The Ancient Ibicenco Fighting Art of Search Engine Optimisation

Monday, August 24, 2009

Surreal SEO Web Design

Ok, listen up.

Not 2 weeks since matey boy managed to goad us into a semi-serious response to his Superior SEO nonsense he's only gone and folded under the imminent threat of soon being #5 or #6 for all his silly "trophy terms" as the other sites have started piling the pressure on.

and then immediately afterwards, as though anyone else is actually following his nonsense ramblings and he needs to explain (excuses) to his thousands of followers, he puts this nonsense up on their site, ..he certainly does seem hell bent on embarrassing them all as much as humanly possible :) - So lets go through it bit by bit and try and help them with that :

The trohpy term battle was fought well, but it couldn't lastJustify Full

Trohpy terms while very cool, just simply can't have the same level of work performed as terms that actually drive good quality traffic. The team here at Front Page Rankings fought well, but to be honest, we need to get back to builing sites and have no more time for silliness, so we're officially surrendering the fight and will no longer be marketing directly on Twitter using "trophy" terms.

Which we believe was the entire thrust of our objection to the lame Twitter bragging about nonsense phrases in the first place? :) ..And it would also appear that superior web design doesnt include spellcheck? (errors in red)

Some things are better left to those with time

We could have continued to fight, and probably it would have gone back and forth, one way, then the other, but to tell the truth, our operation is a bit too lean to play around too much on trohpy terms. We're on the verge of signing a big new contract that simply won't leave any room what so ever for nonsensical posts. Trying to keep up with what SEO Ibiza can bring to the table when it comes to time and energy for silly trophy terms, which they obviously love to keep, was simply a drain on our resources.

Ok, firstly there was no fight at all, up until 2 weeks ago. The movement up and down was just standard Google flux <--Google it ;)

Secondly I hope youre not talking about your "buy Viagra online" enquiry as this big new contract :) Lastly as to what we can bring to the table, let's put it this way,

If you prod a sleeping Lion enough, you have to expect that at some point it may wake up and do you.. ;)

Officially surrendering to a great team, with a really boring site

Yes, it's true, they have a really boring web design... it looks like it was put together by a first year web designer with no imagination what so ever, but all of us here at Front Page Rankings have to admit, that they can really put some powerful SEO into it with enough time and manpower.

Hopefully they'll get someone to take a look at their site before they put too many potential clients to sleep. They won the 'superior SEO' crown, but in terms of design, we hope they can readily admit, they suck.

With regards to the site template, well it was chosen for it's contemporary looks, and used specifically to demonstrate that SEO has nothing to do with web code - real SEO can be applied to any website coding.

Web designers who sell "SEO services" using W3C validation, "elegant code" etc are:
  • full of shit
  • totally clueless, as these things are mostly totally unimportant in SEO
The template used is a dcarter - one of the most successful and respected independent template / web designers out there, we modified the CSS and images colours to personalize it, but otherwise it's all dcarter. His site is PR7 is how successful he is. Who are you again?

Oh that's right, teaboy, turned webbie, now masquerading as an SEO ;) In 18 months our site has managed to "not put 60+ clients to sleep", bet yours has had at least 4 re-designs before you get to 60 clients ;)

Per the agreement made between Tim Nebergall, the Director of Front Page Rankings, Inc. and Kev Grant (no title given) from SEO Ibiza, we are officially surrendering the trophy term 'superior SEO' and will cease to use it to market on Twitter. Since we still retain ranking on a few other terms this does not mean that we will cease to market altogether. We are still showing very respectably for 'SEO Web Design' (#10 in the US as of 8/24/09) and might just start marketing that term instead as we do believe we have not only the right to market, but a duty to our employees to do so.

Surrendering because you see that now several proper SEO's have aimed the weaponry at you, and that our site is on your ass in 7 days, you have no hope. (yes we bought a domain, thankfully $9.99 for 2 years is not a big deal here ;)

And yet you attempt to take 8k from a struggling business and promise them first page for "buy Vi4GR4 online" in 4 - 6 weeks? :) Hilarious + clinically delusional or is it just fraudulent? - we will be re-visiting this subject in close detail if this nonsense continues on.

