The Ancient Ibicenco Fighting Art of Search Engine Optimisation

Friday, August 29, 2008

More SEO Humour

More seo humor, just a quickie for the weekend.. again, it's been around a while but we only saw it a few days ago. Uber SEO :)

...favourite quotes:

Our Philosophy: If we are not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the problem.

The funniest thing about this site is that it's not so-o far from the truth in a lot of cases we suspect.. There are certain forums where the average age of the "SEO consultants" is 19... n n n nineteen!

"The therapist recommended for him (Uber CEO Matt) to find a job where he had very little social interaction and any dumb ass monkey could do... she recommended Search Engine Optimization. So Mathew called up his buddy Charles and that was the day Uber SEO Company was formed.

To learn the process of search engine optimization Mathew and Charles read halfway through an eBook and have posted on a SEO forum a total of 37,548 times. By posting so much on that SEO forum this has made them experts in their field"

hahahahaha :) ..proper bunch of rankers.

Speaking of which Living TV's highly original production Ibiza 2008 went from strength to strength this week, with Ibiza's undisputed Number One Ranker "Sam" alleging he gets laid twice a week "cos he's on the tele" !! bwahahahahahaha !!! pull the other one. as if.

Speaking we believe on behalf of the vast majority of the real Ibiza residents..

We cannot wait until this summer is over and Living TV along with all these twats you've painted as "The Real Ibiza" ... F**K OFF HOME AGAIN! *%*$* 's !!

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dannii Minogue "Ibiza my Spiritual Home"

We like Dannii Minogue, even if she does have somewhat dubious taste in men. She stated this week that "Ibiza is her spiritual home"

Good girl, its ours too, as well as of course our real home. Danni is apparently also planning to party hard when she comes here later this month.

"I am off to Ibiza, my spiritual home, next week for some much needed TLC with my girlfriends. It will be my last holiday until December when ''X Factor'' finishes, so I am going to make the most of it. I love to party and I will also be hitting the beach," she said.
We have a request please Danni? ..can you hurry up and buy that house here, you and your sister, (whatever her name was) forget now, really are most welcome. :)

It would help take our minds off credit crunch and impending recession no end, and if you feel like that about Ibiza now, just wait till you've lived here for a while.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Ibiza Uncovered - some more

After our previous declaration of Google war on Living TV Ibiza, a couple of weeks ago now and their 2008 version of Ibiza uncovered, several other mighty and just, Ibiza-loving people and organisations have jumped into the fray.

Our very own Irresponsibility tongue lasher extrordinaire herself (you dont want to get on the wrong end of a written volley from this one I promise) has fought back with a great guest post over on the Smith Travel Blog on her favourite non-clubbing activities in Ibiza, (The Real) Ibiza Uncovered 2008.

Living TV and Original Productions (hahahaha that name still cracks us up!) take heed, this is what you should have been filming. Only unfortunately now, you're probably barred ;)

& I think we can safely assume you're definitely barred from Pikes according to a mate of ours and Octavia's facebook Group. sounds like Octavia has got the right hump about it all, and any friend of Nicky Clarkes can have a right row, so we've heard.

Living TVs Ibiza.. the real Ibiza uncovered, it is most definitely not.

To all at Living from Ibiza's rebel Alliance..

...what the all4humor monkey said.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Blue Index - White Island Style

Whilst doing a little reconnaissance (competitive research) into the (slightly dull) world of data management and storage on behalf of Blue Index the other night we happened to observe a different type of Blue Index that interested and amused us a quite a bit more..

The JWBI or Johnnie Walker Blue Index :)

If you cant be bothered to click the link it's basically a comparison between the expense levels of various establishments, calculated by how much markup % they apply to a beverage of known cost ( editorial note ..and quality ;) ) .. Johnie Walker's excellent Blue label whiskey.

They know what the places pay, calculate the markup the various establishments apply and produce a ranking figure.

This got us to thinking, we really ought to do something like this here, we could call it the White Index after our white island, and apply it to the various clubs who are all well known for extorting huge sums for drinks from their captive tourists.

Unfortunately it's unlikely that all the various clubs would actually stock JW Blue Label so we will probably have to pick something else more commonly found in clubland for our version of the Blue Index, maybe Hierbas, or in a more Ibiza Club style, Smirnoff Blue & Red Bull or something..

We have our suspicions Amnesia or Pacha will probably wi the competition with ease but should probably actually conduct some real research on the subject before bismirching their names too badly..

watch this space.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Small Business SEO & SEO Design

Big day today, and obviously don't know how long it will last what with the usual Google flux and weekend index in action, but reports are coming in from HQ that after sustained heavy fighting and a hard fought siege for several months, 1st page has finally been breached in the early hours of 13 Aug 2008 for both Small business SEO & SEO design, simultaneously...

Both this morning (01.10am CET) showing at #10 on

seo design ^ small business seo

We expect constant counter attacks and the occasional relapse because pressure is intense at this level, but as of today the site is now 5 days away from it's 9 month old birthday, and with the big prizes of SEO & SEO Services also stabilising in the top 100 it's still all to play for, for the grand targets announced in the HQ post here SEO Demo - the full story.

Our keyword sniper team have therefore been called off their current R&R duties frustratingly meaning that Living TV's Ibiza Uncovered 2008 nonsense gets a short respite before the abuse recommences..

