The Ancient Ibicenco Fighting Art of Search Engine Optimisation

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Internet Marketing Pirates Ibiza

somali piratesHaha right listen up.

Ok never mind your good old fashioned Somalian Pirates (inset and well worth a look close up - photoshop genius at large :)

A new breed of Piracy just been internationally recognised and outed on the well-known anti-internet Piracy Organisation: .. Twitter

And these particular internet pirates were caught just blatently nicking someone else's design for their new flagship "Creative Internet Design" site, packed the hilt with nothing but design portfolio examples.. ..hmm.. :)

The Twitter trail of piracy is screen-shotted below

Captain Whiteheart & the "technical wizards & creative geniuses" have been doing this kind of thing at least since the beginning of 2008 when they also "borrowed some inspiration" from another site, only they "borrowed" so much they accidentally left the links to the original site in place :) (about 2/3 of the way down the page...)

"They went as far as actually cutting and pasting our code whole, and just swapping our pagelinks for theirs (as demonstrated by their forgetting to remove one of our links and linking back to us by mistake.."

Clearly this is not a very intelligent adversary :)

And this is the same "company" who are also risking one of their client's expensive new sites being banned from Google by hiding links to their own advertising site on it. (second half of previous post - code red nose)

This piracy alert will stay up until these and all other unethical techniques and hidden links are removed from all client sites.

SEO Spec Ops Ethics (Anti Piracy) Department out.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Code Red (Nose)

derek powazek
Right stop what you're doing and listen up.

I know you've been having lots of fun toying with various harmless clowns but summer's over now, it's time to get back to our real jobs again.

1. Derek Powazek - orders are to engage and image troll this know-nothing arrogant tool until he's crying into his nancy-boy latte. I know you're going to enjoy this one, rarely does someone need such an SEO slapping as this utter cock.

2. It's time to engage the local "creative marketing" "company" who are building hugely expensive sites for prestige clients, and then hiding links in the clients HTML pages back to their own Directory site to make it rank at the expense of the clients rankings..

The cheek of this is just astounding, they are:-

a) taking huge amounts of money to build a Flash front-end (yawn)

b) taking even more money to build an HTML site behind it for rankings purposes

c) then linking invisibly from the clients pages to their OWN site to rank that instead

d) then trying to charge the clients for an entry in their own (now top 5 ranking) directory ad pages

They are risking their new client being banned from Google (hidden links) so they can rank their own site and sell advertising there too!!

Talk about have your cake and eat it, "creative internet marketing" indeed!

(if you click the link above you'd probably be able to work out who this is.. ;)

What's interesting about the pairing of these two Spec Ops projects is that the second company (person) seems to be exactly the sort of thing Powazek is talking about, but it's not the work of an "SEO" it's the work of "Web Designers" attempting to do SEO.

This is obviously the general "understanding" of SEO by the average web designer. Dont get us wrong, there are a (very) few rare exceptions to this, but in general, and definitely in Ibiza..

So get your shit together live-o, first squad of Google image snipers to deploy at 18.00 hours.

Spec ops out.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Surreal SEO Combat - Part II

Hahaha ok listen up.

It was obviously too good to be true that the Clown Prince of SEO would actually drop it and stop his nonsense, well he hasn't, he's been re-designing his site to "attack" again.

And there we were, almost resigned to having to remove all mentions of him and find more clowns to play with. We are (ever-so-slightly) encouraged to see that he has been listening and has now at least added some extra pages and terms to his Surrealest of web designs that may actually attract potential customers at some point..

But he has then devoted a whole page of his "business website" to this fantasy "battle" he thinks is constantly going on (which is still actually only Google flux wrt to the main SEO Ibiza site)

Since his last lambasting in the previous surreal seo web design post and the subsequent deletion of silly page, he has now reinstated most of his nonsense again, and is still trying to pretend he doesn't care about these silly terms and is "too busy with big marketing clients" to be bothered with the nonsense he started.

And currently about 95% of the world will see his site at 3rd & 4th anyway when he thinks he's first, even in the US at the moment where Ibiza are at their weakest since geo-targeting the UK in late 2008.

HQ already had one potential client of his contact them a while ago, having found them by trying his silly "marketing" superior seo design search nonsense, and you would think that at some point, he might work out that advertising a far superior seo company other than your own, all over your business website, is not so sharp.

Especially so when you're trying to do it with phrases that given Google's very nature you can never be sure what the client will actually see.

# Credibility Rule One
- keep silly personal stuff off your main business website ;)
Anyway, credibility wont now be an issue because he has his own radio show, super-stardom now beckons.. Enjoy ;) .....

Monday, August 24, 2009

Surreal SEO Web Design

Ok, listen up.

Not 2 weeks since matey boy managed to goad us into a semi-serious response to his Superior SEO nonsense he's only gone and folded under the imminent threat of soon being #5 or #6 for all his silly "trophy terms" as the other sites have started piling the pressure on.

and then immediately afterwards, as though anyone else is actually following his nonsense ramblings and he needs to explain (excuses) to his thousands of followers, he puts this nonsense up on their site, ..he certainly does seem hell bent on embarrassing them all as much as humanly possible :) - So lets go through it bit by bit and try and help them with that :

The trohpy term battle was fought well, but it couldn't lastJustify Full

Trohpy terms while very cool, just simply can't have the same level of work performed as terms that actually drive good quality traffic. The team here at Front Page Rankings fought well, but to be honest, we need to get back to builing sites and have no more time for silliness, so we're officially surrendering the fight and will no longer be marketing directly on Twitter using "trophy" terms.

