Summer Sitrep

Right stop what you're doing and listen up lads.

Ok firstly some of you heard the rumours, but now its confirmed, the SEO Scotland op is officially off due to a lack of interest all round at the top. Yes I know some of you were already picturing the lassies, but it's not happening so get over it.

Secondly web mania are still utter pants but are under heavy siege both in the SERP and from irate customers in the comments, so that's covered now for the forseeable.



Finally, and the main reason for this briefing, HQ had another slight altercation earlier in the week with a "forum expert" with another (as in possibly Texan) target along the lines of "Hooston SEO Clown" remember him? :)

However reports are yet not conclusive as Geordie was muttering the words Odessa Florida and Tampa as he passed out in the bar and couldn't remember a thing when he came round.

So "Operation Alicia SEO" is a standard code 4, and all the usual protocols apply, so we'll have no more of that "improvisation" from the long range team, funny though it definitely was ;)

Ok get to it, over and out.

Spec Ops 2011

Ok lads, R & R is over, back at it.

First up, back in blighty, we have HQ's Web Mania "project", which although gathering pace..


... is yet to make page 1 for their name, so let's get that sorted ASAP.

Secondly, back on the home front, HQ are ramping up the serp defence ops on "SEO Services Ibiza" against Braveheart and fortifying the main brand with a scrolling real-time box:


... and a new universal search (video) presence



See also : SEO services Ibiza and the SEO Ibiza Youtube channel

These new outposts are to be positioned either directly above or immediately below the real-time pop-out forthwith.

However before you some of you go getting too excited about those Scottish lassies, you should bear in mind that the entire SEO Scotland counter-attack is looking very likely to be canceled due to a distinct lack of long-range recce volunteers or interest.

Ok, as you were, Ibiza out.

Sitrep 26-01-2011 UK Perimeter secured, coming on nicely lads..

Ibiza SEO Sitrep

Ok lads quick update on the Ibiza SEO mission.

Those of you who were awake at the last briefing will remember that the only person who's ever come to the site using the words that way round was our "Ibiza SEO wannabe? (see post below if you're worried about booby-trapped links)

Well oddly enough :) the very next day after we pointed this out *someone else* hit the site "from the UK" using that very term.. just how unlikely is that, 3 years nothing, then 2 in 2 days? ..someone else using IE8 at 1920 x 1200 resolution? :)



Er.. yea, alright Numpty, because no-one knows what a VPN is round here do they? - or even which one you're using (Hidemyass? :) Whilst nosing around Spec Ops he noticed the satellite imagery of his previous surveillance (2mins 2 secs here below)



He even had a read of "The Art of SERP War" while he was there, but he obviously didn't learn much, or understand that it's not just an IP address that can gives your footprint away, because a quick switch to Amsterdam on the VPN..



and continued nosing around blissfully unaware he'd been pinged and was being observed through the cross-hairs the whole way..



Now any proper SEO troops know it's better to have your opposition underestimate you than the other way around, if only to see the looks on their faces when you boot their kitchen doors in and escort their ladies off for "de-briefing" (SEO Services Ibiza -if you get my drift ;)

However in this instance this operative is showing such low levels of awareness there is a strong possibility any actual SERP contact is likely to resemble 42 Commando RM vs Argie Conscripts 1982..

The combination of superior seo training, extensive serp combat experience, advanced weaponry (including surveillance equipment) is likely to make victory quickly decisive.

It's not bragging, but it's just not reasonable to expect a "bedroom seo" who by one means or another "inherited" control of a site that wasnt built by and didn't belong to him, and has never strayed out of the safety of little "Ibiza" searches, to have any hope against hardened shock troops with global combat experience in some of the toughest SERPs on earth.

However Lads, the Rules of Engagement are to be strictly followed, business is business and we must act in accordance of the rules, however if he makes it personal.. :)



Well thats a whole other can of worms isn't it? :)

SEO Ibiza - as you were..

Ibiza SEO

Right listen up.

You'll be glad to know the SEO Scotland situation has resolved itself with minimal haggis spilt, but we have orders to mobilise immediately to deal with some homegrown insurgency.

Intel have been observing some "interesting" action around Ibiza SEO see below..

This is clearly not a very advanced adversary as he seems to think IE is an appropriate browser for the job :) ..alright, stop your sniggering..

