it wasnt suitable for either party and disengaged.

If any of the local rebellion would like a hot lead on who may be currently looking for a good SEO company in Malta, please do get in touch on the details over at HQ and we'll pass the lead on.
(Tip, it will be a much quicker and easier way of getting SEO work than trying to outrank us ;) )
Ibiza out.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Keyword Snipers in Training

Ok listen up, here's some ultra rare footage of our legendary spec ops keyword sniper team in training at Marina Botafoch Ibiza. You can clearly see Ibiza old town in the background.

This particular candidate obviously failed (because of the personal phone call in the middle of the mission -fft!) but we think he'll pass the re-sit test.

shout to the LK for Ibiza town camerawork

and "Jessica" take note ;)

Sunday, November 30, 2008

R & R over

So all the talk of retirement for the old blogspot workhorse was maybe a little premature, she probably just needed a bit of a service, which she's had now, and is back ready for the next mission.

The Afgani SERP is now secure once again, and the lads are eagerly awaiting their 70 alloted virgins each from what we hear.

Also this week, one of the SEO Spec Ops Team established his own permanent OP over at Aries SEO and in all probability will likely be a right handful now he's free of what little discipline there is round here.

And whoever painted it pink, haha yes very funny now bloody well sort it out sharpish.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Retiring the Old Battle Horse?

There was once a time, way back in the long, long before, when this blogspot weaponry was more than enough for the spec ops group.

It was never a mighty battle horse but was trusty and reliable steed, and has at times seen great glory, including the "Microsofts free websites" campaign which continues on in greatness, the "Attention America" campaign has also brought much mirth, and grows ever stronger.. click the image, #1 out of 148, 000,000

and she's done great work in the indian invasion serp counter attack, ..but lately something's changed, it seems we can no longer rely on her, and are sadly thinking about putting the old girl out to pasture..

For example, the SEO Afghanistan mission, an easy mission, no opposition whatsoever, one shot, straight in, and that's where we'd expect it to stay.

What we wouldn't expect is for it to just then up and vanish from the already secured position, and off the face of the SERP, whilst still being indexed in a site: search. hmm...

The previous two Ibiza Girls posts, the same.. hmmm...

Whilst the second (Pacha) Ibiza girls image has risen some 12 places and made the bottom of the first page of image search (showing that the old girl still has some punch left in her links) the posts are conspicuously absent from the SERPs.

It's not quite desertion of one's post during wartime but it's not good, so it may be time to just retire the old soldier gracefully.. will let you know.

Justify Full

Friday, November 21, 2008

R & R (Ibiza Girls Image Optimization)

Ok with our crack troops once again showing their one-shot one-kill keyword sniping skills and Afghanistan and the Silliban SERP swiftly dealt with in less than 40 minutes last night it's back to our favourite subject, Ibiza girls

Our previous post refuses to show up in the SERP, despite being indexed, but the link from it has pushed the original hosted pic of the Ibiza Girls on Ibiza Voice from position #9 to #4 or 5.

That's not blatently not good enough, we want that at #1, and to represent us properly :)

So lets try another and see if we can get a fitting one-two going scenario going....

ibiza girls

..................These fine looking Pacha ladies are currently languishing back at an indecent position #11 on the second page, which is clearly unacceptable.

Snipers take aim.....

Thursday, November 20, 2008

SEO Afghanistan & the Taliban

Right listen up.

Word just in from HQ, prepare to mobilise and ship out at 01.00 hours.

They've identified an unsecured comedy niche in the SEO Afghanistan SERPS and spec ops have been ordered to take, secure and hold it, (ready for the lucrative rebuilding contracts that will surely come, one day.. )

We expect heavy resistance from the Suicide Google bombers in particular and and the fearsome new secret weapon identified by the boys over at Strategy Page is of particular concern.

word has it they've recently also developed basic naval capabilities

And with most of our seo recon small business keyword snipers now permanently based at SBS Sniper Headquarters it's going to be a tough one lads.. day or two at the very least

Ok you know the drills, radio silence now until their ladies are all safe and sound.. ;)

Spec Ops out.

Update coming in 01.40 am,
position captured and secured, digging in now...

Sunday, November 16, 2008

MC Harvey New Website Online

mc harveyOk listen up. Here's the new "celeb" site we've been hinting at the last couple of weeks.

Not "officially" released as yet, (due Monday am) so this is a bit of an exclusive, although Google found it somehow already.

From Kdot Urban Music Management the new official MC Harvey website

Harvey's been in the news a bit lately one way and another and what with his Wiki entry and his tabloid coverage, our standard first target of #1 for his own name might take just a little longer than usual :)

Once all his web2.0 literate fans jump get the case and the So.Media Crew start shooting up the place with all that urban linkage it shouldn't take too long.

Ok as you were.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Ibiza Girls

ibiza girls

Girls in Ibiza - foxy ladies out on the town (pics courtesy of our mates at Ibiza Voice)

Ok so we'll be honest this is a pure experiment in image optimization manipulation and traffic, and what better picture to experiment on, than some Ibiza ladies, who are indeed, some of the fittest in the world

Our pals Voice already rank highly for this phrase with this picture (and if at this point we could just commend Google for this fine choice of rankings) so we're just looking at:
  • how possible / easy it is to pressgang rankings and traffic from the host site (as people have been doing to us lately)
  • improving their rankings by linking at it, - allegedly images can still be google bombed?
  • the picture, for hours and hours.. :)

However, we do also have real work to do today as well, new celeb site coming online very shortly, watch this space, but in the meantime feel free to gaze longingly at the Ibiza Girls..