The management team at Front Page Rankings, Inc. simply cannot devote the necessary time and energy (especially energy) that is necessary to "recapture" the term 'superior SEO' simply for the sake of marketing and feels that our time is much better spent supporting our clients and seeking new opportunities for continued professional growth.

Yes, we told you that back here "superior seo web design" - remember? And lol at "the management team" - it's you your mum and your son isnt it? :)

As a team we enjoyed the spirited competition at first, but since it has become a personal issue we decided it was in our best interest to let this one go as it was not conducive to our company culture to respond to, nor indulge in, personal attacks simply for the sake of marketing a silly trophy term. We are proud of our work, proud of our designs and proud of our ability to assist our clients in ranking well on the search engines while retaining a great look and feel to their site. We do not encourage, nor will we participate in, personal attacks against any other web designer, SEO artist or software engineer.

So this is where it gets surreal. re-read bolded bit above, then re-read this from the same page..
they have a really boring web design... it looks like it was put together by a first year web designer with no imagination what so ever..
Yes, that's the mighty dcarter (web designer) you're calling "a first year web designer with no imagination" :)

and funnily enough is what we first thought of your site, student, definitely a student (or ex-teaboy) wonder what Mr Carter would make of it? mincemeat is the answer. it's even got one of those mid 1990's moving gifs on it :) ..btw are you actually colourblind? if so we forgive you for hurting our eyes, but yours is probably the worst SEO website we have ever seen, and that's saying something.

And finally be quick with your "marketing", - check seo web design on caffeine :) ..already told you Timothy, Caffeine is onto the spammers, your time there is short now...

You would be well advised to actually back down now, not continue acting like some helpless little puppy, that once you let go of the choke hold, then tries to bite you again, no-ones been looking at your twitter nonsense or even knows what your soppy new page is all about anyway.

Let it go Tim, properly, just let it all go, and then we will, otherwise we will take you so far to task you'll wish you'd never heard of Ibiza.

Spec ops out.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Spec Ops in Afganistan

Ok listen up.

Spec ops have been a bit quiet on the sitreps lately, lots going on, but little we can talk about, such is the path we tread. However, due to the nature of work we do, we can't help but make noticeable Google-waves occasionally.. :)

So HQ have ordered that we ramp up the workload and (at least pretend that we are going to) keep you all (slightly) better informed of goings on.

First up, the Great Satan himself has been spotted cohorting with the enemy, and donning the local garb (rags on head) to avoid detection.

This is actually rather good news because it means he can now be summarily shot on sight, rather than having to go after him for war (and peace) crimes against his own people (never mind the rest of the world)

- you'll all be pleased to know he's top priority, so there's an extra can of tennants for whoever bags him.

Any volunteers to stick a suicide Google bomb up his kaftan if we haven't nailed his sorry ass in a few days, stay behind afterwards please and we'll strap you up.

Secondly, C Company have got to stop joyriding through the Yank bases in the stolen Hummer.

Yes yes, I know it's funny the yanks can't even catch them now they painted it orange, but we're on the same side, and openly trolling our allies just isnt on.

Plus they have now stopped answering the radio completely apart from the odd "YeeeHahh!!" and we're even hearing rumours that they've been doing donuts in the Air Force base's McDonalds car park, it's got to stop, funny or not.

Next as you may be aware the local forces are making great strides in training and equipment and we are confident they'll soon be able to defend their own SERPs from the Talispam once again, but until then we have a job to do, so stop your nonsense and get back to your positions forthwith.

Finally as you may or may not be aware the sniper team have been in action demonstrating their usual superior seo firepower once more with overnight #1 strikes on Yahoo..

..Google is also under heavy siege and will be giving up the top 5 booty within the month.

Just be thankful these boys are firing away from you again now, do not let them at the rum before a mission again and it will hopefully stay that way.

Over and out.

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