2012 Ops

Right listen up.

yes, it has been a long time, and yes I know most of you are chilling in Morocco for the winter, but no that doesn't mean you'll be continuing your gambling, surfing and bloody yoga holidays indefinitely.

Comms from HQ that we're to stand by for yet another potential No BS SEO op..

Amusingly word on the street is, this link (above here) or any links at all in fact, will make no difference to their recipient/s whatsoever.. Now yes everybody knows the nature of what makes a good link has changed and evolved, but "links don't help rankings" might be taking it a bit far.

We shall see..

Summer Sitrep

Right stop what you're doing and listen up lads.

Ok firstly some of you heard the rumours, but now its confirmed, the SEO Scotland op is officially off due to a lack of interest all round at the top. Yes I know some of you were already picturing the lassies, but it's not happening so get over it.

Secondly web mania are still utter pants but are under heavy siege both in the SERP and from irate customers in the comments, so that's covered now for the forseeable.



Finally, and the main reason for this briefing, HQ had another slight altercation earlier in the week with a "forum expert" with another (as in possibly Texan) target along the lines of "Hooston SEO Clown" remember him? :)

However reports are yet not conclusive as Geordie was muttering the words Odessa Florida and Tampa as he passed out in the bar and couldn't remember a thing when he came round.

So "Operation Alicia SEO" is a standard code 4, and all the usual protocols apply, so we'll have no more of that "improvisation" from the long range team, funny though it definitely was ;)

Ok get to it, over and out.

Spec Ops 2011

Ok lads, R & R is over, back at it.

First up, back in blighty, we have HQ's Web Mania "project", which although gathering pace..


... is yet to make page 1 for their name, so let's get that sorted ASAP.

Secondly, back on the home front, HQ are ramping up the serp defence ops on "SEO Services Ibiza" against Braveheart and fortifying the main brand with a scrolling real-time box:


... and a new universal search (video) presence



See also : SEO services Ibiza and the SEO Ibiza Youtube channel

These new outposts are to be positioned either directly above or immediately below the real-time pop-out forthwith.

However before you some of you go getting too excited about those Scottish lassies, you should bear in mind that the entire SEO Scotland counter-attack is looking very likely to be canceled due to a distinct lack of long-range recce volunteers or interest.

Ok, as you were, Ibiza out.

Sitrep 26-01-2011 UK Perimeter secured, coming on nicely lads..

Winter Ops Schedule

Ok lads listen up.

Summer break's over now, things are hotting up in several arenas currently, firstly it looks like we made the right choice staying out of SEO Iran as it looks like they won't be going down without a fight. - You must have heard the news about **someone** cough, cough launching a missile 35 miles from the US coast by now?

Well we've had technical do some image enhancements and spotted something we don't think they're going to like when they finally work it out, so we'll be keeping this one to ourselves for the moment, but just be aware.

Closer to home however the observant may have noticed another comedy "SEO Ibiza" assault by none other than summer's SEO Scotland suspect. Once again he seeks to employ the power of Hubs and syndicated blog posts to attempt to snipe leads from HQ's brand search.

This cheekiness cannot go without appropriate response but HQ said to stand down because maybe he might get rid of one or two of those irritating Chinese scrapers down there anyway. Amusingly Intel reports that he is as yet unaware of his soon-to-be #1 ranking over on Google images :)



Nor any of his more memorable tributes :)



However, all amusement aside, under duress HQ finally agreed to a little "expert SEO" counter-attack, volunteers stay behind afterwards please, the rest of you, as you were.

Ibiza SEO Sitrep

Ok lads quick update on the Ibiza SEO mission.

Those of you who were awake at the last briefing will remember that the only person who's ever come to the site using the words that way round was our "Ibiza SEO wannabe? (see post below if you're worried about booby-trapped links)

Well oddly enough :) the very next day after we pointed this out *someone else* hit the site "from the UK" using that very term.. just how unlikely is that, 3 years nothing, then 2 in 2 days? ..someone else using IE8 at 1920 x 1200 resolution? :)



Er.. yea, alright Numpty, because no-one knows what a VPN is round here do they? - or even which one you're using (Hidemyass? :) Whilst nosing around Spec Ops he noticed the satellite imagery of his previous surveillance (2mins 2 secs here below)



He even had a read of "The Art of SERP War" while he was there, but he obviously didn't learn much, or understand that it's not just an IP address that can gives your footprint away, because a quick switch to Amsterdam on the VPN..



and continued nosing around blissfully unaware he'd been pinged and was being observed through the cross-hairs the whole way..