Which we believe was the entire thrust of our objection to the lame Twitter bragging about nonsense phrases in the first place? :) ..And it would also appear that superior web design doesnt include spellcheck? (errors in red)

Some things are better left to those with time

We could have continued to fight, and probably it would have gone back and forth, one way, then the other, but to tell the truth, our operation is a bit too lean to play around too much on trohpy terms. We're on the verge of signing a big new contract that simply won't leave any room what so ever for nonsensical posts. Trying to keep up with what SEO Ibiza can bring to the table when it comes to time and energy for silly trophy terms, which they obviously love to keep, was simply a drain on our resources.

Ok, firstly there was no fight at all, up until 2 weeks ago. The movement up and down was just standard Google flux <--Google it ;)

Secondly I hope youre not talking about your "buy Viagra online" enquiry as this big new contract :) Lastly as to what we can bring to the table, let's put it this way,

If you prod a sleeping Lion enough, you have to expect that at some point it may wake up and do you.. ;)

Officially surrendering to a great team, with a really boring site

Yes, it's true, they have a really boring web design... it looks like it was put together by a first year web designer with no imagination what so ever, but all of us here at Front Page Rankings have to admit, that they can really put some powerful SEO into it with enough time and manpower.

Hopefully they'll get someone to take a look at their site before they put too many potential clients to sleep. They won the 'superior SEO' crown, but in terms of design, we hope they can readily admit, they suck.

With regards to the site template, well it was chosen for it's contemporary looks, and used specifically to demonstrate that SEO has nothing to do with web code - real SEO can be applied to any website coding.

Web designers who sell "SEO services" using W3C validation, "elegant code" etc are:
  • full of shit
  • totally clueless, as these things are mostly totally unimportant in SEO
The template used is a dcarter - one of the most successful and respected independent template / web designers out there, we modified the CSS and images colours to personalize it, but otherwise it's all dcarter. His site is PR7 is how successful he is. Who are you again?

Oh that's right, teaboy, turned webbie, now masquerading as an SEO ;) In 18 months our site has managed to "not put 60+ clients to sleep", bet yours has had at least 4 re-designs before you get to 60 clients ;)

Per the agreement made between Tim Nebergall, the Director of Front Page Rankings, Inc. and Kev Grant (no title given) from SEO Ibiza, we are officially surrendering the trophy term 'superior SEO' and will cease to use it to market on Twitter. Since we still retain ranking on a few other terms this does not mean that we will cease to market altogether. We are still showing very respectably for 'SEO Web Design' (#10 in the US as of 8/24/09) and might just start marketing that term instead as we do believe we have not only the right to market, but a duty to our employees to do so.

Surrendering because you see that now several proper SEO's have aimed the weaponry at you, and that our site is on your ass in 7 days, you have no hope. (yes we bought a domain, thankfully $9.99 for 2 years is not a big deal here ;)

And yet you attempt to take 8k from a struggling business and promise them first page for "buy Vi4GR4 online" in 4 - 6 weeks? :) Hilarious + clinically delusional or is it just fraudulent? - we will be re-visiting this subject in close detail if this nonsense continues on.

The management team at Front Page Rankings, Inc. simply cannot devote the necessary time and energy (especially energy) that is necessary to "recapture" the term 'superior SEO' simply for the sake of marketing and feels that our time is much better spent supporting our clients and seeking new opportunities for continued professional growth.

Yes, we told you that back here "superior seo web design" - remember? And lol at "the management team" - it's you your mum and your son isnt it? :)

As a team we enjoyed the spirited competition at first, but since it has become a personal issue we decided it was in our best interest to let this one go as it was not conducive to our company culture to respond to, nor indulge in, personal attacks simply for the sake of marketing a silly trophy term. We are proud of our work, proud of our designs and proud of our ability to assist our clients in ranking well on the search engines while retaining a great look and feel to their site. We do not encourage, nor will we participate in, personal attacks against any other web designer, SEO artist or software engineer.

So this is where it gets surreal. re-read bolded bit above, then re-read this from the same page..
they have a really boring web design... it looks like it was put together by a first year web designer with no imagination what so ever..
Yes, that's the mighty dcarter (web designer) you're calling "a first year web designer with no imagination" :)

and funnily enough is what we first thought of your site, student, definitely a student (or ex-teaboy) wonder what Mr Carter would make of it? mincemeat is the answer. it's even got one of those mid 1990's moving gifs on it :) ..btw are you actually colourblind? if so we forgive you for hurting our eyes, but yours is probably the worst SEO website we have ever seen, and that's saying something.

And finally be quick with your "marketing", - check seo web design on caffeine :) ..already told you Timothy, Caffeine is onto the spammers, your time there is short now...

You would be well advised to actually back down now, not continue acting like some helpless little puppy, that once you let go of the choke hold, then tries to bite you again, no-ones been looking at your twitter nonsense or even knows what your soppy new page is all about anyway.

Let it go Tim, properly, just let it all go, and then we will, otherwise we will take you so far to task you'll wish you'd never heard of Ibiza.

Spec ops out.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Spec Ops in Afganistan

Ok listen up.

Spec ops have been a bit quiet on the sitreps lately, lots going on, but little we can talk about, such is the path we tread. However, due to the nature of work we do, we can't help but make noticeable Google-waves occasionally.. :)

So HQ have ordered that we ramp up the workload and (at least pretend that we are going to) keep you all (slightly) better informed of goings on.

First up, the Great Satan himself has been spotted cohorting with the enemy, and donning the local garb (rags on head) to avoid detection.

