New Office

So we've had a few questions lately regarding the new HQ & Spec ops forward base, so thought we'd share.



As you can see we have more than enough SEO firepower for our tiny island and so will not be taking any lip from Extranjeros, and especially ones with funny accents.

Sleazy-Jet Chav Mafia be advised.

and as usual Telefonica's internet capabilities are somewhat sub-optimal, if we have any networking specialists or CCIE s to hand, stay behind.

The rest of you, as you were...

Winter Ops Schedule

Ok lads listen up.

Summer break's over now, things are hotting up in several arenas currently, firstly it looks like we made the right choice staying out of SEO Iran as it looks like they won't be going down without a fight. - You must have heard the news about **someone** cough, cough launching a missile 35 miles from the US coast by now?

Well we've had technical do some image enhancements and spotted something we don't think they're going to like when they finally work it out, so we'll be keeping this one to ourselves for the moment, but just be aware.

Closer to home however the observant may have noticed another comedy "SEO Ibiza" assault by none other than summer's SEO Scotland suspect. Once again he seeks to employ the power of Hubs and syndicated blog posts to attempt to snipe leads from HQ's brand search.

This cheekiness cannot go without appropriate response but HQ said to stand down because maybe he might get rid of one or two of those irritating Chinese scrapers down there anyway. Amusingly Intel reports that he is as yet unaware of his soon-to-be #1 ranking over on Google images :)



Nor any of his more memorable tributes :)



However, all amusement aside, under duress HQ finally agreed to a little "expert SEO" counter-attack, volunteers stay behind afterwards please, the rest of you, as you were.

Ibiza SEO Sitrep

Ok lads quick update on the Ibiza SEO mission.

Those of you who were awake at the last briefing will remember that the only person who's ever come to the site using the words that way round was our "Ibiza SEO wannabe? (see post below if you're worried about booby-trapped links)

Well oddly enough :) the very next day after we pointed this out *someone else* hit the site "from the UK" using that very term.. just how unlikely is that, 3 years nothing, then 2 in 2 days? ..someone else using IE8 at 1920 x 1200 resolution? :)



Er.. yea, alright Numpty, because no-one knows what a VPN is round here do they? - or even which one you're using (Hidemyass? :) Whilst nosing around Spec Ops he noticed the satellite imagery of his previous surveillance (2mins 2 secs here below)



He even had a read of "The Art of SERP War" while he was there, but he obviously didn't learn much, or understand that it's not just an IP address that can gives your footprint away, because a quick switch to Amsterdam on the VPN..



and continued nosing around blissfully unaware he'd been pinged and was being observed through the cross-hairs the whole way..



Now any proper SEO troops know it's better to have your opposition underestimate you than the other way around, if only to see the looks on their faces when you boot their kitchen doors in and escort their ladies off for "de-briefing" (SEO Services Ibiza -if you get my drift ;)

However in this instance this operative is showing such low levels of awareness there is a strong possibility any actual SERP contact is likely to resemble 42 Commando RM vs Argie Conscripts 1982..

The combination of superior seo training, extensive serp combat experience, advanced weaponry (including surveillance equipment) is likely to make victory quickly decisive.

It's not bragging, but it's just not reasonable to expect a "bedroom seo" who by one means or another "inherited" control of a site that wasnt built by and didn't belong to him, and has never strayed out of the safety of little "Ibiza" searches, to have any hope against hardened shock troops with global combat experience in some of the toughest SERPs on earth.

However Lads, the Rules of Engagement are to be strictly followed, business is business and we must act in accordance of the rules, however if he makes it personal.. :)



Well thats a whole other can of worms isn't it? :)

SEO Ibiza - as you were..

Ibiza SEO

Right listen up.

You'll be glad to know the SEO Scotland situation has resolved itself with minimal haggis spilt, but we have orders to mobilise immediately to deal with some homegrown insurgency.

Intel have been observing some "interesting" action around Ibiza SEO see below..

This is clearly not a very advanced adversary as he seems to think IE is an appropriate browser for the job :) ..alright, stop your sniggering..