...God bless them all.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

New Rules of Engagement

Right things have gotten a bit slack round here, even for spec ops troops.

Whilst everybody knows the elite deep cover troops don't have to conform to the usual military nonsense, berets and the like, there's still no excuse for a non-disciplined demeanour and so High Command have been drafting up a new ruleset.

However on seeing the (Metropolitan!!) University of Leeds new etiquette that seems perfectly reasonable so we thought we'd just go with that instead. Highlights as below:

  • Make sure your underwear fits and is unobtrusive
  • Decorum during dinner should be maintained so as not to cause insult to your hostess
  • Refrain from clinking glasses during a toast
  • Consider whether your eyebrows are a distraction to others

We think that should smarten things up considerably around here.

Got it? right, as you were.

Friday, November 7, 2008

SEO India Serp under Siege

Reports are coming in from our front line embedded journalist that the shock troops have struck fiercely deep in SEO Services India territory, and the battle is nearing the final stages..

At Ibiza HQ this evening the deeply handsome General in charge of things said:

"The Indian SEO community were given every chance to comply with the resolution but for reasons best known to themselves decided not to hand over the girl.

Bad decision, now they'll have to suffer the consequences.. Unfortunately these troops were so deep undercover we couldn't have called it off even if we could remember what the secret codes were..

Anyway it won't be long now, #30's is the virtual equivalent of the soldiers kicking your gate in and storming up the garden path.."

The stock markets braced themselves this evening for the shockwaves that will inevitably ripple through the financial markets, and if you are in the SEO Services India area our advice is to stay indoors and hide under your lounge table.

There's a special phone number for concerned friends and relatives to call, we, er just cant remember what it is..

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

SEO Troll

So it took its time but SEO trolling seems to have gone overground. For anyone who doesn't know what an internet troll is:
An "Internet troll" or "Forum Troll" or "Message Board Troll" is a person who posts outrageous message to bait people to answer. Forum Troll delights in sowing discord on the forums.
A troll is someone who inspires flaming rhetoric, someone who is purposely provoking and pulling people into flaming discussion. Flaming discussions usually end with name calling and a flame war.
Well obviously seo trolling is just the next level of things.
"Trolling with ability to place your nonsense high up in Google for terms they see"
We spoke out in defence of our Island against "Original Production's" version of Ibiza for Living TV back in the summer, and will often let rip in the pursuit of humor, but this takes the biscuit even for hardened spec ops troops such as ourselves.

This guy has actually set up a purpose-made blog, specifically to troll local businesses, and totally cringingly, is basically taking out his sour grapes on "proposed to" clients who've knocked him back on quotes!

No really, check... Sh*t - websites - nofollowed because we are laughing at him, not vouching for him, and are certainly not falling for linkbait as bad as this, and the boss nags us for being unprofessional on here.

This man's company is called "Clever Marketing" but we kind of doubt that now, and think he'll have to come up with something a bit better than this to catch us in the seo services Spain searches. Let us know how the "clever Marbella marketing" plan goes eh?

Marbella lol. might as well be San Antonio...

SEO Humor

Ok it's back to analytics for some more amusing longtail hits in the funny things people typed over the last couple of months.

Mostly from here, the spec ops blog, but a couple (with permission) from random client & friends blogs and sites. We've separated them out into SEO humor and non-seo humor as not everybody thinks SEO geekiness is as funny as we do.

So start off with non-seo related humor, and we can see the way you dirty animals are all thinking - we've had to replace letters with * in places as we dont want google thinking we're one of those blogs, but we've hits (some from images too) from:
  • the fittest lady in the world
  • nude female dj
  • site da smokin
  • luxury s*x furniture
  • "wants to go to ibiza badly"
  • bad things that could happen to a tourist in Ibiza
  • may i have your attention please return to Ibiza
  • giving finger
  • sh*t workers Ibiza 2008
  • desperados Ibiza free
  • Ibiza is my spiritual home
  • three in one superior snippers
  • free ibiza uncovered p*
  • ibiza porn government
  • ibiza sh*t party 08
  • inebriated dictionary
  • ibiza beautiful people naked
  • richest person in Ibiza + address
  • post free ads in the london website
  • the finger
And then we have the SEO related hits, most amusing (to SEO's obviously.. )
  • shit seo -
  • fit lady seo
  • dofollow blogs dj equipment comments posting
  • what is seo assistants
  • what is blog integration
  • how to do keyword sniping
  • what is keyword snipper
we are actually number one for Shit SEO after Living TV's Ibiza's googlebashing and don't really want it :) we'll try and help a new site take their rightful place

The "what is" and "how to" queries wouldn't be so funny except you know these are the next people to put SEO websites up and proclaim they are SEOs on DP, usually with some sort of basic level question about "how to" in public on the forum. :)

edit 12-11-08 - today from blog HQ. "how can we made seo expert" :)

and as for mr "dofollow blogs dj equipment posting" ..well you found us, we're dofollow, why didn't you comment? :)

....its a funny old game.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

SEO Humour - Funniest post of the week..