Ha ha, yes yes, he probably does code in asp and host on Windows too, but he seems to be trying to pick up intel of his own, it looks like he's trying to work out how to build a half decent WP SEO blog (WMDs) for a disgruntled customer or something so we have to engage.

The fact he always lands on the site following "Ibiza SEO" leads us to believe he is targeting it, which is funny as in all the years HQ have been #1 for "SEO Ibiza" & "Ibiza SEO", he's the only one who's ever searched it that way round..

He's probably got it that way round in his site's competing page title too, profiling suggests this character is likely to try mis-spellings of things and shortcuts to give himself more of a chance..

Anyway I won't bore you with any more details, you know what to do.

SEO Services Ibiza Over & Out.

Dodgy Rankings Companies

Right listen up. ..What is it with "SEO companies" with "Rankings" in their names?

Obviously we use both SEO and "company" in the loosest possible sense of the words..

2009 was the year of TN's "Funny Page Rankings" who has still got another company's name plastered all over the front page of business site ..seriously.. :)

..and now this year HQ have taken offense at ABC Rankings stealing content from the main site with scrapers, spinning it, and building .info spam networks with our name plastered all over them too.

So Spec Ops first job as privateers looks like we're off to Thailand..

watch this space...

SEO Iran?

Unbelievable. No sooner do we secure SEO Yemen..

..than the yanks start their bloody war talk on Iran instead.

These people need to make their minds up, it's no wonder they can't catch SEO bin Laden and his cousin Osama bin Spammin' their attention spans definitely need work.

Anyway, SEO Iran is a whole different ballgame than our Yemeni-trained pants bomber

The iranseo.com special forces (the Analytic Guard) are well trained, well supplied, and heavily dug in. In fact their SERP defence is not unlike like HQ's SEO Ibiza dominance

And, er, we haven't had time to "pickupadalingo" so if it's all the same with you we might sit this one out.. ?

Now c'mon don't be like that, we've been supporting your "SEO wars on this, and wars on that" for as long as we can remember now, we were there for you in Badhdad (Iraq) and who can ever forget the fun in Afhganistan ?

But seriously, we think our state-of-the art wordpress sniper skills can be much better employed than running around sorting your nonsense out anymore..

Let's just say the SEO Spec Ops are going into "private security" from now on.

Spec Ops 2010 - SEO Yemen & beyond..

Ok listen up.

Holiday's over, time to focus on 2010's spec ops, and there's plenty going on..

First up some clown apparently flew into Detroit hoping to explode his pants, (and the plane he was in) having been supposedly been trained by the criminal masterminds who currently have 100,000 US troops tied up in an un-winnable fight that will ultimately bankrupt the entire US State..

Hmm, exploding pants.. ..sounds more like the work of the CIA to us to be honest..

You have to give it to this lot, they are doing a supreme job of trolling the US into what will go down in the annals of history, as the biggest ($3 trillion) over-reaction of all-time, to anything, like ever..



...If Bin laden wanted a reaction and to just waste the US' time and divert their attention while their whole world comes crashing down around them, then he's done a superb job of it.

...still, orders are orders and we have been assigned to secure the SEO Yemen SERP as usual, and wait for America's next "War against 100 people in the desert" to begin..


The local Yemeni SEO troops look the usual rag-tag lot, and will need our ongoing support and training as usual.

At least the Yemini insurgents are still very much in the basic "blowing up their own pants" stage and haven't as yet graduated to the highly sophisticated animal weaponry we've seen employed in the Baghdad & SEO Afghanistan campaigns..

Otherwise, any volunteers for Troll-rat duty report to me at the end, the rest of you go do your stuff..

Internet Marketing Pirates Ibiza

Haha right listen up.

Ok never mind your good old fashioned Somalian Pirates (inset and well worth a look close up - photoshop genius at large :)

A new breed of Piracy just been internationally recognised and outed on the well-known anti-internet Piracy Organisation: .. Twitter

And these particular internet pirates were caught just blatently nicking someone else's design for their new flagship "Creative Internet Design" site, packed the hilt with nothing but design portfolio examples.. ..hmm.. :)

The Twitter trail of piracy is screen-shotted below

Captain Whiteheart & the "technical wizards & creative geniuses" have been doing this kind of thing at least since the beginning of 2008 when they also "borrowed some inspiration" from another site, only they "borrowed" so much they accidentally left the links to the original site in place :) (about 2/3 of the way down the page...)