Ha ha, yes yes, he probably does code in asp and host on Windows too, but he seems to be trying to pick up intel of his own, it looks like he's trying to work out how to build a half decent WP SEO blog (WMDs) for a disgruntled customer or something so we have to engage.

The fact he always lands on the site following "Ibiza SEO" leads us to believe he is targeting it, which is funny as in all the years HQ have been #1 for "SEO Ibiza" & "Ibiza SEO", he's the only one who's ever searched it that way round..

He's probably got it that way round in his site's competing page title too, profiling suggests this character is likely to try mis-spellings of things and shortcuts to give himself more of a chance..

Anyway I won't bore you with any more details, you know what to do.

SEO Services Ibiza Over & Out.

SEO Iran?

Unbelievable. No sooner do we secure SEO Yemen..

..than the yanks start their bloody war talk on Iran instead.

These people need to make their minds up, it's no wonder they can't catch SEO bin Laden and his cousin Osama bin Spammin' their attention spans definitely need work.

Anyway, SEO Iran is a whole different ballgame than our Yemeni-trained pants bomber

The iranseo.com special forces (the Analytic Guard) are well trained, well supplied, and heavily dug in. In fact their SERP defence is not unlike like HQ's SEO Ibiza dominance

And, er, we haven't had time to "pickupadalingo" so if it's all the same with you we might sit this one out.. ?

Now c'mon don't be like that, we've been supporting your "SEO wars on this, and wars on that" for as long as we can remember now, we were there for you in Badhdad (Iraq) and who can ever forget the fun in Afhganistan ?

But seriously, we think our state-of-the art wordpress sniper skills can be much better employed than running around sorting your nonsense out anymore..

Let's just say the SEO Spec Ops are going into "private security" from now on.

Spec Ops 2010 - SEO Yemen & beyond..

Ok listen up.

Holiday's over, time to focus on 2010's spec ops, and there's plenty going on..

First up some clown apparently flew into Detroit hoping to explode his pants, (and the plane he was in) having been supposedly been trained by the criminal masterminds who currently have 100,000 US troops tied up in an un-winnable fight that will ultimately bankrupt the entire US State..

Hmm, exploding pants.. ..sounds more like the work of the CIA to us to be honest..

You have to give it to this lot, they are doing a supreme job of trolling the US into what will go down in the annals of history, as the biggest ($3 trillion) over-reaction of all-time, to anything, like ever..



...If Bin laden wanted a reaction and to just waste the US' time and divert their attention while their whole world comes crashing down around them, then he's done a superb job of it.

...still, orders are orders and we have been assigned to secure the SEO Yemen SERP as usual, and wait for America's next "War against 100 people in the desert" to begin..


The local Yemeni SEO troops look the usual rag-tag lot, and will need our ongoing support and training as usual.

At least the Yemini insurgents are still very much in the basic "blowing up their own pants" stage and haven't as yet graduated to the highly sophisticated animal weaponry we've seen employed in the Baghdad & SEO Afghanistan campaigns..

Otherwise, any volunteers for Troll-rat duty report to me at the end, the rest of you go do your stuff..

Spec Ops in Afganistan

Ok listen up.

Spec ops have been a bit quiet on the sitreps lately, lots going on, but little we can talk about, such is the path we tread. However, due to the nature of work we do, we can't help but make noticeable Google-waves occasionally.. :)



So HQ have ordered that we ramp up the workload and (at least pretend that we are going to) keep you all (slightly) better informed of goings on.

First up, the Great Satan himself has been spotted cohorting with the enemy, and donning the local garb (rags on head) to avoid detection.

This is actually rather good news because it means he can now be summarily shot on sight, rather than having to go after him for war (and peace) crimes against his own people (never mind the rest of the world)

- you'll all be pleased to know he's top priority, so there's an extra can of tennants for whoever bags him.

Any volunteers to stick a suicide Google bomb up his kaftan if we haven't nailed his sorry ass in a few days, stay behind afterwards please and we'll strap you up.

Secondly, C Company have got to stop joyriding through the Yank bases in the stolen Hummer.

Yes yes, I know it's funny the yanks can't even catch them now they painted it orange, but we're on the same side, and openly trolling our allies just isnt on.