So whilst HQ are breaking the news to the SEO world about the google algo update we're trawling for clues and found this beauty over on Googlegroups of all places.

Hello, can you google people help, my site has been
in top slots at google for a long time but today i just vanish. I
spend fortune each month on buying links in, i have more than 30,000,
i need ranking back as no traffic and i am nearly sold business.

And before you all start saying paid links bad that not true, my slots
have been stolen by man who buying more then even me see

Can you solve problem immeadiatly or i must take legal action!

we kid you not.. :)

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

SEO Freebies for mates

Its been raining here this last few days and that usually always means muchos internet mischief, and sometimes even getting enough time to look at the ever growing list of freebies for the bosses mates.

The internet mischief will likely be in the form of trying to slip as many dirty double entendres in as we can without it really noticing.

So it's been a couple of months since bosses pal in Malta launched his new real estate website and as we didn't build it from scratch and were limited greatly by the design we couldn't get it right from the start, so it's not as strong as it should have been.

And obviously summer's over now and he's stopped laying around in the sun all day, so now he wants to get started on it just as our client workload goes ballistic. tut.

Anyway as the navigation is all very natural (totally unoptimised) and the designer has seen fit to lock everything that matters away within a dreamweaver template upon which the site is constructed on (?!) we have little option really but to add in some better seo content in the form of new a couple of new "built to rank" pages outside of that framework.

It's a good job contextual linking works better for integrating new pages into a site because apart from editing each page in notepad that's the only real option.

So introducing Property in Gozo and her cute little sister Property in Malta, and while we're at it say hi to B&B Ibiza - Ibiza Accomodation & Bed & Breakfast - it's HQ's latest seo web design project an sbs sniper no less, but more bloody freebies to mates.

Alliances the boss calls them, unpaid overtime more like. anywa due to an over exuberent xml sitemaps plugin this one already had a "dry" launch i.e. without feeling the wet warmth of Ibiza linklove injected deep into it's latent ranking potential at it's Google debut, but the owner is still still twiddling so it's time to give that one too.

Right, hold it down.. Ibiza out.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Video Marketing by Numpties

What's the point if it doesn't convert? c'mon, honestly, what's the point?

you might well end up with your video on the first page, like the SEO Rapper did, and still ranking highly for "link building" all this time later, but exactly how many people do you think see Digital numpty-boy and think, I know, I'll get him to do my link building? :)

But at least that one pulls it off by sheer humour / entertainment / originality, whereas this next example is just spam by any other name. Video SEO spam maybe, but hardly deserving of a Google front page for a hotly contested term, by the best small business SEO services companies around.

Check this. small business seo routinely shows up on Google Page 1 for "small business seo" :)

bwahahahaha!! mum always said if you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, so we'll shut up now.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

DC10 Closed

Courtesy of the mighty Ibiza Voice breaking the news first yet again, ....the bas***os only went and shut DC10 again yesterday.

The Authorities closed the Dc10 this Monday just 10 minutes before Circoloco session was supposed to start…

Last week, at a meeting of the Sant Josep Council, it was confirmed that "in the next days" the owners of DC10 will be informed of the requirement to comply with this most recent in a long list of sanctions; on this occasion a €300,000 fine and closure for 1 year. hello!!'re not making any friends here you know..?

Credit Crunch anyone? Worldwide recession imminent? Meltdown of the Dollar? Global financial problems etc etc? all the friends and goodwill we can get would be nice, if possible?


Saturday, October 4, 2008

More SEO Funnies

Being vigilant SEO humour hunters we hate to see funny sites that have been around ages that we didnt know about. It is tangible proof of either one of two things:

We have been working too hard..

or.. We have been slacking in the humour-rooting out department.

Knowing what staff in Ibiza in the summer are like it's probably a combination of both. However on the plus side, this lot are as slack as us, and have only managed 4 posts in the one year and three months their site has thus far been alive for.

The pictures are from the digital heretic. funny stuff, check the links to the posts.

Heretical Marketing posters I and Heretical Marketing Part II

And if any heretics should see this, get posting again you slackers, if we have to work, even here, then you lot with your financial crisis es and impending winter weather must need to..

Oh yea, nearly forgot, new site to index, Ibiza Pro DJ supplying, well, DJ Equipment Packages in Ibiza. Not finished yet, but the new owner wants to play so we'll index it anyway.


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Funniest URL of September

Disguised.. ..but not very heavily. We could find him in 5 seconds from this ;)

the charges you would be paying for this genius are $3-8000 per month.

we kid you not.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Troops - Attention !!

Right, we're back.

After a prolonged summer break lapping up the last of the hot summer sun, and out meeting & engaging new clients - involving multiple "business meetings" or "SEO on the beach" as we prefer to think of it, the spec ops crew are reporting back for duty once more.

In our crosshairs for the winter are several friend's new sites including:

The Kdot Empire expands.. Kdot's new base, and There is a further client site of hers in development currently, who is a relatively well known urban (pop) star MC type, coming online in the next month or two, watch this space.