Now any proper SEO troops know it's better to have your opposition underestimate you than the other way around, if only to see the looks on their faces when you boot their kitchen doors in and escort their ladies off for "de-briefing" (SEO Services Ibiza -if you get my drift ;)

However in this instance this operative is showing such low levels of awareness there is a strong possibility any actual SERP contact is likely to resemble 42 Commando RM vs Argie Conscripts 1982..

The combination of superior seo training, extensive serp combat experience, advanced weaponry (including surveillance equipment) is likely to make victory quickly decisive.

It's not bragging, but it's just not reasonable to expect a "bedroom seo" who by one means or another "inherited" control of a site that wasnt built by and didn't belong to him, and has never strayed out of the safety of little "Ibiza" searches, to have any hope against hardened shock troops with global combat experience in some of the toughest SERPs on earth.

However Lads, the Rules of Engagement are to be strictly followed, business is business and we must act in accordance of the rules, however if he makes it personal.. :)



Well thats a whole other can of worms isn't it? :)

SEO Ibiza - as you were..

Ibiza SEO

Right listen up.

You'll be glad to know the SEO Scotland situation has resolved itself with minimal haggis spilt, but we have orders to mobilise immediately to deal with some homegrown insurgency.

Intel have been observing some "interesting" action around Ibiza SEO see below..

This is clearly not a very advanced adversary as he seems to think IE is an appropriate browser for the job :) ..alright, stop your sniggering..

Ha ha, yes yes, he probably does code in asp and host on Windows too, but he seems to be trying to pick up intel of his own, it looks like he's trying to work out how to build a half decent WP SEO blog (WMDs) for a disgruntled customer or something so we have to engage.

The fact he always lands on the site following "Ibiza SEO" leads us to believe he is targeting it, which is funny as in all the years HQ have been #1 for "SEO Ibiza" & "Ibiza SEO", he's the only one who's ever searched it that way round..

He's probably got it that way round in his site's competing page title too, profiling suggests this character is likely to try mis-spellings of things and shortcuts to give himself more of a chance..

Anyway I won't bore you with any more details, you know what to do.

SEO Services Ibiza Over & Out.

Funny Business SEO & Scotland ?

Ok lads listen up.

We knew it was going to happen at some point, that we might be asked to turn the firepower inwards on our own people, and well it's not quite our own but Scotland, they do at least they speak something similar to English so it might be a little uncomfortable for some of you, but you know what you have to do.

Apparently someone, lets call him "SEO Scotland" has been a bit lippy to HQ on some forum at the weekend because they had their boots in his cornflakes again (note to selves - work on social skills more) and he has decided he's going to come and outrank them for "Business SEO" using his HubPower and copywriting skills alone :)

Yes yes, come on it's not that funny..

Have you quite finished? Ok so it's vaguely possible he might be seen bumping around briefly on page 2 or 3 in a few weeks, orders are to terminate on sight.

Recon (allintitle:) shows that he did manage a #2 for a 5k allintitle kw..

Lads! Will you stop laughing this is serious!! :) ..ok, look I know, I know, but lets get the briefing done and we can get back to real work ok?

"Business SEO" is about 86k allintitle: so we think that clearly chappie is going to have to up his copywriting rate, but he seems serious and so must be dealt with as a threat accordingly.

This is the best picture we have of him but obviously his appearance may have changed since then. There are rumours of him wearing those big fluffy pikey jumpers they have up there, and obviously he'll probably have beer stains on it when you see him.

Ok you know the score, get on the case.

Wait up lads! - before you go news just coming in, recce team got it wrong you slackers, the original target was a decoy, repeat decoy.

This guy was smart enough to trick you lot and so has likely has SEO WMDs and so must be dealt with accordingly.

Ok get to it, over and out.

edit, since this post has been getting Scottish traffic if you're looking for a proper SEO in Scotland <<--follow this link

SEO Iran?

Unbelievable. No sooner do we secure SEO Yemen..

..than the yanks start their bloody war talk on Iran instead.

These people need to make their minds up, it's no wonder they can't catch SEO bin Laden and his cousin Osama bin Spammin' their attention spans definitely need work.