This is actually rather good news because it means he can now be summarily shot on sight, rather than having to go after him for war (and peace) crimes against his own people (never mind the rest of the world)

- you'll all be pleased to know he's top priority, so there's an extra can of tennants for whoever bags him.

Any volunteers to stick a suicide Google bomb up his kaftan if we haven't nailed his sorry ass in a few days, stay behind afterwards please and we'll strap you up.

Secondly, C Company have got to stop joyriding through the Yank bases in the stolen Hummer.

Yes yes, I know it's funny the yanks can't even catch them now they painted it orange, but we're on the same side, and openly trolling our allies just isnt on.

Plus they have now stopped answering the radio completely apart from the odd "YeeeHahh!!" and we're even hearing rumours that they've been doing donuts in the Air Force base's McDonalds car park, it's got to stop, funny or not.

Next as you may be aware the local forces are making great strides in training and equipment and we are confident they'll soon be able to defend their own SERPs from the Talispam once again, but until then we have a job to do, so stop your nonsense and get back to your positions forthwith.

Finally as you may or may not be aware the sniper team have been in action demonstrating their usual superior seo firepower once more with overnight #1 strikes on Yahoo..

..Google is also under heavy siege and will be giving up the top 5 booty within the month.

Just be thankful these boys are firing away from you again now, do not let them at the rum before a mission again and it will hopefully stay that way.

Over and out.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Forest Fire Santa Eulalia

Operatives are reporting in this afternoon on another Ibiza spec ops team in action, the Bombers (or Fire brigade, always thought "bombers" was a funny name for the firemen) against a possible forest fire, or at least a large fire requiring multiple helicopter water drops.

Sirens have been wailing for a while now and several light aircraft have been deployed and circling Santa Eulalia, Ibiza as we speak, see location on map below

View Larger Map

Several helicopters are in action currently and one was observed dropping it's load of water on a hill just to the North of Santa Eularia moments ago and photographed moments afterwards (below)

click image for full size picture, showing helicopter (red) and smoke rising from the ridge (white)

We wish the lads the best of luck.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Superior SEO nonsense

Right listen up, ok this whole superior nonsense is all getting a bit surreal.

If there were a competition as to who could say the same few simple seo sentences, the most times, in the most (only very slightly) different ways, it would definitely be tied at the top between these two superior pretenders.

Recce team are tonight reporting that superior seo design is looking like being once again back under Ibicenco control as the SEO Ibiza superior seo system winds up to full power.

We would expect it to yo-yo for a while before settling permanently.

What's funny is that HQ really couldn't care less, but had they been bragging to all and sundry about it on twitter for weeks.. ..well one would think the shame would be pretty bad to lose it again, for any length of time, wouldn't it..? :)

In the meantime the traffic-less trophy term "superior seo" search now looks like a newbie SEO v1.0 technique practice ground, with more superior seo spam splatting into Google's index daily..

Butch isnt out of the (2nd place and below ;) ) running yet, which is hardly surprising as he is the SEO Master, the true "5E0 Ma5t4" (and can do for you what no-one else can) and has prepared a high quality superior seo blogspot post to show us this again very recently..
"Search Engine m'Optimizashun (or SEO to us masters) is the Art and Science of getting your website to rank, m'kay?"
And superior seo web design comedian is on a stupendous article & press release binge of truly gargantuan proportions, daily his nonsense appears in the SERP sometimes hourly, and the cheeky monkey is only now quoting a line from our site in this nonsense and then adding his own totally wrong spin to the end of our sentence.. .. and without link attribution too, tut tut..

The latest masterpiece from the superior seo web design spam team has the paragraph quoted below and dissected at length by us..
...Now there are a lot of SEO experts out there who will insist that they know what they’re doing. That they have Google’s “number” and can put you at the top of the search engines.
Lol, boy oh boy there certainly are.
...There’s a couple of things you might want to check though before putting your hard earned money down though. Have them give you a couple of references, folks that they’ve worked with.
Hahaha yes, this search is an awesome display of obtaining a client #1 ranking OUT OF 1 PAGE in Google :)
...As a very trusted source in the SEO world puts it:
Lol, thats us, we are definitely a trusted source, oh yes.. ;)
Superior SEO in the world of web2.0+ is a vision of a world with links by users, for users, that users may actually click
Ok SEO Ibiza copyright stops there. this next line is all clown.
Ensuring that your site has the most it possibly can is the way for your site to be seen appropriately by the search engines.
WTF??!!! No it f***king isnt, we never said that, can't you read? Look again, at the bold bit, and tell us where we said "get the most we possibly can" ??

Tell us where it says spam the f**k out of articles rehashing the same nonsense over and over and over ad infinitum, put out press releases, get your nonsense into the news, embarrass yourself, whilst MIS quoting us?

Superior SEO is about content you muppets, and content is not just the same thing repeated over and over and over again, either onpage, or in oldstyle Google index spamming of press releases and articles NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO READ (well seriously, anyway)

So, SpamPageRankings, when you read this, you should really have a look through the SEO Master's collection of Superior SEO spam, it's far more extensive than yours, (so far, granted at this rate you'll catch him quickly) and see how far articles and press releases got him in this comedy SERP.

Final note, our spec ops superior seo design project is coming along nicely, see screenshot below, we still have to just swap just a couple of the positions around, but it's coming, oh, it's coming.. ;)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Maltese Web Design Numpty Revisited

Right listen up, remember "Numpty of the Year 2007" ?

No, no, not "Dick - D1g1tal numpty" this was the Maltese web design Lemon remember?

He was never officially titled Numpty 2007, but that's all about to change - it's this twat, the Maltese Web Gimp "who doesn't believe in SEO" ?