Plus they have now stopped answering the radio completely apart from the odd "YeeeHahh!!" and we're even hearing rumours that they've been doing donuts in the Air Force base's McDonalds car park, it's got to stop, funny or not.

Next as you may be aware the local forces are making great strides in training and equipment and we are confident they'll soon be able to defend their own SERPs from the Talispam once again, but until then we have a job to do, so stop your nonsense and get back to your positions forthwith.

Finally as you may or may not be aware the sniper team have been in action demonstrating their usual superior seo firepower once more with overnight #1 strikes on Yahoo..






















.
..Google is also under heavy siege and will be giving up the top 5 booty within the month.

Just be thankful these boys are firing away from you again now, do not let them at the rum before a mission again and it will hopefully stay that way.

Over and out.

Superior SEO nonsense

Right listen up, ok this whole superior nonsense is all getting a bit surreal.

If there were a competition as to who could say the same few simple seo sentences, the most times, in the most (only very slightly) different ways, it would definitely be tied at the top between these two superior pretenders.

Recce team are tonight reporting that superior seo design is looking like being once again back under Ibicenco control as the SEO Ibiza superior seo system winds up to full power.

We would expect it to yo-yo for a while before settling permanently.

What's funny is that HQ really couldn't care less, but had they been bragging to all and sundry about it on twitter for weeks.. ..well one would think the shame would be pretty bad to lose it again, for any length of time, wouldn't it..? :)

In the meantime the traffic-less trophy term "superior seo" search now looks like a newbie SEO v1.0 technique practice ground, with more superior seo spam splatting into Google's index daily..

Butch isnt out of the (2nd place and below ;) ) running yet, which is hardly surprising as he is the SEO Master, the true "5E0 Ma5t4" (and can do for you what no-one else can) and has prepared a high quality superior seo blogspot post to show us this again very recently..

"Search Engine m'Optimizashun (or SEO to us masters) is the Art and Science of getting your website to rank, m'kay?"

And superior seo web design comedian is on a stupendous article & press release binge of truly gargantuan proportions, daily his nonsense appears in the SERP sometimes hourly, and the cheeky monkey is only now quoting a line from our site in this nonsense and then adding his own totally wrong spin to the end of our sentence.. .. and without link attribution too, tut tut..

The latest masterpiece from the superior seo web design spam team has the paragraph quoted below and dissected at length by us..

...Now there are a lot of SEO experts out there who will insist that they know what they’re doing. That they have Google’s “number” and can put you at the top of the search engines.

Lol, boy oh boy there certainly are.

...There’s a couple of things you might want to check though before putting your hard earned money down though. Have them give you a couple of references, folks that they’ve worked with.

Hahaha yes, this search is an awesome display of obtaining a client #1 ranking OUT OF 1 PAGE in Google :)

...As a very trusted source in the SEO world puts it:

Lol, thats us, we are definitely a trusted source, oh yes.. ;)

Superior SEO in the world of web2.0+ is a vision of a world with links by users, for users, that users may actually click

Ok SEO Ibiza copyright stops there. this next line is all clown.

Ensuring that your site has the most it possibly can is the way for your site to be seen appropriately by the search engines.

WTF??!!! No it f***king isnt, we never said that, can't you read? Look again, at the bold bit, and tell us where we said "get the most we possibly can" ??

Tell us where it says spam the f**k out of articles rehashing the same nonsense over and over and over ad infinitum, put out press releases, get your nonsense into the news, embarrass yourself, whilst MIS quoting us?

Superior SEO is about content you muppets, and content is not just the same thing repeated over and over and over again, either onpage, or in oldstyle Google index spamming of press releases and articles NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO READ (well seriously, anyway)

So, SpamPageRankings, when you read this, you should really have a look through the SEO Master's collection of Superior SEO spam, it's far more extensive than yours, (so far, granted at this rate you'll catch him quickly) and see how far articles and press releases got him in this comedy SERP.

Final note, our spec ops superior seo design project is coming along nicely, see screenshot below, we still have to just swap just a couple of the positions around, but it's coming, oh, it's coming.. ;)

Maltese Web Design Numpty Revisited

Right listen up, remember "Numpty of the Year 2007" ?