Top female DJ, Smokin Jo, who is matey with the boss, has launched her new site last week, and is playing the Space Closing Party this weekend, (and likely having it large in DC10 on Monday) seeya there - DC10 not Space ;)

Will Johnston, Bora Bora DJ and another mate of the bosses, site: is going into overdrive in the next few months with big plans in the making.

In our opinion, this site truly deserves success, the quality of the video content just says it all.

If you could see, as we have this summer, the time and effort that goes into running the site, the hours & hours of filming and editing work, done by a dedicated team, at their own expense, for 7 years now, just because they love it so much, you would agree they deserve it to be big.

Nowhere else on the web, can you find Dance Music Video of this quality, with the world's best DJs at the world's best clubs, the sets recorded live, and edited into superb club and DJ footage of the actual event, and for free. For those that were there, it's like reliving the thing all over again for the hour, and those that couldn't make it, get to go for an hour whenever they want to, for ever more. For free!

We are going to do our bit to help as much as we can, including an SEO & blog integration project, site structural work and optimisation in the usual fashion, and put it up there in the men's keywords wherever we can, plus a social media campaign, and ongoing consultancy.. For Free! :)

As in fact all our spec ops work is going to be from now on.

We've decided that what with the imminent collapse of financial civilisation as we know it, that its probably better to have lots of friends, than lots of friends who owe you money..

If you feel that you maybe qualify for an seo spec ops grant, you may state your case here in the comments of this (dofollow - in the comment username only) blog.

Spammers will be deleted as always.

That's all, as you were.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Random Ibiza

we've been a bit bogged down with work the last couple of weeks and of course making the most of the summer beach weather before all our seasonal friends head off (and miss the best bit)

but things that have made us chuckle this week include:

1) Random and unexpected inclusion of our website in the Pacha magazine's Ibiza Online column, this is a good one :) the entry is as quoted below: SEO (search engine optimisation) giving you all the info you need while you are on the Island.

SEO (Optimizacion del motor de busqueda) te proporciona toda la informacion que necesitas sobre la isla

although obviously pleased to make Pacha (the magazine, not the club) we're also somewhat bemused by that description, as we're definitely not trying to be yet another Ibiza directory** type site, so not sure what it is exactly that they think we do.. ..still Pacha Magazine, without even asking is always good. :)

2) The Ibiza Concierge / VIP Services searches currently...

have a look Google Ibiza VIP Services ..exactly what kind of high-end, exclusive, ultra luxury concierge service for the discerning billionaire thinks it's appropriate to spam Gumtree, and every other free listing service they can find with their website address? :) Do they think the average billionaire would be suitably impressed by an advert in Gumtree (and check the descriptions in Google that Gumtree gives, theyre not exactly compelling ;) ) ..or would even consider entertaining a company whose best hope of getting their site seen in Google is by multiple spamming Gumtree with their website address, and who are shameless enough to do just that? :) lol.

3) ** People who think there is still a market for more Ibiza directory type sites and that they are actually going to make a living from Ibiza businesses advertising on their sparkly new websites, and that no=one has thought of, or tried this before....?

plan (b) required people.

4) finally a little some competition on the Superior SEO Services front. ..c'mon Butch, that's more like it... ;)

Friday, August 29, 2008

More SEO Humour

More seo humor, just a quickie for the weekend.. again, it's been around a while but we only saw it a few days ago. Uber SEO :)

...favourite quotes:

Our Philosophy: If we are not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

The funniest thing about this site is that it's not so-o far from the truth in a lot of cases we suspect.. There are certain forums where the average age of the "SEO consultants" is 19... n n n nineteen!

"The therapist recommended for him (Uber CEO Matt) to find a job where he had very little social interaction and any dumb ass monkey could do... she recommended Search Engine Optimization. So Mathew called up his buddy Charles and that was the day Uber SEO Company was formed.

To learn the process of search engine optimization Mathew and Charles read halfway through an eBook and have posted on a SEO forum a total of 37,548 times. By posting so much on that SEO forum this has made them experts in their field"

hahahahaha :) ..proper bunch of rankers.

Speaking of which Living TV's highly original production Ibiza 2008 went from strength to strength this week, with Ibiza's undisputed Number One Ranker "Sam" alleging he gets laid twice a week "cos he's on the tele" !! bwahahahahahaha !!! pull the other one. as if.

Speaking we believe on behalf of the vast majority of the real Ibiza residents..

We cannot wait until this summer is over and Living TV along with all these twats you've painted as "The Real Ibiza" ... F**K OFF HOME AGAIN! *%*$* 's !!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dannii Minogue "Ibiza my Spiritual Home"

We like Dannii Minogue, even if she does have somewhat dubious taste in men. She stated this week that "Ibiza is her spiritual home"

Good girl, its ours too, as well as of course our real home. Danni is apparently also planning to party hard when she comes here later this month.