Intel shows that he is up to his old tricks again, deleting and changing sites he has had strict instructions from the owners to leave alone for more than a year now.

If this was in the interests of the owner, this would be one thing, however it is not, it is being done specifically to bait HQ, who you can be assured are now well and truly baited and were sounding a bit like a bad Tourettes attack on the radio this morning.. :)

So we have orders to let the target have a full volley of the spec ops treatment, and this time we're going to out him by name and put his trophy post right underneath his company name in the charts, and we are going to explain in full, why companies who are interested in their website doing any business on their behalf, should avoid gimp web design at all costs.

There's a command briefing this afternoon to decide appropriate action (and phrases) we are pushing for either "Maltese Numpty" or "Maltese Web Gimp" so expect to be mobilizing and moving out this evening, Gimp himself will be very embarrassed upon Googling his company name from tomorrow onwards.

watch this space

edit 10-07-09. it would appear that Intel was partial and incomplete in this case and that for reasons of diplomatic nature this Op is suspended until further notice..

So stand down, get back to your ladies.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Ibiza Girls Images Uncovered

Ok, it's not all trolling comedians and numpties around here you know, we undertake serious ops too, none more so than policing and defence of our Ibiza Girls image searches.

So this is an Ibiza girls special op uncovered, as opposed to the kind you were probably looking for .. we can do that kind of trickery here.. ;)

Keyword-wise, the SEO soldiers will immediate recognise the tactics on this post, but for the SEO civilians amongst you passing through we'll spell (some of ;) it out simple like..

Phase 1. - Manuevre our fave Ibiza girls pic belonging to Ibiza Voice into images #1 or thereabouts and then hand back SERP ownership. See Google search here Ibiza Girls

Phase 2 - Dig in and reinforce the position by further associating the picture with other terms, party girls, space girls, girls on girls, and ultimately now HQ are getting hits from just "girls" here now.

Phase 3 - Having rooted out the usurpers in the SERP hand back ownership of target image to Voice with hugely increased image ranking and hence traffic. (underway)

It has been observed however that this SERP is swarming with universal search operators, with only 3 out of 10 organic search listings making it through alive as shown on the satellite report below, so stealth has been paramount.

Can you spot the embedded SEO spec ops image sniper deeply entrenched in the SERP below?

Ibiza Girls - Universal search

..No? haha, give you a clue..

Ibiza girls spec ops organic #1 snipery

In your sitting room having dinner with your ladies .. ;)

This is a complex ongoing operation, and on the whole has been conducted with pinpoint laser strike accuracy to ensure minimum SEO civilian casualties as far as possible, however in an SEO war, it is inevitable there will be casualties, and for this we apologise.

Our hearts go out to those who have lost dear ones (images or sites) in these skirmishes, but it's for the good of the Ibiza girls organic & image SERPs, which you had better believe, we will defend vigorously.

As you were.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Superior SEO .. the game is on..

Ok so apparently seo comedian from the previous post is now to be taken at least semi- seriously as he is now up to #2 for Superior SEO using what some might label not so superior seo web design techniques.

Having backed off from a serious discussion about Superior SEO web design here promising to calm down, we have it on good authority he's quitely gone off "to prove that lot wrong, my way is the best way 10k words in a scrollbar rules!! .." etc. :)

However due to Google still being eminently spammable, its working for the moment anyway.

HQ have already called in the airstrikes but Google is being slow in caching so we're on the case as well now. This might well end up a bit like bullying the retarded kid in the playground by the time it's finished, but well hey, this is serious SEO ethics business,
you rank for a phrase, does not mean you are that phrase.. ..that would be like ranking for "genius amazing brain surgeon"
.. get lost with your scalpel nutter!
Of course this applies to us too, but we are not spamming Twitter, Propellor article - marketing for links all aimed at these silly phrases and generally telling everyone else we can find who will listen, how great we are because we rank for a silly phrase.

Superior SEO Design our collective arses, the game is now on.

edit 07-07-09 click -->>link<<-- see why HQ really aren't bothered by anything except the misappropriation of the word "superior" here.
..all those superior seo #1's - traffic value? nil.
edit 09-07-09 .. dear oh dear.

Nobody hates you, mirth is a very different thing to hate, "Power Twit" is about right though.. ;)

edit 19-08-09 TN insists on various funny spamblogs he runs that he isnt spamming.

check .. :)

hmm.. looks like Wordpress themselves might just disagree ?

Sunday, June 21, 2009

D1G1TAL Numpty update

Ok listen up.

D1g1tal numpty has now been handed over to us.

As he clearly now thinks he's home free he is cracking on with his numpty-world domination plan involving "pooling together no-brainers" and getting the shareholders to moonlight as software testers from what we could gather.

Well that's all well and good but recce team think it's just a little bit cheeky, plus a bit retarded, to be putting "SEO" in his meta kw tags :) ..what a numpty.

he's also committed SEO Hall of Cardinal Shame Offence #7
<meta name="robots" content="index, follow">
..what a numpty.

It might be a laugh to now canvass all his latest brand new site'owners explaining the inherent technology and search engine visability challenges they face from their hi-tech, expensive, flash SEO-useless sites. :)

Saturday, June 13, 2009

SEO Clowns & Comedians

"Come in Hooston, we have a problem.."

