The Ancient Ibicenco Fighting Art of Search Engine Optimisation

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Funniest Link Exchange Request 2009

Maybe only funny to Brits (expats obviously) with our inate toilet humour, but this one cracked a few battle faces into smirking on parade when it arrived this week, HQ got a spam email link request from a US SEO firm called "NoB SEO" :) ..we kid you not..

and replied with the volley below:
Nob SEO? are you serious? you do realise that nob is the English slang for weiner? :)

I dont think we can link to a company called nobSEO but you could try our young mate over at www.optimize-my-ass.com

maybe you could optimize his ass with your nobSEO? :) ..good luck with that
Well they might not want to link to them because of their silly name but we have no such qualms, so have a one way link with no recips required on us, and hearty congratulations, that name is so inspired, it's almost linkbait..

Then it's back to the latest Intel (analytics) funnies, this week we have:
  • "prove you have a clue"
  • "you have a clue and"
  • ibiza fighting girls
  • ladies puppies
  • Maltese "not allowed in Ibiza" :)
  • Ibiza + girls how do I get me one?
  • is it easy to pick up grils in Ibiza
  • how do i know what spec my new ibiza is
The last of these is a question a lot of Ibiza residents have been wondering for a little while now.

Whilst the penultimate reminds us of the time last year that Brothel (Gringos) on the Ibiza -Santa Eulalia road painted "Grils" instead of girls in 4 foot letters on their newly decorated outside wall :)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Funniest Forum Post of the Week

Digitalpoint is responsible for some classic posts it must be said.


hi i have an seo site and it,s ranking is down despite of having 47 links on google and it doesnot even apears on the domain keyword what do you think might be wrong and it,s domain age is 1 month and link age is also 1 month.
Yes..... :)

Does anybody else see anything slightly ironic about this or are we just getting old and cynical?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

SEO Baghdad - Iraq

Right listen up..

It's only just occurred to the Military that although things are slowly coming round on the ground in Iraq, their SERP is still completely unsecured, in fact, "wide open" would be a good description. So we have orders to mobilize immediately and secure the position.

Several things to watch out for lads, after the failure of the US initial approach..



..and the surprise success of the sheep-powered rocket launchers in the SEO Afghanistan campaign, they now seem to have wholesale adopted the:

"if you can't beat them, join them"
..attitude, and are now embracing animal weaponry with a vengeance.

Sheep are obviously in hot demand..

sheep bombs

and Donkey bombs are in blatent use on both sides now..

donkey bomb

Not to mention the new superbreed of "War Donkeys"..

battle donkeys

So keep your eyes and ears open (for loud baa-ing and braying sounds mostly..) and lets get in there, get the job done and get out again without any more of that nonsense from last time, right?

Absolutely no more of that Taliban-trolling ok? ..yes, yes I know it was funny, but we're not here for fun, this is serious seo business, got it?

taliban trolling

Ok, you know the drill, Radio Silence until those Iraqi ladies are safe and sound..

Over and out.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

SEO Mastery & the Funniest Nav Link Titles Ever..

Ok this guy is just the best.. :)

we wrote about him a couple of weeks ago, back here - Return of the SEO master, but seriously he is hours of entertainment.. the "how to make a blogger blog" podcast is the funniest thing we've listened to for a long time, samples below..
"you really need to develop the habit of writing like a search engine spider.." (mmkay.. :)

"dont be concerned that people are going to read your writing and think you're an idiot.." (...this never bothers you, does it Oh master? :)

"...because you are writing for search engine spiders"
..Although this does explain a lot, isn't this in direct contravention" with Google's "content for people not engines" approach hmmm...? or in plain words, "spam" ?

and when you Google " name surname" seo - you get 42100 results, we only made it 67 pages into the results and were still finding a never-ending procession of new Spammy-McSpamSpam domains, subdomains, free blogs, press releases etc etc etc recurring.

To be fair we expect he's right and the vast majority of these have never been exposed to a human eye, but still.... :) and check these main navlink titles (and SE friendly permalinks ) on the brand new flagship blog..
"...offers top level online promotions for large to mid sized companies..."
Classic comic SEO mastery from the industry's finest.. (names replaced with xx's)