No, no, not "Dick - D1g1tal numpty" this was the Maltese web design Lemon remember?

He was never officially titled Numpty 2007, but that's all about to change - it's this twat, the Maltese Web Gimp "who doesn't believe in SEO" ?

Intel shows that he is up to his old tricks again, deleting and changing sites he has had strict instructions from the owners to leave alone for more than a year now.

If this was in the interests of the owner, this would be one thing, however it is not, it is being done specifically to bait HQ, who you can be assured are now well and truly baited and were sounding a bit like a bad Tourettes attack on the radio this morning.. :)

So we have orders to let the target have a full volley of the spec ops treatment, and this time we're going to out him by name and put his trophy post right underneath his company name in the charts, and we are going to explain in full, why companies who are interested in their website doing any business on their behalf, should avoid gimp web design at all costs.

There's a command briefing this afternoon to decide appropriate action (and phrases) we are pushing for either "Maltese Numpty" or "Maltese Web Gimp" so expect to be mobilizing and moving out this evening, Gimp himself will be very embarrassed upon Googling his company name from tomorrow onwards.

watch this space

edit 10-07-09. it would appear that Intel was partial and incomplete in this case and that for reasons of diplomatic nature this Op is suspended until further notice..

So stand down, get back to your ladies.

Ibiza Girls Images Uncovered

Ok, it's not all trolling comedians and numpties around here you know, we undertake serious ops too, none more so than policing and defence of our Ibiza Girls image searches.

So this is an Ibiza girls special op uncovered, as opposed to the kind you were probably looking for .. we can do that kind of trickery here.. ;)

Keyword-wise, the SEO soldiers will immediate recognise the tactics on this post, but for the SEO civilians amongst you passing through we'll spell (some of ;) it out simple like..

Phase 1. - Manuevre our fave Ibiza girls pic belonging to Ibiza Voice into images #1 or thereabouts and then hand back SERP ownership. See Google search here Ibiza Girls

Phase 2 - Dig in and reinforce the position by further associating the picture with other terms, party girls, space girls, girls on girls, and ultimately now HQ are getting hits from just "girls" here now.

Phase 3 - Having rooted out the usurpers in the SERP hand back ownership of target image to Voice with hugely increased image ranking and hence traffic. (underway)

It has been observed however that this SERP is swarming with universal search operators, with only 3 out of 10 organic search listings making it through alive as shown on the satellite report below, so stealth has been paramount.

Can you spot the embedded SEO spec ops image sniper deeply entrenched in the SERP below?




..No? haha, give you a clue..



In your sitting room having dinner with your ladies .. ;)

This is a complex ongoing operation, and on the whole has been conducted with pinpoint laser strike accuracy to ensure minimum SEO civilian casualties as far as possible, however in an SEO war, it is inevitable there will be casualties, and for this we apologise.

Our hearts go out to those who have lost dear ones (images or sites) in these skirmishes, but it's for the good of the Ibiza girls organic & image SERPs, which you had better believe, we will defend vigorously.

As you were.

Superior SEO .. the game is on..

Ok so apparently seo comedian from the previous post is now to be taken at least semi- seriously as he is now up to #2 for Superior SEO using what some might label not so superior seo web design techniques.

Having backed off from a serious discussion about Superior SEO web design here promising to calm down, we have it on good authority he's quitely gone off "to prove that lot wrong, my way is the best way 10k words in a scrollbar rules!! .." etc. :)

However due to Google still being eminently spammable, its working for the moment anyway.

HQ have already called in the airstrikes but Google is being slow in caching so we're on the case as well now. This might well end up a bit like bullying the retarded kid in the playground by the time it's finished, but well hey, this is serious SEO ethics business,

because you rank for a phrase, does not mean you are that phrase.. ..that would be like ranking for "genius amazing brain surgeon"

.. get lost with your scalpel nutter!

Of course this applies to us too, but we are not spamming Twitter, Propellor article - marketing for links all aimed at these silly phrases and generally telling everyone else we can find who will listen, how great we are because we rank for a silly phrase.

Superior SEO Design our collective arses, the game is now on.

edit 07-07-09 click -->>link<<-- ..to see why HQ really aren't bothered by anything except the misappropriation of the word "superior" here.

