The Ancient Ibicenco Fighting Art of Search Engine Optimisation

Thursday, November 18, 2010

SEO Services Ibiza

Ok listen up

Operatives should note we have orders effective immediately to bump the search
"SEO Services Ibiza" thus:

A new forward base has also been established here: SEO Ibiza and may be used for expert SEO incursions at will. ..Those of you engaged in the JP Morgan op can leave that for the moment, apparently this takes priority "as a matter of principle, we're not having any cheek from those sweaties" ..even though HQ only recently noticed we've been stamping all over their SERPs for a little while now.

Still, if we make an exception for this one, they'll all be trying to move here and that is totally unacceptable.

Update 23-Nov 2010: perimeter position secured, digging in now.

SEO services Ibiza out.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

JP Morgan called...

..Looking for some "Reputation Management" on this Max Kaiser guy who started this whole "Crash JP Morgan Buy Silver" thing by ranking him #1 for "Financial Terrorism"

..and they also wanted to know if we could arrange it so that when people typed in "Crash JP Morgan Buy Silver" it would bring up a whole SERP of their own articles (cunningly rewritten) thus:
"Buy JP Morgan - Crash Silver" instead ?
- Obviously they weren't aware we already had operatives in the area so we told them we'd
"see what we can do" :)

Secondly we had a coded message in from Morpheus saying he's run out of red pills again and he's absolutely mobbed with people needing to take them over there so if someone could sort that out ASAP.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Winter Ops Schedule

Ok lads listen up.

Summer break's over now, things are hotting up in several arenas currently, firstly it looks like we made the right choice staying out of SEO Iran as it looks like they won't be going down without a fight. - You must have heard the news about **someone** cough, cough launching a missile 35 miles from the US coast by now?

Well we've had technical do some image enhancements and spotted something we don't think they're going to like when they finally work it out, so we'll be keeping this one to ourselves for the moment, but just be aware.

Closer to home however the observant may have noticed another comedy "SEO Ibiza" assault by none other than summer's SEO Scotland suspect. Once again he seeks to employ the power of Hubs and syndicated blog posts to attempt to snipe leads from HQ's brand search.

This cheekiness cannot go without appropriate response but HQ said to stand down because maybe he might get rid of one or two of those irritating Chinese scrapers down there anyway. Amusingly Intel reports that he is as yet unaware of his soon-to-be #1 ranking over on Google images :)

Nor any of his more memorable tributes :)

However, all amusement aside, under duress HQ finally agreed to a little "expert SEO" counter-attack, volunteers stay behind afterwards please, the rest of you, as you were.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Ibiza SEO Sitrep

Ok lads quick update on the Ibiza SEO mission.

Those of you who were awake at the last briefing will remember that the only person who's ever come to the site using the words that way round was our "Ibiza SEO wannabe? (see post below if you're worried about booby-trapped links)

Well oddly enough :) the very next day after we pointed this out *someone else* hit the site "from the UK" using that very term.. just how unlikely is that, 3 years nothing, then 2 in 2 days? ..someone else using IE8 at 1920 x 1200 resolution? :)

Er.. yea, alright Numpty, because no-one knows what a VPN is round here do they? - or even which one you're using (Hidemyass? :) Whilst nosing around Spec Ops he noticed the satellite imagery of his previous surveillance (2mins 2 secs here below)

He even had a read of "The Art of SERP War" while he was there, but he obviously didn't learn much, or understand that it's not just an IP address that can gives your footprint away, because a quick switch to Amsterdam on the VPN..

and continued nosing around blissfully unaware he'd been pinged and was being observed through the cross-hairs the whole way..

Now any proper SEO troops know it's better to have your opposition underestimate you than the other way around, if only to see the looks on their faces when you boot their kitchen doors in and escort their ladies off for "de-briefing" (SEO Services Ibiza -if you get my drift ;)

However in this instance this operative is showing such low levels of awareness there is a strong possibility any actual SERP contact is likely to resemble 42 Commando RM vs Argie Conscripts 1982..

The combination of superior seo training, extensive serp combat experience, advanced weaponry (including surveillance equipment) is likely to make victory quickly decisive.