"They went as far as actually cutting and pasting our code whole, and just swapping our pagelinks for theirs (as demonstrated by their forgetting to remove one of our links and linking back to us by mistake.."

Clearly this is not a very intelligent adversary :)

And this is the same "company" who are also risking one of their client's expensive new sites being banned from Google by hiding links to their own advertising site on it. (second half of previous post - code red nose)

This piracy alert will stay up until these and all other unethical techniques and hidden links are removed from all client sites.

SEO Spec Ops Ethics (Anti Piracy) Department out.

Surreal SEO Combat - Part II

Hahaha ok listen up.

It was obviously too good to be true that the Clown Prince of SEO would actually drop it and stop his nonsense, well he hasn't, he's been re-designing his site to "attack" again.

And there we were, almost resigned to having to remove all mentions of him and find more clowns to play with. We are (ever-so-slightly) encouraged to see that he has been listening and has now at least added some extra pages and terms to his Surrealest of web designs that may actually attract potential customers at some point..

But he has then devoted a whole page of his "business website" to this fantasy "battle" he thinks is constantly going on (which is still actually only Google flux wrt to the main SEO Ibiza site)

Since his last lambasting in the previous surreal seo web design post and the subsequent deletion of silly page, he has now reinstated most of his nonsense again, and is still trying to pretend he doesn't care about these silly terms and is "too busy with big marketing clients" to be bothered with the nonsense he started.

And currently about 95% of the world will see his site at 3rd & 4th anyway when he thinks he's first, even in the US at the moment where Ibiza are at their weakest since geo-targeting the UK in late 2008.



HQ already had one potential client of his contact them a while ago, having found them by trying his silly "marketing" superior seo design search nonsense, and you would think that at some point, he might work out that advertising a far superior seo company other than your own, all over your business website, is not so sharp.

Especially so when you're trying to do it with phrases that given Google's very nature you can never be sure what the client will actually see.

# Credibility Rule One

- keep silly personal stuff off your main business website ;)

Anyway, credibility wont now be an issue because he has his own radio show, super-stardom now beckons.. Enjoy ;) .....

Spec Ops in Afganistan

Ok listen up.

Spec ops have been a bit quiet on the sitreps lately, lots going on, but little we can talk about, such is the path we tread. However, due to the nature of work we do, we can't help but make noticeable Google-waves occasionally.. :)



So HQ have ordered that we ramp up the workload and (at least pretend that we are going to) keep you all (slightly) better informed of goings on.

First up, the Great Satan himself has been spotted cohorting with the enemy, and donning the local garb (rags on head) to avoid detection.

This is actually rather good news because it means he can now be summarily shot on sight, rather than having to go after him for war (and peace) crimes against his own people (never mind the rest of the world)

- you'll all be pleased to know he's top priority, so there's an extra can of tennants for whoever bags him.

Any volunteers to stick a suicide Google bomb up his kaftan if we haven't nailed his sorry ass in a few days, stay behind afterwards please and we'll strap you up.

Secondly, C Company have got to stop joyriding through the Yank bases in the stolen Hummer.

Yes yes, I know it's funny the yanks can't even catch them now they painted it orange, but we're on the same side, and openly trolling our allies just isnt on.

Plus they have now stopped answering the radio completely apart from the odd "YeeeHahh!!" and we're even hearing rumours that they've been doing donuts in the Air Force base's McDonalds car park, it's got to stop, funny or not.

Next as you may be aware the local forces are making great strides in training and equipment and we are confident they'll soon be able to defend their own SERPs from the Talispam once again, but until then we have a job to do, so stop your nonsense and get back to your positions forthwith.

Finally as you may or may not be aware the sniper team have been in action demonstrating their usual superior seo firepower once more with overnight #1 strikes on Yahoo..






















.
..Google is also under heavy siege and will be giving up the top 5 booty within the month.

Just be thankful these boys are firing away from you again now, do not let them at the rum before a mission again and it will hopefully stay that way.

Over and out.