So HQ's "Guaranteed Houston SEO spammer" or "Cease & Desist"Clown as he's affectionately known as here seemingly took the best advice offered to him, and promptly deleted his offending website rather than engage with us (..we get that a lot, in case you're wondering ;)

It's a shame really because covert ops dug up some wonderful background articles, on amongst other stuff the power of blog comment spamming (& if only he'd done it himself instead of outsourcing we'd probably have never have fallen out) and one beauty in particular from one of his two other newer and less silly sites, we'll quote a little now with name removed.. [us in red]

..Yes look sunshine, not sure how to break this to you, "hanging with your homies" eating pizza and playing playstation doesn't make you an SEO. ..Anyway, he's been downgraded to "no discernable threat of any sort" now so we have to leave him alone.

And June's SEO Comedy Award goes to superior seo spam man after a stunning display of...
" look-at-me-I-rank-for-a-ridiculous-term-I-can-do-the-same-for-you.."
and this has to be the funniest Twitter marketing campaign ever

<> Edited by High Command

this guy turned out to be OK via email comms if a bit new to the game. He's just making as much noise as possible with his new company, sensitive info removed.. As you were...
< /s n i p >

BWAHAHahahahahahahahahahaha.. ...seo comedy genius in the making :)

spec ops out.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Ibiza Health Alert?

Google Alerts for Ibiza does spam us with all kinds of nonsense over the summer season but just occasionally a funny one makes it all worthwhile..

Here is one such joke post that cracked a few smiles this morning, courtesy of


A MUTANT strain of gonorrhoea has laid waste to large sections of Ibiza and is threatening to invade the UK this summer, experts have warned.

Dancing in their own filth
The new breed of clap, which has proven resistant to conventional antibiotics, has already razed several nightclubs to the ground and is currently encamped in San Antonio.

The giant gonorrhoea, named 'Crotchzilla' by locals, first appeared after strange glowing lights were seen in the sky over Ibiza Town last month.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Radioactive germs must have attached themselves to the gen1tals of a local lothario, or skank.

"It will then have mutated to monstrous proportions in the dank, soggy heat of an Ibiza foam party."

Amateur footage, filmed by a local bar owner, shows Crotchzilla swatting police helicopters out of the sky and crushing British-themed bars underfoot.

One eye-witness said: "It was a bit like Cloverfield but with more suppurating gen*tal sores."

The Foreign Office said it was now inevitable the monster would reach the UK hidden inside a set of holidaymaker's ar$etraps.

A spokesman said: "We are at the mercy of Crotchzilla. All it will take is the combination of a warm, humid summer and our in-built need to f**k anything that moves after two bottles of pear cider."

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Texas SEO Rednecks

Ok stand to.

SEO Spec Ops are @ Bikini Amber as of 09.00 hours this morning after some "Hooston SEO" type clown opened comms with HQ today with an emailed "Cease & Desist", after initially spamming their blog, then not liking the comment replies.. ?? !! :)


..Said clown was duly given his marching orders in blunt language by return, and we've had the situation under surveillance ever since.

It would appear at this point that the Texan SEO rednecks have tonight deleted their site, and are retreating (run away, run away! :) unless it's just a server error or something.

It was a pretty naff site anyway, giving "SEO Guarantees" and the individual in question does have two more slightly better looking ones to play with, so it's no great loss to the internet.

We've been digging deep and are kinda hoping he tries further intimidation tactics because this redneck SEO is going to have an awfully red neck (and face) by the time he's finished trying to dig himself out of this hole.. :)

watch this space..

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Funniest Link Exchange Request 2009

Maybe only funny to Brits (expats obviously) with our inate toilet humour, but this one cracked a few battle faces into smirking on parade when it arrived this week, HQ got a spam email link request from a US SEO firm called "NoB SEO" :) ..we kid you not..

and replied with the volley below:
Nob SEO? are you serious? you do realise that nob is the English slang for weiner? :)

I dont think we can link to a company called nobSEO but you could try our young mate over at

maybe you could optimize his ass with your nobSEO? :) ..good luck with that
Well they might not want to link to them because of their silly name but we have no such qualms, so have a one way link with no recips required on us, and hearty congratulations, that name is so inspired, it's almost linkbait..

Then it's back to the latest Intel (analytics) funnies, this week we have:
  • "prove you have a clue"
  • "you have a clue and"
  • ibiza fighting girls
  • ladies puppies
  • Maltese "not allowed in Ibiza" :)
  • Ibiza + girls how do I get me one?
  • is it easy to pick up grils in Ibiza
  • how do i know what spec my new ibiza is
The last of these is a question a lot of Ibiza residents have been wondering for a little while now.

Whilst the penultimate reminds us of the time last year that Brothel (Gringos) on the Ibiza -Santa Eulalia road painted "Grils" instead of girls in 4 foot letters on their newly decorated outside wall :)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Funniest Forum Post of the Week

Digitalpoint is responsible for some classic posts it must be said.

hi i have an seo site and it,s ranking is down despite of having 47 links on google and it doesnot even apears on the domain keyword what do you think might be wrong and it,s domain age is 1 month and link age is also 1 month.
Yes..... :)

Does anybody else see anything slightly ironic about this or are we just getting old and cynical?

Saturday, May 16, 2009

SEO Baghdad - Iraq

Right listen up..

It's only just occurred to the Military that although things are slowly coming round on the ground in Iraq, their SERP is still completely unsecured, in fact, "wide open" would be a good description. So we have orders to mobilize immediately and secure the position.

Several things to watch out for lads, after the failure of the US initial approach..

..and the surprise success of the sheep-powered rocket launchers in the SEO Afghanistan campaign, they now seem to have wholesale adopted the:

"if you can't beat them, join them"
..attitude, and are now embracing animal weaponry with a vengeance.