"I am off to Ibiza, my spiritual home, next week for some much needed TLC with my girlfriends. It will be my last holiday until December when ''X Factor'' finishes, so I am going to make the most of it. I love to party and I will also be hitting the beach," she said.
We have a request please Danni? ..can you hurry up and buy that house here, you and your sister, (whatever her name was) forget now, really are most welcome. :)

It would help take our minds off credit crunch and impending recession no end, and if you feel like that about Ibiza now, just wait till you've lived here for a while.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Ibiza Uncovered - some more

After our previous declaration of Google war on Living TV Ibiza, a couple of weeks ago now and their 2008 version of Ibiza uncovered, several other mighty and just, Ibiza-loving people and organisations have jumped into the fray.

Our very own Irresponsibility tongue lasher extrordinaire herself (you dont want to get on the wrong end of a written volley from this one I promise) has fought back with a great guest post over on the Smith Travel Blog on her favourite non-clubbing activities in Ibiza, (The Real) Ibiza Uncovered 2008.

Living TV and Original Productions (hahahaha that name still cracks us up!) take heed, this is what you should have been filming. Only unfortunately now, you're probably barred ;)

& I think we can safely assume you're definitely barred from Pikes according to a mate of ours and Octavia's facebook Group. sounds like Octavia has got the right hump about it all, and any friend of Nicky Clarkes can have a right row, so we've heard.

Living TVs Ibiza.. the real Ibiza uncovered, it is most definitely not.

To all at Living from Ibiza's rebel Alliance..

...what the all4humor monkey said.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Blue Index - White Island Style

Whilst doing a little reconnaissance (competitive research) into the (slightly dull) world of data management and storage on behalf of Blue Index the other night we happened to observe a different type of Blue Index that interested and amused us a quite a bit more..

The JWBI or Johnnie Walker Blue Index :)

If you cant be bothered to click the link it's basically a comparison between the expense levels of various establishments, calculated by how much markup % they apply to a beverage of known cost ( editorial note ..and quality ;) ) .. Johnie Walker's excellent Blue label whiskey.

They know what the places pay, calculate the markup the various establishments apply and produce a ranking figure.

This got us to thinking, we really ought to do something like this here, we could call it the White Index after our white island, and apply it to the various clubs who are all well known for extorting huge sums for drinks from their captive tourists.

Unfortunately it's unlikely that all the various clubs would actually stock JW Blue Label so we will probably have to pick something else more commonly found in clubland for our version of the Blue Index, maybe Hierbas, or in a more Ibiza Club style, Smirnoff Blue & Red Bull or something..

We have our suspicions Amnesia or Pacha will probably wi the competition with ease but should probably actually conduct some real research on the subject before bismirching their names too badly..

watch this space.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Small Business SEO & SEO Design

Big day today, and obviously don't know how long it will last what with the usual Google flux and weekend index in action, but reports are coming in from HQ that after sustained heavy fighting and a hard fought siege for several months, 1st page has finally been breached in the early hours of 13 Aug 2008 for both Small business SEO & SEO design, simultaneously...

Both this morning (01.10am CET) showing at #10 on

seo design ^ small business seo

We expect constant counter attacks and the occasional relapse because pressure is intense at this level, but as of today the site is now 5 days away from it's 9 month old birthday, and with the big prizes of SEO & SEO Services also stabilising in the top 100 it's still all to play for, for the grand targets announced in the HQ post here SEO Demo - the full story.

Our keyword sniper team have therefore been called off their current R&R duties frustratingly meaning that Living TV's Ibiza Uncovered 2008 nonsense gets a short respite before the abuse recommences..

Happily some of the local residents have now found it and started leaving comments that would seem they agree with us, so hopefully local partisan fighters can run with that for a bit leaving the crack troops to go after the big prize for a little while. We will of course keep you abreast of all events via our embedded reporters at the front line as usual.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Living TV Ibiza - Ibiza Uncovered 2008

Living TV's new series "Ibiza" has come at the worst possible time for the Island's economy.

Sold to many wary (and rightly as it turned out) Island dwellers as:

...charting the delights and downfalls of life on the ultimate hedonism hotspot that is once again the destination regaled by party-seekers and media alike as the place to be. Young or old, famous or just frivolous, the beautiful Balearic isle has regained its crown as the destination of choice for thrill seekers seeking chic island adventures.

...intriguing characters and lush locations that will inspire and entertain, leaving viewers eager to join the party and share the whole Ibiza experience in all its vibrant glory. Over a run of nine one-hour episodes, viewers will be introduced to the many faces of Ibiza, from one end of the island’s vivid spectrum to the other.

The series will explore the club culture that has given the island its well-deserved reputation as party capital of the world; where hardcore clubbers can be seen rubbing shoulders with Ibiza regulars Jade Jagger, Sadie Frost, Sienna Miller, James Blunt, and Peaches Geldof.

Living TV have instead shamelessly gone back on their promises and ignored anyone with half a clue, and focused exclusively on freaks and oddballs for ratings.

The few sensible normal people they have filmed have been edited out, or have had small details of their lives blown up out of all proportions and turned into the main story in a sickening sensationalist editing spree.

In effect they have produced Ibiza Uncovered 2008 just when the Island needs it least.