Superior SEO nonsense

Right listen up, ok this whole superior nonsense is all getting a bit surreal.

If there were a competition as to who could say the same few simple seo sentences, the most times, in the most (only very slightly) different ways, it would definitely be tied at the top between these two superior pretenders.

Recce team are tonight reporting that superior seo design is looking like being once again back under Ibicenco control as the SEO Ibiza superior seo system winds up to full power.

We would expect it to yo-yo for a while before settling permanently.

What's funny is that HQ really couldn't care less, but had they been bragging to all and sundry about it on twitter for weeks.. ..well one would think the shame would be pretty bad to lose it again, for any length of time, wouldn't it..? :)

In the meantime the traffic-less trophy term "superior seo" search now looks like a newbie SEO v1.0 technique practice ground, with more superior seo spam splatting into Google's index daily..

Butch isnt out of the (2nd place and below ;) ) running yet, which is hardly surprising as he is the SEO Master, the true "5E0 Ma5t4" (and can do for you what no-one else can) and has prepared a high quality superior seo blogspot post to show us this again very recently..

"Search Engine m'Optimizashun (or SEO to us masters) is the Art and Science of getting your website to rank, m'kay?"

And superior seo web design comedian is on a stupendous article & press release binge of truly gargantuan proportions, daily his nonsense appears in the SERP sometimes hourly, and the cheeky monkey is only now quoting a line from our site in this nonsense and then adding his own totally wrong spin to the end of our sentence.. .. and without link attribution too, tut tut..

The latest masterpiece from the superior seo web design spam team has the paragraph quoted below and dissected at length by us..

...Now there are a lot of SEO experts out there who will insist that they know what they’re doing. That they have Google’s “number” and can put you at the top of the search engines.

Lol, boy oh boy there certainly are.

...There’s a couple of things you might want to check though before putting your hard earned money down though. Have them give you a couple of references, folks that they’ve worked with.

Hahaha yes, this search is an awesome display of obtaining a client #1 ranking OUT OF 1 PAGE in Google :)

...As a very trusted source in the SEO world puts it:

Lol, thats us, we are definitely a trusted source, oh yes.. ;)

Superior SEO in the world of web2.0+ is a vision of a world with links by users, for users, that users may actually click

Ok SEO Ibiza copyright stops there. this next line is all clown.

Ensuring that your site has the most it possibly can is the way for your site to be seen appropriately by the search engines.

WTF??!!! No it f***king isnt, we never said that, can't you read? Look again, at the bold bit, and tell us where we said "get the most we possibly can" ??

Tell us where it says spam the f**k out of articles rehashing the same nonsense over and over and over ad infinitum, put out press releases, get your nonsense into the news, embarrass yourself, whilst MIS quoting us?

Superior SEO is about content you muppets, and content is not just the same thing repeated over and over and over again, either onpage, or in oldstyle Google index spamming of press releases and articles NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO READ (well seriously, anyway)

So, SpamPageRankings, when you read this, you should really have a look through the SEO Master's collection of Superior SEO spam, it's far more extensive than yours, (so far, granted at this rate you'll catch him quickly) and see how far articles and press releases got him in this comedy SERP.

Final note, our spec ops superior seo design project is coming along nicely, see screenshot below, we still have to just swap just a couple of the positions around, but it's coming, oh, it's coming.. ;)

Maltese Web Design Numpty Revisited

Right listen up, remember "Numpty of the Year 2007" ?

No, no, not "Dick - D1g1tal numpty" this was the Maltese web design Lemon remember?

He was never officially titled Numpty 2007, but that's all about to change - it's this twat, the Maltese Web Gimp "who doesn't believe in SEO" ?

Intel shows that he is up to his old tricks again, deleting and changing sites he has had strict instructions from the owners to leave alone for more than a year now.

If this was in the interests of the owner, this would be one thing, however it is not, it is being done specifically to bait HQ, who you can be assured are now well and truly baited and were sounding a bit like a bad Tourettes attack on the radio this morning.. :)

So we have orders to let the target have a full volley of the spec ops treatment, and this time we're going to out him by name and put his trophy post right underneath his company name in the charts, and we are going to explain in full, why companies who are interested in their website doing any business on their behalf, should avoid gimp web design at all costs.