Anyway, SEO Iran is a whole different ballgame than our Yemeni-trained pants bomber

The iranseo.com special forces (the Analytic Guard) are well trained, well supplied, and heavily dug in. In fact their SERP defence is not unlike like HQ's SEO Ibiza dominance

And, er, we haven't had time to "pickupadalingo" so if it's all the same with you we might sit this one out.. ?

Now c'mon don't be like that, we've been supporting your "SEO wars on this, and wars on that" for as long as we can remember now, we were there for you in Badhdad (Iraq) and who can ever forget the fun in Afhganistan ?

But seriously, we think our state-of-the art wordpress sniper skills can be much better employed than running around sorting your nonsense out anymore..

Let's just say the SEO Spec Ops are going into "private security" from now on.

Spec Ops 2010 - SEO Yemen & beyond..

Ok listen up.

Holiday's over, time to focus on 2010's spec ops, and there's plenty going on..

First up some clown apparently flew into Detroit hoping to explode his pants, (and the plane he was in) having been supposedly been trained by the criminal masterminds who currently have 100,000 US troops tied up in an un-winnable fight that will ultimately bankrupt the entire US State..

Hmm, exploding pants.. ..sounds more like the work of the CIA to us to be honest..

You have to give it to this lot, they are doing a supreme job of trolling the US into what will go down in the annals of history, as the biggest ($3 trillion) over-reaction of all-time, to anything, like ever..



...If Bin laden wanted a reaction and to just waste the US' time and divert their attention while their whole world comes crashing down around them, then he's done a superb job of it.

...still, orders are orders and we have been assigned to secure the SEO Yemen SERP as usual, and wait for America's next "War against 100 people in the desert" to begin..


The local Yemeni SEO troops look the usual rag-tag lot, and will need our ongoing support and training as usual.

At least the Yemini insurgents are still very much in the basic "blowing up their own pants" stage and haven't as yet graduated to the highly sophisticated animal weaponry we've seen employed in the Baghdad & SEO Afghanistan campaigns..

Otherwise, any volunteers for Troll-rat duty report to me at the end, the rest of you go do your stuff..

Internet Marketing Pirates Ibiza

Haha right listen up.

Ok never mind your good old fashioned Somalian Pirates (inset and well worth a look close up - photoshop genius at large :)

A new breed of Piracy just been internationally recognised and outed on the well-known anti-internet Piracy Organisation: .. Twitter

And these particular internet pirates were caught just blatently nicking someone else's design for their new flagship "Creative Internet Design" site, packed the hilt with nothing but design portfolio examples.. ..hmm.. :)

The Twitter trail of piracy is screen-shotted below

Captain Whiteheart & the "technical wizards & creative geniuses" have been doing this kind of thing at least since the beginning of 2008 when they also "borrowed some inspiration" from another site, only they "borrowed" so much they accidentally left the links to the original site in place :) (about 2/3 of the way down the page...)

"They went as far as actually cutting and pasting our code whole, and just swapping our pagelinks for theirs (as demonstrated by their forgetting to remove one of our links and linking back to us by mistake.."

Clearly this is not a very intelligent adversary :)

And this is the same "company" who are also risking one of their client's expensive new sites being banned from Google by hiding links to their own advertising site on it. (second half of previous post - code red nose)

This piracy alert will stay up until these and all other unethical techniques and hidden links are removed from all client sites.

SEO Spec Ops Ethics (Anti Piracy) Department out.

Surreal SEO Combat - Part II

Hahaha ok listen up.

It was obviously too good to be true that the Clown Prince of SEO would actually drop it and stop his nonsense, well he hasn't, he's been re-designing his site to "attack" again.

And there we were, almost resigned to having to remove all mentions of him and find more clowns to play with. We are (ever-so-slightly) encouraged to see that he has been listening and has now at least added some extra pages and terms to his Surrealest of web designs that may actually attract potential customers at some point..

But he has then devoted a whole page of his "business website" to this fantasy "battle" he thinks is constantly going on (which is still actually only Google flux wrt to the main SEO Ibiza site)

Since his last lambasting in the previous surreal seo web design post and the subsequent deletion of silly page, he has now reinstated most of his nonsense again, and is still trying to pretend he doesn't care about these silly terms and is "too busy with big marketing clients" to be bothered with the nonsense he started.

And currently about 95% of the world will see his site at 3rd & 4th anyway when he thinks he's first, even in the US at the moment where Ibiza are at their weakest since geo-targeting the UK in late 2008.