Sheep are obviously in hot demand..

sheep bombs

and Donkey bombs are in blatent use on both sides now..

donkey bomb

Not to mention the new superbreed of "War Donkeys"..

battle donkeys

So keep your eyes and ears open (for loud baa-ing and braying sounds mostly..) and lets get in there, get the job done and get out again without any more of that nonsense from last time, right?

Absolutely no more of that Taliban-trolling ok? ..yes, yes I know it was funny, but we're not here for fun, this is serious seo business, got it?

taliban trolling

Ok, you know the drill, Radio Silence until those Iraqi ladies are safe and sound..

Over and out.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

SEO Mastery & the Funniest Nav Link Titles Ever..

Ok this guy is just the best.. :)

we wrote about him a couple of weeks ago, back here - Return of the SEO master, but seriously he is hours of entertainment.. the "how to make a blogger blog" podcast is the funniest thing we've listened to for a long time, samples below..
"you really need to develop the habit of writing like a search engine spider.." (mmkay.. :)

"dont be concerned that people are going to read your writing and think you're an idiot.." (...this never bothers you, does it Oh master? :)

"...because you are writing for search engine spiders"
..Although this does explain a lot, isn't this in direct contravention" with Google's "content for people not engines" approach hmmm...? or in plain words, "spam" ?

and when you Google " name surname" seo - you get 42100 results, we only made it 67 pages into the results and were still finding a never-ending procession of new Spammy-McSpamSpam domains, subdomains, free blogs, press releases etc etc etc recurring.

To be fair we expect he's right and the vast majority of these have never been exposed to a human eye, but still.... :) and check these main navlink titles (and SE friendly permalinks ) on the brand new flagship blog..
"...offers top level online promotions for large to mid sized companies..."
Classic comic SEO mastery from the industry's finest.. (names replaced with xx's)

  • /?cat=4" title="domains and hosting, domains, domain names, domain registrations, buy a domain where to buy a domain, how to buy a domain,,,,, .com, .net, .biz, .info, .ws, .mobi, .tv">Domains and Hosting
  • /?cat=5" title="email marketing with autoresponders, email marketing, autoresponders, how to use email marketing,, autoresponder system">Email Marketing with Autoresponders
  • /?cat=34" title="free classified ads, post free classified ads, classified advertising, post free classified ads">Free Classified Ads
  • /?cat=66" title="Google Pay Per Click Advertising, Is Google Advertising Good For You, Google Advertising, Pay Per Clicks, Pay Per Click Fraud">Google Pay-Per-Click Advertising
  • /?cat=51" title="How to Hire an SEO Firm, Hiring an SEO Consultant, Hiring an SEO Master">How to Hire an SEO Firm
  • /?cat=61" title="Internet Advertising, Advertising, Classified Advertising, Advertising Your Business on Google, Google Pay-Per-Click, Google Pay-Per-Click Advertising">Internet Advertising
  • /?cat=3" title="search engine optimization services, seo services, seo, sem, search engine marketing, website optimization, web optimization, google tools for webmasters, how to obtain top positions on google">Search Engine Optimization Services
  • /?cat=9" title="seo ezine articles, ezine articles, free ezine articles, ezine articles for google positions, ezine article publisher, how to write ezine articles for publication, ezine article syndication">SEO Ezine Articles
  • /?cat=7" title="seo newsletters, seo articles, seo insights, seo perspectives, seo press releases, seo on google, how to obtain top positions on google, writing google content">SEO Newsletters
  • /?cat=6" title="seo videos, search engine optimization videos, search engine optimization youtube videos,, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx on youtube,">SEO Videos
He even "has a Google spider permanently attached" to his forum..

We kid you not. :)

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha... !!!

Monday, May 4, 2009

SEO Imposters

Ok listen up, long range undercover operatives have been scoping out various SERPs of late and more and more we're coming across blatent SEO imposters.

Now we're not even going to comment on their SEO skills, and as they've been found (in the #30's) in some reasonably competitive searches (SEO services UK et al) they obviously have some idea, when it comes to SEO that is..

We're not saying that they're impersonating SEOs as such, but that they are actually from one place and pretending to be from another.. For example, if you're calling yourself a UK SEO specialist.. dont put grammar like this on your website:
UK SEO Specialists is leading Internet marketing and Search Engine Optimisation Company based in the Manchester (UK) We only believe in ethical way or white hat seo because of there are various disadvantages in black hat seo. Google might be send website in sandbox if use unethical way
We at Uk web design xxxxxxxxxxx is UK based leading website designing company providing professional website design service..
blah blah blah..

So, no UK contact number on the the site/s, just a contact form, and a poor grasp of the English language, not so good for a "UK SEO specialist" eh? :) - in fact, on reading, there's a definite ring of "It ain't half hot mum" about it, truth be told..

We've seen this same thing before in the SEO Sydney searches here SEO spam down under and a few other places.. hmmm... :)

We'll leave you with our favourite lines for last, enjoy :)
Our SEO experts having SEO certificates from various online exams and knowledge of programming so they are able to changes in it.

Our goal is only to deliver maximum valuable traffics to you. We update ourselves as per search engine algorithm and make changes in our strategies which will improve more revenue and deliver traffics
Yes, sure it will :) ..we're sure we will be showing fairly high for SEO imposters shortly, and anyone with a clue can find these sites and judge for themselves :)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Ibiza Living TV update

Right this has been a spec ops project since last summer, so its time for an update.

Many (maybe 3 or 4) of you might remember we declared Googlewar on Living TV 's Ibiza (and hence Virgin) over the pile of sh*te they tried to pass off as the real ibiza last summer.