Talking this week about the Island's impending economic crisis, the vice-president of CAEB, Joan Bufi, the largest and most important association of businesses on the island, confirmed on Wednesday... significant parts bolded.
"economic growth during the next year would be minimal. The news, whilst coming as no surprise, seems to be the final confirmation that the island is in the depths of a crisis. The director for the economy department at CAEB, Vicenc Tur, said much now depended on the tourist season.

If that continued to increase, however marginally, there would still be a possibility of maintaining growth. If, on the other hand, the tourist season was a poor one, which he explained was a distinct possibility (**No Shit Sherlock?!) the chances of negative growth were very real.

He claimed there were a number of causes of the economic decline including high petrol prices. However, he said the main reason for economic stagnation was the difficulty in gaining credit.

The big freeze by all of the island's financial institutions had ensured it was impossible to increase economic activity or open a new business, which had led to the economy becoming stale.

The vice-president of CAEB, Joan Bufi, repeated that the economic situation over the next year lay firmly in the hands of the tourist industry.

However, he said the signs so far were that this season was proving a disappointment.

He pointed out that the main difference between Ibiza and all of the other Balearic destinations was the reliability of the island on the British market.

With an economic crisis in full swing in the UK, as well as a weak pound which had lowered in value by around 20 per cent over the last twelve months, he predicted the island would continue to suffer.

From the Ibiza Sun

......In the meantime Living TV's Ibiza has glibly gone ahead with it's stereotypical lame misrepresentation of the Island and it's residents and dealt a potentially savage blow to the Island's tourism, which when combined with the short sighted attack on the clubbing economy this year by the Government, which has slaughtered the Islands clubs, and globally, the clubbers desire to come here any more, the global economic recession and the Euro's strength against the GBP Pound, plus the attack on the Island's black villas economy, could well prove to be the final straw.

We the Ibicenco SEO Warriors call on the people of Ibiza to reject Living TV from your clubs bars and homes. Throw them out, shun them in the street and drive them from our lands.

We urge you to cease all co operation, communication with this lot, dont even allow them access to food and water. Send them home immediately.

These people are not your friends.

Go here for a better idea of what Ibiza living is actually like.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Living TV Ibiza - Utter Utter Shit!

Declaration of War!!

The Ibicenco SEO Warriors hereby declare SERP War on Living TV's "Ibiza" series. This program is the biggest pile of steaming poo to grace TV screens since the travesty that was "Ibiza Uncovered".

The production crew stated they wanted to show the other side of the Island, the classy side of things, the glamorous people who live here year round, the uber cool, trendy and the stylish and rich, the Ibiza we all love. ..And then what do the lying two-faced shameless ratings whores do?

Focus on every freak wierdo, waster and loser they can find, head straight for San An where few real residents even go during the summer unless absolutely necessary, stage manage, set up and edit even the few sensible people they film, edit out anything that makes the place look half normal and focus exclusively on the freaks, summer workers and wasters.

Living TV you have insulted our friends, our home and the Island we love. You have lied to everybody about your true intentions and have just gone ahead and made Ibiza Uncovered 2, right when the Island needs it least. We were absolutely correct that the best part of this program was the Ibiza viral trailer from a few posts ago.

Economically, Ibiza Uncovered 2008 this insult could not have come at a worse time

For this outrage the Ibicenco SEO Warriors hereby declare SEO Jihad on you and yours. We will hunt you in the charts and spit on your steaming pile of shite from on high.

We know youve been filming some cool people too, where are they?

Either turn this garbage round immediately, or prepare to be savagely Googletrolled and taught the power of SEO by those who know.

UPDATE 09-08-08 Hahahahaha!!!!

... feel the power of SEO Ibiza's Spec Ops team's - keyword snipers hitting their mark right between the eyes ;)

This is what actually Living in Ibiza is like

Monday, July 28, 2008

Google's Silly PR Games

So you cant fail to have noticed Google updated their toolbar PR again over the weekend, much to the dismay or glee of the majority of SEO civilians on DP and other forums who've been either crying like little lassies about meaningless demotions or gloating as though the propaganda they've been fed means anything at all on the battlefield.

HQ did ok if you believe the hype, up from domain 4 to 5, as did we, up from 3 to 4.

...However we just want to point out exactly why this is relatively meaningless to anyone but SEO Civvies. The 3 experimental pages on our main site, were named and titled as the target experimental search terms, that we have been testing since inception, ie..

SEO Power, - SEO Engine Room, & SEO Experiments & Theories. (links to pages)

As our site is now a mighty SEO war machine, as you would expect, all three of these phrases on show our relevant page in easy top 5 positions,

The phrase SEO Engine Room currently has our page in the #1 position above a domain and site actually called that.

The phrase SEO Power also has the page alternating between #2 and #3, again nudged right up underneath a domain of the same name. These pages were awarded a toolbar of PR4.

The final page however, SEO Experiments & Theories performs every bit as well as it's counterparts in two different searches, SEO Experiments & SEO Theories and is actually in more distinguished company, up there with the very serious Mr Martinez, and others who likely take their SEO experiments far more seriously than us..

and yet what did the Google toolbar Pagerank propaganda machine see fit to award the experiments page in the last skirmish?

...Yep, it's greyed out, which if you believe the thronging civvy hordes means it's supplemental, useless etc.. . Useless our SEO Warriors arses!! Try the searches for yourselves..