HQ already had one potential client of his contact them a while ago, having found them by trying his silly "marketing" superior seo design search nonsense, and you would think that at some point, he might work out that advertising a far superior seo company other than your own, all over your business website, is not so sharp.

Especially so when you're trying to do it with phrases that given Google's very nature you can never be sure what the client will actually see.

# Credibility Rule One

- keep silly personal stuff off your main business website ;)

Anyway, credibility wont now be an issue because he has his own radio show, super-stardom now beckons.. Enjoy ;) .....

Surreal SEO Web Design

Ok, listen up.

Not 2 weeks since matey boy managed to goad us into a semi-serious response to his Superior SEO nonsense he's only gone and folded under the imminent threat of soon being #5 or #6 for all his silly "trophy terms" as the other sites have started piling the pressure on.

and then immediately afterwards, as though anyone else is actually following his nonsense ramblings and he needs to explain (excuses) to his thousands of followers, he puts this nonsense up on their site, ..he certainly does seem hell bent on embarrassing them all as much as humanly possible :) - So lets go through it bit by bit and try and help them with that :

The trohpy term battle was fought well, but it couldn't last

Trohpy terms while very cool, just simply can't have the same level of work performed as terms that actually drive good quality traffic. The team here at Front Page Rankings fought well, but to be honest, we need to get back to builing sites and have no more time for silliness, so we're officially surrendering the fight and will no longer be marketing directly on Twitter using "trophy" terms.

Which we believe was the entire thrust of our objection to the lame Twitter bragging about nonsense phrases in the first place? :) ..And it would also appear that superior web design doesnt include spellcheck? (errors in red)

Some things are better left to those with time

We could have continued to fight, and probably it would have gone back and forth, one way, then the other, but to tell the truth, our operation is a bit too lean to play around too much on trohpy terms. We're on the verge of signing a big new contract that simply won't leave any room what so ever for nonsensical posts. Trying to keep up with what SEO Ibiza can bring to the table when it comes to time and energy for silly trophy terms, which they obviously love to keep, was simply a drain on our resources.

Ok, firstly there was no fight at all, up until 2 weeks ago. The movement up and down was just standard Google flux <--Google it ;)

Secondly I hope youre not talking about your "buy Viagra online" enquiry as this big new contract :) Lastly as to what we can bring to the table, let's put it this way,

If you prod a sleeping Lion enough, you have to expect that at some point it may wake up and do you.. ;)

Officially surrendering to a great team, with a really boring site

Yes, it's true, they have a really boring web design... it looks like it was put together by a first year web designer with no imagination what so ever, but all of us here at Front Page Rankings have to admit, that they can really put some powerful SEO into it with enough time and manpower.

Hopefully they'll get someone to take a look at their site before they put too many potential clients to sleep. They won the 'superior SEO' crown, but in terms of design, we hope they can readily admit, they suck.

With regards to the site template, well it was chosen for it's contemporary looks, and used specifically to demonstrate that SEO has nothing to do with web code - real SEO can be applied to any website coding.

Web designers who sell "SEO services" using W3C validation, "elegant code" etc are:

• full of shit
• totally clueless, as these things are mostly totally unimportant in SEO

The template used is a dcarter - one of the most successful and respected independent template / web designers out there, we modified the CSS and images colours to personalize it, but otherwise it's all dcarter. His site is PR7 is how successful he is. Who are you again?

Oh that's right, teaboy, turned webbie, now masquerading as an SEO ;) In 18 months our site has managed to "not put 60+ clients to sleep", bet yours has had at least 4 re-designs before you get to 60 clients ;)

Per the agreement made between Tim Nebergall, the Director of Front Page Rankings, Inc. and Kev Grant (no title given) from SEO Ibiza, we are officially surrendering the trophy term 'superior SEO' and will cease to use it to market on Twitter. Since we still retain ranking on a few other terms this does not mean that we will cease to market altogether. We are still showing very respectably for 'SEO Web Design' (#10 in the US as of 8/24/09) and might just start marketing that term instead as we do believe we have not only the right to market, but a duty to our employees to do so.

Surrendering because you see that now several proper SEO's have aimed the weaponry at you, and that our site superior-seo.us is on your ass in 7 days, you have no hope. (yes we bought a domain, thankfully $9.99 for 2 years is not a big deal here ;)

And yet you attempt to take 8k from a struggling business and promise them first page for "buy Vi4GR4 online" in 4 - 6 weeks? :) Hilarious + clinically delusional or is it just fraudulent? - we will be re-visiting this subject in close detail if this nonsense continues on.