Happily some of the local residents have now found it and started leaving comments that would seem they agree with us, so hopefully local partisan fighters can run with that for a bit leaving the crack troops to go after the big prize for a little while. We will of course keep you abreast of all events via our embedded reporters at the front line as usual.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Living TV Ibiza - Ibiza Uncovered 2008

Living TV's new series "Ibiza" has come at the worst possible time for the Island's economy.

Sold to many wary (and rightly as it turned out) Island dwellers as:

...charting the delights and downfalls of life on the ultimate hedonism hotspot that is once again the destination regaled by party-seekers and media alike as the place to be. Young or old, famous or just frivolous, the beautiful Balearic isle has regained its crown as the destination of choice for thrill seekers seeking chic island adventures.

...intriguing characters and lush locations that will inspire and entertain, leaving viewers eager to join the party and share the whole Ibiza experience in all its vibrant glory. Over a run of nine one-hour episodes, viewers will be introduced to the many faces of Ibiza, from one end of the island’s vivid spectrum to the other.

The series will explore the club culture that has given the island its well-deserved reputation as party capital of the world; where hardcore clubbers can be seen rubbing shoulders with Ibiza regulars Jade Jagger, Sadie Frost, Sienna Miller, James Blunt, and Peaches Geldof.

Living TV have instead shamelessly gone back on their promises and ignored anyone with half a clue, and focused exclusively on freaks and oddballs for ratings.

The few sensible normal people they have filmed have been edited out, or have had small details of their lives blown up out of all proportions and turned into the main story in a sickening sensationalist editing spree.

In effect they have produced Ibiza Uncovered 2008 just when the Island needs it least.

Talking this week about the Island's impending economic crisis, the vice-president of CAEB, Joan Bufi, the largest and most important association of businesses on the island, confirmed on Wednesday... significant parts bolded.
"economic growth during the next year would be minimal. The news, whilst coming as no surprise, seems to be the final confirmation that the island is in the depths of a crisis. The director for the economy department at CAEB, Vicenc Tur, said much now depended on the tourist season.

If that continued to increase, however marginally, there would still be a possibility of maintaining growth. If, on the other hand, the tourist season was a poor one, which he explained was a distinct possibility (**No Shit Sherlock?!) the chances of negative growth were very real.

He claimed there were a number of causes of the economic decline including high petrol prices. However, he said the main reason for economic stagnation was the difficulty in gaining credit.

The big freeze by all of the island's financial institutions had ensured it was impossible to increase economic activity or open a new business, which had led to the economy becoming stale.

The vice-president of CAEB, Joan Bufi, repeated that the economic situation over the next year lay firmly in the hands of the tourist industry.

However, he said the signs so far were that this season was proving a disappointment.

He pointed out that the main difference between Ibiza and all of the other Balearic destinations was the reliability of the island on the British market.

With an economic crisis in full swing in the UK, as well as a weak pound which had lowered in value by around 20 per cent over the last twelve months, he predicted the island would continue to suffer.

From the Ibiza Sun

......In the meantime Living TV's Ibiza has glibly gone ahead with it's stereotypical lame misrepresentation of the Island and it's residents and dealt a potentially savage blow to the Island's tourism, which when combined with the short sighted attack on the clubbing economy this year by the Government, which has slaughtered the Islands clubs, and globally, the clubbers desire to come here any more, the global economic recession and the Euro's strength against the GBP Pound, plus the attack on the Island's black villas economy, could well prove to be the final straw.

We the Ibicenco SEO Warriors call on the people of Ibiza to reject Living TV from your clubs bars and homes. Throw them out, shun them in the street and drive them from our lands.

We urge you to cease all co operation, communication with this lot, dont even allow them access to food and water. Send them home immediately.

These people are not your friends.

Go here for a better idea of what Ibiza living is actually like.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Living TV Ibiza - Utter Utter Shit!

Declaration of War!!

The Ibicenco SEO Warriors hereby declare SERP War on Living TV's "Ibiza" series. This program is the biggest pile of steaming poo to grace TV screens since the travesty that was "Ibiza Uncovered".

The production crew stated they wanted to show the other side of the Island, the classy side of things, the glamorous people who live here year round, the uber cool, trendy and the stylish and rich, the Ibiza we all love. ..And then what do the lying two-faced shameless ratings whores do?

Focus on every freak wierdo, waster and loser they can find, head straight for San An where few real residents even go during the summer unless absolutely necessary, stage manage, set up and edit even the few sensible people they film, edit out anything that makes the place look half normal and focus exclusively on the freaks, summer workers and wasters.

Living TV you have insulted our friends, our home and the Island we love. You have lied to everybody about your true intentions and have just gone ahead and made Ibiza Uncovered 2, right when the Island needs it least. We were absolutely correct that the best part of this program was the Ibiza viral trailer from a few posts ago.

Economically, Ibiza Uncovered 2008 this insult could not have come at a worse time

For this outrage the Ibicenco SEO Warriors hereby declare SEO Jihad on you and yours. We will hunt you in the charts and spit on your steaming pile of shite from on high.

We know youve been filming some cool people too, where are they?

Either turn this garbage round immediately, or prepare to be savagely Googletrolled and taught the power of SEO by those who know.

UPDATE 09-08-08 Hahahahaha!!!!

... feel the power of SEO Ibiza's Spec Ops team's - keyword snipers hitting their mark right between the eyes ;)

This is what actually Living in Ibiza is like


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