..all those superior seo #1's - traffic value? nil.

edit 09-07-09 .. dear oh dear.



Nobody hates you, mirth is a very different thing to hate, "Power Twit" is about right though.. ;)

edit 19-08-09 TN insists on various funny spamblogs he runs that he isnt spamming.

check .. http://superiorseowebdesign.wordpress.com :)

hmm.. looks like Wordpress themselves might just disagree ?

D1G1TAL Numpty update

Ok listen up.

D1g1tal numpty has now been handed over to us.

As he clearly now thinks he's home free he is cracking on with his numpty-world domination plan involving "pooling together no-brainers" and getting the shareholders to moonlight as software testers from what we could gather.

Well that's all well and good but recce team think it's just a little bit cheeky, plus a bit retarded, to be putting "SEO" in his meta kw tags :) ..what a numpty.

he's also committed SEO Hall of Cardinal Shame Offence #7

<meta name="robots" content="index, follow">

..what a numpty.

It might be a laugh to now canvass all his latest brand new site'owners explaining the inherent technology and search engine visability challenges they face from their hi-tech, expensive, flash SEO-useless sites. :)

Texas SEO Rednecks

Ok stand to.

SEO Spec Ops are @ Bikini Amber as of 09.00 hours this morning after some "Hooston SEO" type clown opened comms with HQ today with an emailed "Cease & Desist", after initially spamming their blog, then not liking the comment replies.. ?? !! :)

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!

..Said clown was duly given his marching orders in blunt language by return, and we've had the situation under surveillance ever since.

It would appear at this point that the Texan SEO rednecks have tonight deleted their site, and are retreating (run away, run away! :) unless it's just a server error or something.

It was a pretty naff site anyway, giving "SEO Guarantees" and the individual in question does have two more slightly better looking ones to play with, so it's no great loss to the internet.

We've been digging deep and are kinda hoping he tries further intimidation tactics because this redneck SEO is going to have an awfully red neck (and face) by the time he's finished trying to dig himself out of this hole.. :)

watch this space..

SEO Baghdad - Iraq

Right listen up..

It's only just occurred to the Military that although things are slowly coming round on the ground in Iraq, their SERP is still completely unsecured, in fact, "wide open" would be a good description. So we have orders to mobilize immediately and secure the position.

Several things to watch out for lads, after the failure of the US initial approach..



..and the surprise success of the sheep-powered rocket launchers in the SEO Afghanistan campaign, they now seem to have wholesale adopted the:

"if you can't beat them, join them"

..attitude, and are now embracing animal weaponry with a vengeance.

Sheep are obviously in hot demand..



and Donkey bombs are in blatent use on both sides now..



Not to mention the new superbreed of "War Donkeys"..



So keep your eyes and ears open (for loud baa-ing and braying sounds mostly..) and lets get in there, get the job done and get out again without any more of that nonsense from last time, right?

Absolutely no more of that Taliban-trolling ok? ..yes, yes I know it was funny, but we're not here for fun, this is serious seo business, got it?



Ok, you know the drill, Radio Silence until those Iraqi ladies are safe and sound..

Over and out.

Maltese Girls need Optimizing?

Right after our easy success with shuffling the Ibiza girls image searches around to be a bit more to our liking we're thinking we should probably do this for our neighbouring islands too?

Mallorca's isn't too bad, but Malta could do with some attention, between the pop stars and the Maltese Terrier dogs, its looking a bit limited..

As we now have a permanent outpost garrison stationed over here we ought to help sort it out a bit for them really, especially being as the local indigenous SEO crew don't seem to care at all, or haven't gotten round to it yet anyways...

They're probably far too busy worrying about "rankings and traffic" to get on with any of the really important SEO duties.. (And then they wonder why their ladies leave them so easily once conquered.. :)

So we dug back a bit and way back on page 3 at a lowly position #45 we found this young lady..



As it says in the caption (Click her to go there) no, Maltese Girls are not bad at all :)

..We knew that anyway, its just your image search results letting you down. ...give it a couple of weeks, Ibiza will sort it out for you ;)

Over and out.