The management team at Front Page Rankings, Inc. simply cannot devote the necessary time and energy (especially energy) that is necessary to "recapture" the term 'superior SEO' simply for the sake of marketing and feels that our time is much better spent supporting our clients and seeking new opportunities for continued professional growth.

Yes, we told you that back here "superior seo web design" - remember? And lol at "the management team" - it's you your mum and your son isnt it? :)

As a team we enjoyed the spirited competition at first, but since it has become a personal issue we decided it was in our best interest to let this one go as it was not conducive to our company culture to respond to, nor indulge in, personal attacks simply for the sake of marketing a silly trophy term. We are proud of our work, proud of our designs and proud of our ability to assist our clients in ranking well on the search engines while retaining a great look and feel to their site. We do not encourage, nor will we participate in, personal attacks against any other web designer, SEO artist or software engineer.

So this is where it gets surreal. re-read bolded bit above, then re-read this from the same page..

they have a really boring web design... it looks like it was put together by a first year web designer with no imagination what so ever..

Yes, that's the mighty dcarter (web designer) you're calling "a first year web designer with no imagination" :)

and funnily enough is what we first thought of your site, student, definitely a student (or ex-teaboy) wonder what Mr Carter would make of it? mincemeat is the answer. it's even got one of those mid 1990's moving gifs on it :) ..btw are you actually colourblind? if so we forgive you for hurting our eyes, but yours is probably the worst SEO website we have ever seen, and that's saying something.

And finally be quick with your "marketing", - check seo web design on caffeine :) ..already told you Timothy, Caffeine is onto the spammers, your time there is short now...



You would be well advised to actually back down now, not continue acting like some helpless little puppy, that once you let go of the choke hold, then tries to bite you again, no-ones been looking at your twitter nonsense or even knows what your soppy new page is all about anyway.

Let it go Tim, properly, just let it all go, and then we will, otherwise we will take you so far to task you'll wish you'd never heard of Ibiza.

Spec ops out.

Spec Ops in Afganistan

Ok listen up.

Spec ops have been a bit quiet on the sitreps lately, lots going on, but little we can talk about, such is the path we tread. However, due to the nature of work we do, we can't help but make noticeable Google-waves occasionally.. :)



So HQ have ordered that we ramp up the workload and (at least pretend that we are going to) keep you all (slightly) better informed of goings on.

First up, the Great Satan himself has been spotted cohorting with the enemy, and donning the local garb (rags on head) to avoid detection.

This is actually rather good news because it means he can now be summarily shot on sight, rather than having to go after him for war (and peace) crimes against his own people (never mind the rest of the world)

- you'll all be pleased to know he's top priority, so there's an extra can of tennants for whoever bags him.

Any volunteers to stick a suicide Google bomb up his kaftan if we haven't nailed his sorry ass in a few days, stay behind afterwards please and we'll strap you up.

Secondly, C Company have got to stop joyriding through the Yank bases in the stolen Hummer.

Yes yes, I know it's funny the yanks can't even catch them now they painted it orange, but we're on the same side, and openly trolling our allies just isnt on.

Plus they have now stopped answering the radio completely apart from the odd "YeeeHahh!!" and we're even hearing rumours that they've been doing donuts in the Air Force base's McDonalds car park, it's got to stop, funny or not.

Next as you may be aware the local forces are making great strides in training and equipment and we are confident they'll soon be able to defend their own SERPs from the Talispam once again, but until then we have a job to do, so stop your nonsense and get back to your positions forthwith.

Finally as you may or may not be aware the sniper team have been in action demonstrating their usual superior seo firepower once more with overnight #1 strikes on Yahoo..






















.
..Google is also under heavy siege and will be giving up the top 5 booty within the month.

Just be thankful these boys are firing away from you again now, do not let them at the rum before a mission again and it will hopefully stay that way.

Over and out.

Superior SEO nonsense

Right listen up, ok this whole superior nonsense is all getting a bit surreal.

If there were a competition as to who could say the same few simple seo sentences, the most times, in the most (only very slightly) different ways, it would definitely be tied at the top between these two superior pretenders.

Recce team are tonight reporting that superior seo design is looking like being once again back under Ibicenco control as the SEO Ibiza superior seo system winds up to full power.