Google search SEO Engine Room & Google search SEO Engine

Google search SEO Power & Google search Power SEO (24 million pages)

Google search SEO Experiments & Google search SEO Theories

If you've assembled your Google SERP weaponry correctly "T3h Real Pagerank" is surging through your sites, whether you can see it or not. It's there, whatever misinformation or propaganda you're fed via the Toolbar, so just forget about it, and crack on, or the spoils of SERP war will be coming home with us tonight ;)

Over and out.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Clueless SEO Blog Comment Spammers

Ok Comment Spammer public outing warning time. We're not actually publishing the link, but anyone who wants to will find them easily enough from this, this is the second time this particular company / individual have left this same comment now over at Blog HQ.

In the great tradition started by the Hobo about the SEO clueless numpties at SEO Services India and their continual blog comment bothering, we now have another contender for the SEO Clueless awards.

They search Google blogsearch for their term of the day, arrive on the site unaware that we have them under close surveillance with our hi-tech spec ops equipment Woopra Live Analytics they drop their dirty package and flee the scene of the crime all in 20 seconds.

Yes, again, they're Indian, and this is their lame comment.
"Your blog is very informative n helpful .. thanks…..keep it up"

..The funniest part is this, from their site:
"No SEO professional will purposely violate [sic]nay[/lol] law:
This includes the continued and deliberate violation of
  • -Trademark
  • -Copyright
  • -Service mark
  • -Laws associated with spamming"
Well there arent really any LAWS that we know of per se, but there are rules and just good practices, and how about we give you a free SEO tip?

...DON'T DO THIS, ON SEO BLOGS, OR PREFERABLY ANYWHERE. may work on some of the public but you're pushing your luck at HQ or here, and indeed anywhere with half a clue, as all they have to do is insert your comment in Google and they can see your last day or two's work immediately..

In the meantime our SEO India invasion continues unabated, and we're already above you for your money terms, so be warned, next time we'll Hobo you right up and outrank you for your own name with a post just like this..

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Clueless SEO Humour

More SEO Humour firstly in a "name them and shame them" kind of way today, from the SEO Clueless section of the SEO Consultants site, and in particular their Clueless Link Exchange Directory made us chuckle ..designed to catch out hapless "SEOs" (if anyone using automated link exchange software anymore really has the front to call themselves that anymore) who specially requested a link exchange on this particular page:

... All have been gratefully received and kindly granted their wish of a place in their specially created Hall of Clueless SEO Numpty Shame ... if you see yourself in there you can apologise nicely and ask to be removed.

however, if you keep it up here, however instead of just deleting your nonsense we may do the same kind of outing shortly.. ..I mean honestly you wouldn't go up to invading Roman Legionaires as they hacked their way into your strongholds and ask them if they wanted to swap Mama's spaggetti sauce recipes would you? - No? .. well knock it off then. have been warned... ;) and secondly this

from Quality Nonsense is quite amusing, - not new by any means but we don't think most of the desperados & spammers who pass through this deserted outpost will have seen it before, (and theyre nofollow so they definitely won't have read it)

SEO Civilians probably wont understand at all but SEO Warriors should get the drift. have to click the image and go through to the original blog post because on theirs the different parts of the pie chart all go to the relevant places. It's actually so old (in SEO years anyway) that it now shows as a sitelink on their site if you search for "Quality nonsense" as well..

It'll be funny when that happens here, our irreverent sitelinks would be a sight to behold :)

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Viral Ibiza Video

Hahaha, HQ were chatting about making fit seo videos and seo for video generally a bit the other day, and were also approached about this Living TV thing in several capacities one way and another, we and also know a few of the people featured in it, and a lot more friends have been involved as extras, for the trailer etc but didnt actually want to be in the series, and so we were obviously curious to see what Living would do with it.

so seeing this on Youtube tonight raised a smile, its a semi-amusing viral, and from what we've seen of the first clips on Living, it may well be the best bit of the series ; )

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Indian SERP Invasion Underway

seo india

Reports are coming in this morning of final warnings being given of the imminent arrival of the Ibicenco SEO Warriors in the very heart of the Indian SERPs..

This is your last chance to surrender and hand over the lady, shown in the page here SEO India before a tiny island in the Mediterrean publicly embarrasses the entire Indian nations SEO firms by launching straight into the top of your charts in a matter of weeks.. :)

..Dont say we didnt warn you, and we would advise locking up your daughters. especially the pretty ones who will all want to return to Ibiza with us, we promise you.. ;)

This is not a drill, there will be no further warnings.

SEO (Adult) Humour

One last quick mention of something that made us laugh last night, but:

  1. be warned, it uses swear words, (not porn or anything) but no under 13's should look, nor easily offended types - but then you probably shouldnt be reading this blog either
  2. (see disclaimer top right)
  3. be quick it probably wont be up very long.

It addresses the fascination people have for Google, and asks is there realistically any other alternative, now or in the future..? Once again NOT CHILD SAFE & NOT WORK SAFE dont come crying to us if you dont like the F word, we are fighting troops and use strong language. but made us chuckle in that geeky SEO Humour kind of way...

New Search Engine? as of 20 July 08 appears to be down

chuckle chuckle..