There's a command briefing this afternoon to decide appropriate action (and phrases) we are pushing for either "Maltese Numpty" or "Maltese Web Gimp" so expect to be mobilizing and moving out this evening, Gimp himself will be very embarrassed upon Googling his company name from tomorrow onwards.

watch this space

edit 10-07-09. it would appear that Intel was partial and incomplete in this case and that for reasons of diplomatic nature this Op is suspended until further notice..

So stand down, get back to your ladies.

Ibiza Girls Images Uncovered

Ok, it's not all trolling comedians and numpties around here you know, we undertake serious ops too, none more so than policing and defence of our Ibiza Girls image searches.

So this is an Ibiza girls special op uncovered, as opposed to the kind you were probably looking for .. we can do that kind of trickery here.. ;)

Keyword-wise, the SEO soldiers will immediate recognise the tactics on this post, but for the SEO civilians amongst you passing through we'll spell (some of ;) it out simple like..

Phase 1. - Manuevre our fave Ibiza girls pic belonging to Ibiza Voice into images #1 or thereabouts and then hand back SERP ownership. See Google search here Ibiza Girls

Phase 2 - Dig in and reinforce the position by further associating the picture with other terms, party girls, space girls, girls on girls, and ultimately now HQ are getting hits from just "girls" here now.

Phase 3 - Having rooted out the usurpers in the SERP hand back ownership of target image to Voice with hugely increased image ranking and hence traffic. (underway)

It has been observed however that this SERP is swarming with universal search operators, with only 3 out of 10 organic search listings making it through alive as shown on the satellite report below, so stealth has been paramount.

Can you spot the embedded SEO spec ops image sniper deeply entrenched in the SERP below?




..No? haha, give you a clue..



In your sitting room having dinner with your ladies .. ;)

This is a complex ongoing operation, and on the whole has been conducted with pinpoint laser strike accuracy to ensure minimum SEO civilian casualties as far as possible, however in an SEO war, it is inevitable there will be casualties, and for this we apologise.

Our hearts go out to those who have lost dear ones (images or sites) in these skirmishes, but it's for the good of the Ibiza girls organic & image SERPs, which you had better believe, we will defend vigorously.

As you were.

D1G1TAL Numpty update

Ok listen up.

D1g1tal numpty has now been handed over to us.

As he clearly now thinks he's home free he is cracking on with his numpty-world domination plan involving "pooling together no-brainers" and getting the shareholders to moonlight as software testers from what we could gather.

Well that's all well and good but recce team think it's just a little bit cheeky, plus a bit retarded, to be putting "SEO" in his meta kw tags :) ..what a numpty.

he's also committed SEO Hall of Cardinal Shame Offence #7

<meta name="robots" content="index, follow">

..what a numpty.

It might be a laugh to now canvass all his latest brand new site'owners explaining the inherent technology and search engine visability challenges they face from their hi-tech, expensive, flash SEO-useless sites. :)

SEO Clowns & Comedians

"Come in Hooston, we have a problem.."

So HQ's "Guaranteed Houston SEO spammer" or "Cease & Desist"Clown as he's affectionately known as here seemingly took the best advice offered to him, and promptly deleted his offending website rather than engage with us (..we get that a lot, in case you're wondering ;)

It's a shame really because covert ops dug up some wonderful background articles, on amongst other stuff the power of blog comment spamming (& if only he'd done it himself instead of outsourcing we'd probably have never have fallen out) and one beauty in particular from one of his two other newer and less silly sites, we'll quote a little now with name removed.. [us in red]

..Yes look sunshine, not sure how to break this to you, "hanging with your homies" eating pizza and playing playstation doesn't make you an SEO. ..Anyway, he's been downgraded to "no discernable threat of any sort" now so we have to leave him alone.

And June's SEO Comedy Award goes to superior seo spam man after a stunning display of...

" look-at-me-I-rank-for-a-ridiculous-term-I-can-do-the-same-for-you.."

and this has to be the funniest Twitter marketing campaign ever

<> Edited by High Command

this guy turned out to be OK via email comms if a bit new to the game. He's just making as much noise as possible with his new company, sensitive info removed.. As you were...
< /s n i p >

BWAHAHahahahahahahahahahaha.. ...seo comedy genius in the making :)

spec ops out.