We would expect it to yo-yo for a while before settling permanently.

What's funny is that HQ really couldn't care less, but had they been bragging to all and sundry about it on twitter for weeks.. ..well one would think the shame would be pretty bad to lose it again, for any length of time, wouldn't it..? :)

In the meantime the traffic-less trophy term "superior seo" search now looks like a newbie SEO v1.0 technique practice ground, with more superior seo spam splatting into Google's index daily..

Butch isnt out of the (2nd place and below ;) ) running yet, which is hardly surprising as he is the SEO Master, the true "5E0 Ma5t4" (and can do for you what no-one else can) and has prepared a high quality superior seo blogspot post to show us this again very recently..

"Search Engine m'Optimizashun (or SEO to us masters) is the Art and Science of getting your website to rank, m'kay?"

And superior seo web design comedian is on a stupendous article & press release binge of truly gargantuan proportions, daily his nonsense appears in the SERP sometimes hourly, and the cheeky monkey is only now quoting a line from our site in this nonsense and then adding his own totally wrong spin to the end of our sentence.. .. and without link attribution too, tut tut..

The latest masterpiece from the superior seo web design spam team has the paragraph quoted below and dissected at length by us..

...Now there are a lot of SEO experts out there who will insist that they know what they’re doing. That they have Google’s “number” and can put you at the top of the search engines.

Lol, boy oh boy there certainly are.

...There’s a couple of things you might want to check though before putting your hard earned money down though. Have them give you a couple of references, folks that they’ve worked with.

Hahaha yes, this search is an awesome display of obtaining a client #1 ranking OUT OF 1 PAGE in Google :)

...As a very trusted source in the SEO world puts it:

Lol, thats us, we are definitely a trusted source, oh yes.. ;)

Superior SEO in the world of web2.0+ is a vision of a world with links by users, for users, that users may actually click

Ok SEO Ibiza copyright stops there. this next line is all clown.

Ensuring that your site has the most it possibly can is the way for your site to be seen appropriately by the search engines.

WTF??!!! No it f***king isnt, we never said that, can't you read? Look again, at the bold bit, and tell us where we said "get the most we possibly can" ??

Tell us where it says spam the f**k out of articles rehashing the same nonsense over and over and over ad infinitum, put out press releases, get your nonsense into the news, embarrass yourself, whilst MIS quoting us?

Superior SEO is about content you muppets, and content is not just the same thing repeated over and over and over again, either onpage, or in oldstyle Google index spamming of press releases and articles NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO READ (well seriously, anyway)

So, SpamPageRankings, when you read this, you should really have a look through the SEO Master's collection of Superior SEO spam, it's far more extensive than yours, (so far, granted at this rate you'll catch him quickly) and see how far articles and press releases got him in this comedy SERP.

Final note, our spec ops superior seo design project is coming along nicely, see screenshot below, we still have to just swap just a couple of the positions around, but it's coming, oh, it's coming.. ;)

D1G1TAL Numpty update

Ok listen up.

D1g1tal numpty has now been handed over to us.

As he clearly now thinks he's home free he is cracking on with his numpty-world domination plan involving "pooling together no-brainers" and getting the shareholders to moonlight as software testers from what we could gather.

Well that's all well and good but recce team think it's just a little bit cheeky, plus a bit retarded, to be putting "SEO" in his meta kw tags :) ..what a numpty.

he's also committed SEO Hall of Cardinal Shame Offence #7

<meta name="robots" content="index, follow">

..what a numpty.

It might be a laugh to now canvass all his latest brand new site'owners explaining the inherent technology and search engine visability challenges they face from their hi-tech, expensive, flash SEO-useless sites. :)

SEO Clowns & Comedians

"Come in Hooston, we have a problem.."

So HQ's "Guaranteed Houston SEO spammer" or "Cease & Desist"Clown as he's affectionately known as here seemingly took the best advice offered to him, and promptly deleted his offending website rather than engage with us (..we get that a lot, in case you're wondering ;)

It's a shame really because covert ops dug up some wonderful background articles, on amongst other stuff the power of blog comment spamming (& if only he'd done it himself instead of outsourcing we'd probably have never have fallen out) and one beauty in particular from one of his two other newer and less silly sites, we'll quote a little now with name removed.. [us in red]

..Yes look sunshine, not sure how to break this to you, "hanging with your homies" eating pizza and playing playstation doesn't make you an SEO. ..Anyway, he's been downgraded to "no discernable threat of any sort" now so we have to leave him alone.