Snipers strike

Since our sniper team moved to their forward OP and now take on any necessary deployments, spec ops can now get back to our real role of SEO Recon & CQSEO battle tactics

This generally involves long range missions scouting the enemy positions /strength, and then lying up waiting for the snipers to arrive and guiding their SERP strikes in.

This weekend's sniper targets are:

www.seniorworldresorts.com Senior Resorts creating your dream lifestyle in La Vera Spain. This is a new development project underway, you'll be hearing more about this in time to come.

And a very talented young Ibiza Dance & Cabaret Production company's first website, and is also a little seo experiment to see if Google does have a look down nofollow links, or not.

• www.passiondanceproductions.com

Both are still works in progress but it's time to fire up the laser sights & guide the Googlebot strikes home..

Incoming...

Malta & SEO ?

Ok listen up.

Word's coming in of dissent, or maybe even a small insurgency bubbling up over in our occupied territories, the Archipeligo of Malta SEO.

Spec ops have been dispatched with orders to deal with the uprising quickly, but without upsetting the locals too much if at all possible.

It's always the same in any of our occupied territory SERPs the natives do sometimes do get a bit restless but it's for their own good.

It's like the Roman invasions of old, we build infrastructures and pave the way for SEO progress (civilisation) to begin, even if their Darwinian clocks do run a little slower than ours.

After all it's Malta or more precisely Gozo where they "don't even believe in SEO" :)

...and even some who do believe in it, aren't very good at it, as HQ were contacted during the week by a local Maltese business with a website that was supposedly already under the care of a "local SEO company" for a year, and yet when we looked at their site, it was completely unoptimized.

Every page title was identical, and yet this "SEO company" were shameless enough to still put their link on the site.

Somewhat embarassing for them, but not surprising because they're not an SEO company at all, but rather just another web designer trying to cash in on SEO, and we all know what happens then don't we....?

But this company wasn't a good fit for us and we're far too busy to take on clients who arent a good fit, so we agreed it wasnt suitable for either party and disengaged.

If any of the local rebellion would like a hot lead on who may be currently looking for a good SEO company in Malta, please do get in touch on the details over at HQ and we'll pass the lead on.

(Tip, it will be a much quicker and easier way of getting SEO work than trying to outrank us ;) )

Ibiza out.

Keyword Snipers in Training

Ok listen up, here's some ultra rare footage of our legendary spec ops keyword sniper team in training at Marina Botafoch Ibiza. You can clearly see Ibiza old town in the background.

This particular candidate obviously failed (because of the personal phone call in the middle of the mission -fft!) but we think he'll pass the re-sit test.

shout to the LK for Ibiza town camerawork

and "Jessica" take note ;)

SEO India Serp under Siege

Reports are coming in from our front line embedded journalist that the shock troops have struck fiercely deep in SEO Services India territory, and the battle is nearing the final stages..

At Ibiza HQ this evening the deeply handsome General in charge of things said:

"The Indian SEO community were given every chance to comply with the resolution but for reasons best known to themselves decided not to hand over the girl.

Bad decision, now they'll have to suffer the consequences.. Unfortunately these troops were so deep undercover we couldn't have called it off even if we could remember what the secret codes were..

Anyway it won't be long now, #30's is the virtual equivalent of the soldiers kicking your gate in and storming up the garden path.."

The stock markets braced themselves this evening for the shockwaves that will inevitably ripple through the financial markets, and if you are in the SEO Services India area our advice is to stay indoors and hide under your lounge table.



There's a special phone number for concerned friends and relatives to call, we, er just cant remember what it is..

Indian SERP Invasion Underway

Reports are coming in this morning of final warnings being given of the imminent arrival of the Ibicenco SEO Warriors in the very heart of the Indian SERPs..

This is your last chance to surrender and hand over the lady, shown in the page here SEO India before a tiny island in the Mediterrean publicly embarrasses the entire Indian nations SEO firms by launching straight into the top of your charts in a matter of weeks.. :)

..Dont say we didnt warn you, and we would advise locking up your daughters. especially the pretty ones who will all want to return to Ibiza with us, we promise you.. ;)

This is not a drill, there will be no further warnings.