It's not bragging, but it's just not reasonable to expect a "bedroom seo" who by one means or another "inherited" control of a site that wasnt built by and didn't belong to him, and has never strayed out of the safety of little "Ibiza" searches, to have any hope against hardened shock troops with global combat experience in some of the toughest SERPs on earth.

However Lads, the Rules of Engagement are to be strictly followed, business is business and we must act in accordance of the rules, however if he makes it personal.. :)

Well thats a whole other can of worms isn't it? :)

SEO Ibiza - as you were..

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Ibiza SEO

Right listen up.

You'll be glad to know the SEO Scotland situation has resolved itself with minimal haggis spilt, but we have orders to mobilise immediately to deal with some homegrown insurgency.

Intel have been observing some "interesting" action around Ibiza SEO see below..

Ibiza SEO

This is clearly not a very advanced adversary as he seems to think IE is an appropriate browser for the job :) ..alright, stop your sniggering..

Ha ha, yes yes, he probably does code in asp and host on Windows too, but he seems to be trying to pick up intel of his own, it looks like he's trying to work out how to build a half decent WP SEO blog (WMDs) for a disgruntled customer or something so we have to engage.

The fact he always lands on the site following "Ibiza SEO" leads us to believe he is targeting it, which is funny as in all the years HQ have been #1 for "SEO Ibiza" & "Ibiza SEO", he's the only one who's ever searched it that way round..

He's probably got it that way round in his site's competing page title too, profiling suggests this character is likely to try mis-spellings of things and shortcuts to give himself more of a chance..

Anyway I won't bore you with any more details, you know what to do.

SEO Services Ibiza Over & Out.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Funny Business SEO & Scotland ?

Ok lads listen up.

We knew it was going to happen at some point, that we might be asked to turn the firepower inwards on our own people, and well it's not quite our own but Scotland, they do at least they speak something similar to English so it might be a little uncomfortable for some of you, but you know what you have to do.

Apparently someone, lets call him "SEO Scotland" has been a bit lippy to HQ on some forum at the weekend because they had their boots in his cornflakes again (note to selves - work on social skills more) and he has decided he's going to come and outrank them for "Business SEO" using his HubPower and copywriting skills alone :)
Yes yes, come on it's not that funny..
Have you quite finished? Ok so it's vaguely possible he might be seen bumping around briefly on page 2 or 3 in a few weeks, orders are to terminate on sight.

Recon (allintitle:) shows that he did manage a #2 for a 5k allintitle kw..

Lads! Will you stop laughing this is serious!! :) ..ok, look I know, I know, but lets get the briefing done and we can get back to real work ok?
Scottish Business SEO
"Business SEO" is about 86k allintitle: so we think that clearly chappie is going to have to up his copywriting rate, but he seems serious and so must be dealt with as a threat accordingly.

This is the best picture we have of him but obviously his appearance may have changed since then. There are rumours of him wearing those big fluffy pikey jumpers they have up there, and obviously he'll probably have beer stains on it when you see him.

Ok you know the score, get on the case.

Wait up lads
! - before you go news just coming in, recce team got it wrong you slackers, the original target was a decoy, repeat decoy.

This guy was smart enough to trick you lot and so has likely has SEO WMDs and so must be dealt with accordingly.

Ok get to it, over and out.

edit, since this post has been getting Scottish traffic if you're looking for a proper SEO in Scotland <<--follow this link

Monday, March 29, 2010

Superior SEO - 2010

Right listen up.

While we've been away conquering foreign SERPs, as usual in such circumstances, whilst the Troops have been away risking their Google profiles for your safety, the "non-combatants" who've stayed (at home) have gotten brave enough to have been out "peace protesting" = attempting to crack onto our ladies, and organizing themselves into pockets of "resistance"

This is to be quelled ASAP, we now have orders to put down any / all homeland dissent with authorization to use as much SEO Power as required, up to and including lethal force i.e. tactical linkpower strikes & CQSEO SERP War Tactics as required.

Obviously being Spec Ops (SEO Recon) we've been scoping out the "uprisings" and while they are weak, sporadic and scattered, still, total SEO superiority must be re-imposed forthwith.

The attached briefing shows that although the enemy is completely clueless, regarding their actual penetration, moral seems to high for some reason, maybe due to some vague probing of defenses and moderate success on one flank (3 phrases if searches are conducted from the US - needs a gl=us in the SERP string) - Globally however, ie searched from anywhere else but the US, - ie UK, Europe, Canada, Australia, South America, etc HQ's Superior SEO empire is still strong.