And June's SEO Comedy Award goes to superior seo spam man after a stunning display of...

" look-at-me-I-rank-for-a-ridiculous-term-I-can-do-the-same-for-you.."

and this has to be the funniest Twitter marketing campaign ever

<> Edited by High Command

this guy turned out to be OK via email comms if a bit new to the game. He's just making as much noise as possible with his new company, sensitive info removed.. As you were...
< /s n i p >

BWAHAHahahahahahahahahahaha.. ...seo comedy genius in the making :)

spec ops out.

Texas SEO Rednecks

Ok stand to.

SEO Spec Ops are @ Bikini Amber as of 09.00 hours this morning after some "Hooston SEO" type clown opened comms with HQ today with an emailed "Cease & Desist", after initially spamming their blog, then not liking the comment replies.. ?? !! :)

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!

..Said clown was duly given his marching orders in blunt language by return, and we've had the situation under surveillance ever since.

It would appear at this point that the Texan SEO rednecks have tonight deleted their site, and are retreating (run away, run away! :) unless it's just a server error or something.

It was a pretty naff site anyway, giving "SEO Guarantees" and the individual in question does have two more slightly better looking ones to play with, so it's no great loss to the internet.

We've been digging deep and are kinda hoping he tries further intimidation tactics because this redneck SEO is going to have an awfully red neck (and face) by the time he's finished trying to dig himself out of this hole.. :)

watch this space..

Funniest Link Exchange Request 2009

Maybe only funny to Brits (expats obviously) with our inate toilet humour, but this one cracked a few battle faces into smirking on parade when it arrived this week, HQ got a spam email link request from a US SEO firm called "NoB SEO" :) ..we kid you not..

and replied with the volley below:

Nob SEO? are you serious? you do realise that nob is the English slang for weiner? :)

I dont think we can link to a company called nobSEO but you could try our young mate over at www.optimize-my-ass.com

maybe you could optimize his ass with your nobSEO? :) ..good luck with that

Well they might not want to link to them because of their silly name but we have no such qualms, so have a one way link with no recips required on us, and hearty congratulations, that name is so inspired, it's almost linkbait..

Then it's back to the latest Intel (analytics) funnies, this week we have:

• "prove you have a clue"

• "you have a clue and"

• shut up numpties

• ibiza fighting girls

• ladies puppies

• maltese girls doing it

• NTL letter cat

• Maltese "not allowed in Ibiza" :)
  

• Ibiza + girls how do I get me one?

• is it easy to pick up grils in Ibiza
  

• how do i know what spec my new ibiza is

The last of these is a question a lot of Ibiza residents have been wondering for a little while now.

Whilst the penultimate reminds us of the time last year that Brothel (Gringos) on the Ibiza -Santa Eulalia road painted "Grils" instead of girls in 4 foot letters on their newly decorated outside wall :)

Funniest Forum Post of the Week

Digitalpoint is responsible for some classic posts it must be said.

hi i have a seo site

---

hi i have an seo site and it,s ranking is down despite of having 47 links on google and it doesnot even apears on the domain keyword what do you think might be wrong and it,s domain age is 1 month and link age is also 1 month.

Yes..... :)

Does anybody else see anything slightly ironic about this or are we just getting old and cynical?

SEO Baghdad - Iraq

Right listen up..

It's only just occurred to the Military that although things are slowly coming round on the ground in Iraq, their SERP is still completely unsecured, in fact, "wide open" would be a good description. So we have orders to mobilize immediately and secure the position.

Several things to watch out for lads, after the failure of the US initial approach..



..and the surprise success of the sheep-powered rocket launchers in the SEO Afghanistan campaign, they now seem to have wholesale adopted the:

"if you can't beat them, join them"

..attitude, and are now embracing animal weaponry with a vengeance.

Sheep are obviously in hot demand..



and Donkey bombs are in blatent use on both sides now..



Not to mention the new superbreed of "War Donkeys"..



So keep your eyes and ears open (for loud baa-ing and braying sounds mostly..) and lets get in there, get the job done and get out again without any more of that nonsense from last time, right?

Absolutely no more of that Taliban-trolling ok? ..yes, yes I know it was funny, but we're not here for fun, this is serious seo business, got it?



Ok, you know the drill, Radio Silence until those Iraqi ladies are safe and sound..

Over and out.