Well when spec ops get dug into something there's no letting it lie, and as Branson has not yet apologised in person the Google harassment continues. We've linked it into the Ibiza uncovered searches so anyone looking for that gets to see it, and now we've also linked it in with Virgin cable complaints in general (because, in a way, it is, isnt it?) and are starting to see traffic from that.

There is no getting away from it, we are going to make sure anyone with any interest in Ibiza TV or Living TV Ibiza, or Virgin complaints in general, gets the opportunity to read our diatribe.
"They smile in your face, all the time they wanna slate your place the back stabbers, back stabbers, they smile in your face, all the time they wanna slate your place the back stabbers, back stabbers..."
..and don't come back until you're sorry.

Oh, and Google if you wouldn't mind awfully, can you get on and cache this >>SEO India<< please? were waiting on it.

Ok, so anyone wanting to know what actually living in Ibiza would be like follow the link, otherwise, you were.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

SEO India - what's the matter with you all?

Right listen up.

HQ been sorely disappointed at the lack of response to the FREE SEO INDIA link competition.

We know there are thousands of Indian SEO companies out there, 99% of whom, this link would be highly beneficial to. So instead of your constant hit and run one liner attempts on the blogs, how about someone step up to the challenge and prove that they do know what they're talking about, and that they have a well put together site.
Is this really too much to ask for a link that will do most of your SEO India serp work for you?
..Searching Google for and then trying hit and run comments on those places and our blogs is not going to get you anywhere.

Get over to the competition and prove you have a clue, and it's yours. Look the post about the competition is on the first page for:
"SEO India link" <<--Try search
And the winners link will be on the page that links to, plus of course on the comments on the competition. We see you on there via Woopra, what are you waiting for? What are you scared of?

We'll treat all entries fairly,. we promise.. ;)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Tactical Sitrep Ibiza

Breaking news.. some cheeky monkey has only gone and registered ..way to never be number #1 for your own name.. (we hope :)

The reason HQ's Numpty is so confident he won't get banned from Google is that he is doing the exact same thing, he has a bundle of hidden links to his HTML pages (that are shown through Flash) hidden behind a full screen Flash gay-scapade.. And he hasn't been banned yet, so this is obviously proof that "Google won't ban you for hidden links..." .. yes ok Dick. : -/

The amusing "Ibiza" searches are slowly returning, these made us chuckle this week..
  • women commando ibiza how many - ( seriously.. :)
  • girls going commando
  • ibiza + yoga + sex :) ( ..there's a thought, haven't optimized for that yet..)
  • the funniest music in Ibiza 2008 ( - David Guetta, no contest ;)
  • what part of Ibiza is Danni Minogue's house
  • Ibiza "how to blag it all summer" - got to admire their fighting spirit, down but not out.. :)
Seriously these are all real.

And to top it all off HQ have just announced they're shortly going to publish all their advanced tactics just for a laugh.

whatever next?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

The Return of the SEO Master

We could possibly have been accused of being a bit dismissive, if not even a little mischievous in our approach to this guy in the past regarding the Superior SEO campaign, but everyone can learn, and it looks like he's got it all sorted now..

check Search Engine Spider Food.. awesome, seriously.... :)

"Tip for the day.." Do ... not .... shoot ... yourself ... in the foot! .. by thinking ....

....that you know how to approach the internet" :)

"If you need a true.. engine optimzation services, then you should call me...

"I am the SEO Master, I am the wildcat SEO Master..

"I can do.. for you and your business, what no-one else can do..."

This is exactly what the dull statistical world of SEO needs, an ancient Master with
"T3H R34L 5EO" :)
We hereby retract everything we ever thought or implied about our man here, and bow before the true SEO Master.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Ibiza Numpties Puppies Ladies & Funnies

Spec ops have been a bit quiet of late, not deep undercover terrorizing a SERP near you, nor optimizin' your ladies you might be surprised to hear :)

ibiza girls

But we found this one today and think they should be higher than their current #21 if possible, lets see what we can do.. ;)

..we haven't really had much to get our teeth properly into for a little while, and one of our number just got a new puppy :) it's all been a bit laid back for a while.

HQ have been dishing out Google bashings to Numpties quite well enough without our help, but we suspect we may get an order to rank the post for his name (without including his name in it, a spec ops speciality, the linkbombing filters make it harder these days)

We would prefer to wait till the post has critical mass of IBLs and then 301 it at his actual site and see if we can swap the two over in the charts :)

..but we probably wont be allowed, "professionalism an' all that.." lol..

In the meantime this site, has been amusing us hugely, it really is very funny.

..and speaking of funnies they've been a bit slow on the analytics too of late but here's a sprinkling of spec ops hits over the last few weeks.
  • beautiful ladies uncovered
  • girls of ibiza uncovered
  • ladies going commando
  • girls in malta need help
  • maltese girls need a man
  • 2 malta girls need a man :) - nothing like a bit of optimism.
  • horse seo :) ??!!
  • world sex seo - wtf?? - if this is a tournament we are definitely entering :)

Monday, March 2, 2009

Island ladies optimized!

So the image optimization testing has been a success.

We now have the picture we chose to be #1 for Ibiza Girls belonging to Ibiza Voice (reclaimed back from the Welsh pretender a few posts ago) and showing in the right place for it's rightful owner.

Ibiza Girls optimized

And our delectable choice of young lady to champion for Maltese girls is now at the #1 spot as well, but still currently showing on Spec Ops rather than the owners blog at the moment, but we would expect that to revert back with the next few weeks..