Apart from the Clown prince however there are also multiple other targets seemingly planning insurgency and attacks, notably these individuals. - (butch returns) website here

"Jake" - unknown status, although known to us (ex operative) suspect double agent, openly linking to one of our positions but simultaneously building & acquiring sniper technology on hosted subdomains - watch closely.
NOTE: individuals on this list get one warning (link) each, this is your first and final warning, after this anyone still in the SERP after 15.00 hours today is responsible for their own fates, you have been warned.

Update 07-April 2010

Lol, that didn't take long, and considering the link strikes that have been called in (and yet to arrive) are the rough equivalent of Gandalph & crew riding in from the East at Dawn, it's highly doubtful ass clown will ever see his beloved "Trophy terms" at #1 again..

Website rewrite required numpty, and while you're at it, take any mention of our company off your lame-ass site, or we really will drop any semblance of civility and embarrass you beyond your wildest dreams on the world SEO stage, for you truly are SEOBullshit at it's finest, and if anybody deserves a write up on there you do.


Spec Ops out

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Dodgy Rankings Companies

Right listen up. ..What is it with "SEO companies" with "Rankings" in their names?

Obviously we use both SEO and "company" in the loosest possible sense of the words..

2009 was the year of TN's "Funny Page Rankings" who has still got another company's name plastered all over the front page of business site ..seriously.. :)

..and now this year HQ have taken offense at ABC Rankings stealing content from the main site with scrapers, spinning it, and building .info spam networks with our name plastered all over them too.

So Spec Ops first job as privateers looks like we're off to Thailand..

watch this space...

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Spec Ops Blog :)

Well it's only to be expected really, isn't it?

ok as you were..


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

SEO Iran?

Unbelievable. No sooner do we secure SEO Yemen..

..than the yanks start their bloody war talk on Iran instead.

These people need to make their minds up, it's no wonder they can't catch SEO bin Laden and his cousin Osama bin Spammin' their attention spans definitely need work.

Anyway, SEO Iran is a whole different ballgame than our Yemeni-trained pants bomber

The special forces (the Analytic Guard) are well trained, well supplied, and heavily dug in. In fact their SERP defence is not unlike like HQ's SEO Ibiza dominance

And, er, we haven't had time to "pickupadalingo" so if it's all the same with you we might sit this one out.. ?

Now c'mon don't be like that, we've been supporting your "SEO wars on this, and wars on that" for as long as we can remember now, we were there for you in Badhdad (Iraq) and who can ever forget the fun in Afhganistan ?

But seriously, we think our state-of-the art wordpress sniper skills can be much better employed than running around sorting your nonsense out anymore..

Let's just say the SEO Spec Ops are going into "private security" from now on.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Spec Ops 2010 - SEO Yemen & beyond..

Ok listen up.

Holiday's over, time to focus on 2010's spec ops, and there's plenty going on..

First up some clown apparently flew into Detroit hoping to explode his pants, (and the plane he was in) having been supposedly been trained by the criminal masterminds who currently have 100,000 US troops tied up in an un-winnable fight that will ultimately bankrupt the entire US State..

Hmm, exploding pants.. ..sounds more like the work of the CIA to us to be honest..

You have to give it to this lot, they are doing a supreme job of trolling the US into what will go down in the annals of history, as the biggest ($3 trillion) over-reaction of all-time, to anything, like ever..

...If Bin laden wanted a reaction and to just waste the US' time and divert their attention while their whole world comes crashing down around them, then he's done a superb job of it.

...still, orders are orders and we have been assigned to secure the SEO Yemen SERP as usual, and wait for America's next "War against 100 people in the desert" to begin..

The local Yemeni SEO troops look the usual rag-tag lot, and will need our ongoing support and training as usual.

At least the Yemini insurgents are still very much in the basic "blowing up their own pants" stage and haven't as yet graduated to the highly sophisticated animal weaponry we've seen employed in the Baghdad & SEO Afghanistan campaigns..

Otherwise, any volunteers for Troll-rat duty report to me at the end, the rest of you go do your stuff..


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