  • /?cat=4" title="domains and hosting, domains, domain names, domain registrations, buy a domain where to buy a domain, how to buy a domain, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxbestdomains.com, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxbestdomains.net, xxxxxxxdomains.net, bestdomainsxxxxx.com, .com, .net, .biz, .info, .ws, .mobi, .tv">Domains and Hosting
  • /?cat=5" title="email marketing with autoresponders, email marketing, autoresponders, how to use email marketing, xxxxxxxxxx.net, xxxxxxxxxx.net autoresponder system">Email Marketing with Autoresponders
  • /?cat=34" title="free classified ads, post free classified ads, classified advertising, post free classified ads">Free Classified Ads
  • /?cat=66" title="Google Pay Per Click Advertising, Is Google Advertising Good For You, Google Advertising, Pay Per Clicks, Pay Per Click Fraud">Google Pay-Per-Click Advertising
  • /?cat=51" title="How to Hire an SEO Firm, Hiring an SEO Consultant, Hiring an SEO Master">How to Hire an SEO Firm
  • /?cat=61" title="Internet Advertising, Advertising, Classified Advertising, Advertising Your Business on Google, Google Pay-Per-Click, Google Pay-Per-Click Advertising">Internet Advertising
  • /?cat=3" title="search engine optimization services, seo services, seo, sem, search engine marketing, website optimization, web optimization, google tools for webmasters, how to obtain top positions on google">Search Engine Optimization Services
  • /?cat=9" title="seo ezine articles, ezine articles, free ezine articles, ezine articles for google positions, ezine article publisher, how to write ezine articles for publication, ezine article syndication">SEO Ezine Articles
  • /?cat=7" title="seo newsletters, seo articles, seo insights, seo perspectives, seo press releases, seo on google, how to obtain top positions on google, writing google content">SEO Newsletters
  • /?cat=6" title="seo videos, search engine optimization videos, search engine optimization youtube videos, youtube.com, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx on youtube, yourtubevideos.net">SEO Videos
He even "has a Google spider permanently attached" to his forum..

We kid you not. :)

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha... !!!

Monday, May 4, 2009

SEO Imposters

Ok listen up, long range undercover operatives have been scoping out various SERPs of late and more and more we're coming across blatent SEO imposters.

Now we're not even going to comment on their SEO skills, and as they've been found (in the #30's) in some reasonably competitive searches (SEO services UK et al) they obviously have some idea, when it comes to SEO that is..

We're not saying that they're impersonating SEOs as such, but that they are actually from one place and pretending to be from another.. For example, if you're calling yourself a UK SEO specialist.. dont put grammar like this on your website:
UK SEO Specialists is leading Internet marketing and Search Engine Optimisation Company based in the Manchester (UK) We only believe in ethical way or white hat seo because of there are various disadvantages in black hat seo. Google might be send website in sandbox if use unethical way
We at Uk web design xxxxxxxxxxx is UK based leading website designing company providing professional website design service..
blah blah blah..

So, no UK contact number on the the site/s, just a contact form, and a poor grasp of the English language, not so good for a "UK SEO specialist" eh? :) - in fact, on reading, there's a definite ring of "It ain't half hot mum" about it, truth be told..

We've seen this same thing before in the SEO Sydney searches here SEO spam down under and a few other places.. hmmm... :)

We'll leave you with our favourite lines for last, enjoy :)
Our SEO experts having SEO certificates from various online exams and knowledge of programming so they are able to changes in it.

Our goal is only to deliver maximum valuable traffics to you. We update ourselves as per search engine algorithm and make changes in our strategies which will improve more revenue and deliver traffics
Yes, sure it will :) ..we're sure we will be showing fairly high for SEO imposters shortly, and anyone with a clue can find these sites and judge for themselves :)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Ibiza Living TV update

Right this has been a spec ops project since last summer, so its time for an update.

Many (maybe 3 or 4) of you might remember we declared Googlewar on Living TV 's Ibiza (and hence Virgin) over the pile of sh*te they tried to pass off as the real ibiza last summer.

Well when spec ops get dug into something there's no letting it lie, and as Branson has not yet apologised in person the Google harassment continues. We've linked it into the Ibiza uncovered searches so anyone looking for that gets to see it, and now we've also linked it in with Virgin cable complaints in general (because, in a way, it is, isnt it?) and are starting to see traffic from that.

There is no getting away from it, we are going to make sure anyone with any interest in Ibiza TV or Living TV Ibiza, or Virgin complaints in general, gets the opportunity to read our diatribe.
"They smile in your face, all the time they wanna slate your place the back stabbers, back stabbers, they smile in your face, all the time they wanna slate your place the back stabbers, back stabbers..."
..and don't come back until you're sorry.

Oh, and Google if you wouldn't mind awfully, can you get on and cache this >>SEO India<< please? were waiting on it.

Ok, so anyone wanting to know what actually living in Ibiza would be like follow the link, otherwise, ..as you were.
 

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