CQSEO Tactics - The Art of SERP War

Ok, as HQ seem to have dropped any semblance of sanity and broken every military convention in the book by openly announcing our military SEO Demonstration objectives, thereby giving the enemy (opposition) every chance to dig in and fortify their positions, and / or ambush us on the way ap we thought we'd join in the fun by explaining a little more about our Close Quarter SEO Tactics and some of the less well known weaponry we use..

SEO SERP Reconaissance - SEO Spec Ops primary task is Recon.

You have to know your enemy, from upclose and dirty. They will often be very strong and able to easily repel simple frontal attacks.

But we usually have in our favour the sheer complacence that often comes with a stable #1 for a while, people get used to it, and think it is rightfully theirs, which allows for well planned undercover spec ops & teams to open the doors and walk right in.

So we firstly study their keyword / SERP performance, identify their strongholds (dont attack there) and all their areas of weakness (keyword coverage, content / site structure and inbound linkpower)

This is basic SOPs, using the Google search operators, allintitle: , allinurl: and allinanchor: will give you a very good idea exactly how strong they are, and where.

That site strongly dug in at #1 could be there for a variety of reasons, including superpowerful links, age & trust, or more and better content, or often justbecause they're just better organised (optimised) than the rest. It's important to know exactly why that is as best you can why that is before mounting your assault, so you can aim at their blind side/s.

Then you look at their logistics and backup organisation, keyword research-wise. This is where we mount open OPs (Observation Posts) and also use the embedded undercover operators.

Open OPs include - Google's updated keyword research tool & any of the proprietary backlink checkers, we have classified weaponry we cannot discuss that we use for this, however Yahoo's sitesearch link: command in combination with Joost de Valk's SEO firefox plugin will give adequate information for SEO Civilians to get the picture.

Then we radio into our embedded (spy) operators who have been working in an amongst the enemy for a while gathering intel into their operations for the latest update.

Whilst we obviously cannot divulge everything about them we are safe to say that some of our operators use this kind of technology to gather as much information about enemy movements and positions as possible..
..which combined with our knowledge of their general organisation should start to show where they may be vulnerable to attack.

Probe their defences which point we call in the (keyword) sniper team with orders to engage if the opportunity presents itself and take a long range pot shot or two at them to see how they react..

This is usually in the form of a carefully structured blog post or two from an established blog with sufficient strength to take shots from the halfway line and punch in close, and really see how strong and well defended they are, Sometimes we even get lucky, and maybe even take out any sentries caught napping or with their pants down..

The recon team then start sending out constant fighting patrols from the OP to probe the enemy perimeters and really see how well guarded they are, and RV (rendezvous) with the embedded troops inside who will let us know exactly where to punch through, and lately have often unlocked the gates Trojan Horse style for the Fighting Patrol to walk right in, (at which point it is all over for their ladies, they are coming with us.. ;) )

For the SEO Civilians amongst you this military jargon probably doesnt mean much so I'll try to use simple examples in civvy language you may understand.

Say we were talking about the keyphrase " Ibiza widgets" as the primary objective, but the enemy are heavily dug in and defended there, and it could maybe take more manpower and resources that we are prepared to commit, and probably a long drawn out an bloody battle that we have no guarantee of even winning ultimately to take the position..

But research shows possibly that "Ibiza widget" is not as heavily searched, (hence optimised for) and sometimes shows different results from the plural, - which is always good as it indicates a lack of total dominance by the enemy) nor are "widgets Ibiza", "widgets in Ibiza" "red widgets Ibiza" blue widgets Ibiza" etc..

You get the idea..? So some of those are targeted by the keyword sniper teams initially, and any success obtained is first fortified and backed up, and then we build from it.

Conquer / Consolidate

Once we own "red widget Ibiza" and "Ibiza widget in blue" the crossover effect starts to give strength to the central theme of "Ibiza widget" and extra reinforcements turning up from "Ibiza green widget" will only strengthen the cause, until we have basically surrounded and infiltrated the enemy position. Structure and write your site and content to target the long tail and related terms, and the easier terms first, letting it build naturally until you can look the dug-in forces right in the eyes and mount the final push for "Ibiza widgets"

Regroup, reinforce further, and then go again..

..At which point (only then) do they usually notice that they are surrounded, outnumbered, out-manoeuvred, out flanked, and will quite often just surrender without the final battle even being fought.

We've done this in Malta, Gozo & Mallorca recently, all of which have folded very quickly under the combined stealth and strength of the Ibicenc SEO Warriors, and we currently have campaigns underway in various stages of progress in Spain, India, SEO for Flash, simple / easy SEO, that kind of thing.

The CQSEO Strategy & tactics can be hence summarised as:

Reconaissance, Intel gathering & analysis, sniper teams, probing fighting patrols, infiltration, consolidation of victories, regroup, and do it all over again, or..

Divide, Probe, Conquer, Consolidate, Regroup.. and on ad infinitum until the whole Widget world is under (y)our control... ;P

It's beachtime for SEO Ibiza again, hasta luego amigos.. over and out.

seo humor - seo humour - seo jokes - seo india - ibiza girls - living tv - ibiza uncovered - keyword sniper - Attention America