Ibiza Health Alert?

Google Alerts for Ibiza does spam us with all kinds of nonsense over the summer season but just occasionally a funny one makes it all worthwhile..

Here is one such joke post that cracked a few smiles this morning, courtesy of thedailymash.co.uk

MEGA-CLAP TERRORISES IBIZA

A MUTANT strain of gonorrhoea has laid waste to large sections of Ibiza and is threatening to invade the UK this summer, experts have warned.

Dancing in their own filth

The new breed of clap, which has proven resistant to conventional antibiotics, has already razed several nightclubs to the ground and is currently encamped in San Antonio.

The giant gonorrhoea, named 'Crotchzilla' by locals, first appeared after strange glowing lights were seen in the sky over Ibiza Town last month.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "Radioactive germs must have attached themselves to the gen1tals of a local lothario, or skank.

"It will then have mutated to monstrous proportions in the dank, soggy heat of an Ibiza foam party."

Amateur footage, filmed by a local bar owner, shows Crotchzilla swatting police helicopters out of the sky and crushing British-themed bars underfoot.

One eye-witness said: "It was a bit like Cloverfield but with more suppurating gen*tal sores."

The Foreign Office said it was now inevitable the monster would reach the UK hidden inside a set of holidaymaker's ar$etraps.

A spokesman said: "We are at the mercy of Crotchzilla. All it will take is the combination of a warm, humid summer and our in-built need to f**k anything that moves after two bottles of pear cider."

Texas SEO Rednecks

Ok stand to.

SEO Spec Ops are @ Bikini Amber as of 09.00 hours this morning after some "Hooston SEO" type clown opened comms with HQ today with an emailed "Cease & Desist", after initially spamming their blog, then not liking the comment replies.. ?? !! :)

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!

..Said clown was duly given his marching orders in blunt language by return, and we've had the situation under surveillance ever since.

It would appear at this point that the Texan SEO rednecks have tonight deleted their site, and are retreating (run away, run away! :) unless it's just a server error or something.

It was a pretty naff site anyway, giving "SEO Guarantees" and the individual in question does have two more slightly better looking ones to play with, so it's no great loss to the internet.

We've been digging deep and are kinda hoping he tries further intimidation tactics because this redneck SEO is going to have an awfully red neck (and face) by the time he's finished trying to dig himself out of this hole.. :)

watch this space..

Funniest Link Exchange Request 2009

Maybe only funny to Brits (expats obviously) with our inate toilet humour, but this one cracked a few battle faces into smirking on parade when it arrived this week, HQ got a spam email link request from a US SEO firm called "NoB SEO" :) ..we kid you not..

and replied with the volley below:

Nob SEO? are you serious? you do realise that nob is the English slang for weiner? :)

I dont think we can link to a company called nobSEO but you could try our young mate over at www.optimize-my-ass.com

maybe you could optimize his ass with your nobSEO? :) ..good luck with that

Well they might not want to link to them because of their silly name but we have no such qualms, so have a one way link with no recips required on us, and hearty congratulations, that name is so inspired, it's almost linkbait..

Then it's back to the latest Intel (analytics) funnies, this week we have:

• "prove you have a clue"

• "you have a clue and"

• shut up numpties

• ibiza fighting girls

• ladies puppies

• maltese girls doing it

• NTL letter cat

• Maltese "not allowed in Ibiza" :)
  

• Ibiza + girls how do I get me one?

• is it easy to pick up grils in Ibiza
  

• how do i know what spec my new ibiza is

The last of these is a question a lot of Ibiza residents have been wondering for a little while now.

Whilst the penultimate reminds us of the time last year that Brothel (Gringos) on the Ibiza -Santa Eulalia road painted "Grils" instead of girls in 4 foot letters on their newly decorated outside wall :)

Funniest Forum Post of the Week

Digitalpoint is responsible for some classic posts it must be said.

hi i have a seo site

---

hi i have an seo site and it,s ranking is down despite of having 47 links on google and it doesnot even apears on the domain keyword what do you think might be wrong and it,s domain age is 1 month and link age is also 1 month.

Yes..... :)

Does anybody else see anything slightly ironic about this or are we just getting old and cynical?

SEO Mastery & the Funniest Nav Link Titles Ever..

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