Maltese Girls optimized

The Mallorca girls image is also showing up at #2 in the Maltese SERP & #3 for Mallorca girls :)

All in all, we think if any of you need your island ladies given a good optimizin' you should probably come see us.. ;)

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Ryanair Trolled for Links?

It couldn't have happened to a more deserving case.

Ryanair have been very effectively trolled for links in a masterclass of linkbaiting, which we are going to jump right on the end of and link at too because someone needed to troll these tools.

Jason Roe, SEO blogger noticed a slight bug on the Ryanair website and blogged about it, then it all went a bit surreal with the help and input of their genius "senior programmers" 1, 2 and 3 who appeared on the blog comments in question and showed off the kind of PR and customer care skills usually reserved for the general traveling public at large on their outrageous website, or at their infamous check-in desks.

Our troll-alarm bells have been ringing since the start as to whether the "senior programmers" did actually work for Ryanair or if the whole thing was planned and engineered by the genius who is Jason Roe SEO ;)

..but Spec ops have done some research and are satisfied that the approach and behaviour shown to public on this blog is genetically highly similar to that of the sales website and therefore very likely came from the same place.

Contrast this to the virgin complaint letter thing from a couple of weeks ago, and you can very clearly see the class divide between Branson's slick PR handling & Ryanair's balls-out arrogance.

That said, once the robbery is actually over (you are successfully past the airport security and no further last minute charges can be compulsarily added to your booking) we have been impressed with the Ibiza to Stansted service this winter, and begrudgingly have to admit that Ryanair do ultimately supply good value for air distance covered.

If only they didn't do it so distastefully all the way through to that point we're sure everyone would be much happier with them generally.

Its not even that we begrudge paying, its that we don't like to be told its one price, then find out one surcharge (at a time) that it's something else entirely..

"...and will you also be breathing on our plane sir? that'll be 20 Euros.."

and hopefully some Ryanair muppets will come over here and have a go, where they'll find their reception much less polite ;)

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Ibiza Scammer Alert!

Ok listen up.

It has come to our attention that scammers are using the ol' Western Union / DHL deposit scam by advertising apartments that seem too good to be true on local property lettings sites and trying to get the potential tenants to send money in exchange for the keys to even see the apartment.

This is a well known Western Union scam

WARNING: Never send payment by WESTERN UNION or MONEYGRAM for any reason!

This includes:

  • Rental deposits
  • Loan fees
  • Job application or visa fees (No legitimate employer requires payment of any kind from a prospective employee)
  • Making a purchase
  • Or any other reason!

Sending or receiving payment by Western Union or MoneyGram is against our terms of use.

Anyone who asks for payment by Western Union or MoneyGram is a scammer.

Be wary of deals that are "too good to be true".

Watch for landlords/owners who are out of the country, travelling or cannot meet you personally.

We've seen these adverts on and so far but they're likely to be on others too, so beware.

And really, how unlucky for them, trying to scam friends of the world renowned SEO Spec Ops group, on the internet, was a bit daft, so we now have a new Google-trolling for amusement project to get stuck right into for 2009, in our very own Ibiza 419 baiters style.


Edit.. as Billy the Kid allegedly used to say... "I'll make you famous"

Monday, February 2, 2009

Virgin NTL & Living TV Ibiza complaints.

Right so while the boss is getting ready to swan off to London next weekend for some "onsite training" (read schmoozing) with his favourite boutique hotel clients, we were chuckling at the Virgin complaint letter that made it to a post on their blog last week.

They liked it so much not only did they post about it but wanted to employ Oli as a guest blogger too. ..Not sure if he's allowed to now though after all the furore.

& well, yea the letter itself was OK, but not sure it was worth all the fuss really, if it wasn't just one big Virgin PR stunt at the beginning, it probably is now. Coincidentally a while back Virgin absorbed the old cable company NTL, and so now have to answer to our favourite ever, (and slightly downmarket it must be said) complaint letter aimed at the nightmare that was NTL.

it's here: NTL complaint letter
"...seemingly limitless inadequacy" :)
..although do be warned he gets a bit more vocal than that..

So poor old Virgin now have the dubious honour of owning 2 of the best compliant letters ever, and not forgetting our very own Google style complaints about the quality and content of their godawful Living TV Ibiza series too, which this week scraped onto the first page of for, ...yep you guessed it, "utter shit" :) sometimes you just have to marvel at the accuracy of Google's relevance calculations don't you?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

While the cat's away..

And so the mighty Spec ops return for 2009's nonsense fresh from the slopes of Andorra where we snowboard like we optimize, ie

"balls out, let's have it!!"

...and what do we return to? ..some cheeky (Welsh!!) monkey has hijacked ours/ our mate's Ibiza-Girls pic (and hence rankings and traffic, but that is not the issue here, as we're just messing about experimenting anyway) the cardinal sin here is one of trying to pass off said Ibiza ladies pic (that we ranked #1 a while back) as bloody welsh birds out in Cardiff!! wtf!

There is no way in a million years that anyone is going to believe those luscious ladies are to be found a f***ing stag do in Cardiff anyway!! Get a grip.

This will not be tolerated lightly, believe you me you little Welsh-stag-monkey ;)

So lest anyone forget, these are IBIZA GIRLS !!

..Again, GIRLS FROM IBIZA.. got it? - we will police and defend our beloved Ibiza Google image searches and brand vigorously.

- Unless a full apology and appropriate credits to the owners of the pics - the Mighty Ibiza Voice are made within 48 hours you can consider yourself one of the Spec Ops projects for 2009.

(involving Google trolling mainly and whatever else amuses us at the time ;) so sort it out.


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