Spec Ops in Afganistan

Ok listen up.

Spec ops have been a bit quiet on the sitreps lately, lots going on, but little we can talk about, such is the path we tread. However, due to the nature of work we do, we can't help but make noticeable Google-waves occasionally.. :)



So HQ have ordered that we ramp up the workload and (at least pretend that we are going to) keep you all (slightly) better informed of goings on.

First up, the Great Satan himself has been spotted cohorting with the enemy, and donning the local garb (rags on head) to avoid detection.

This is actually rather good news because it means he can now be summarily shot on sight, rather than having to go after him for war (and peace) crimes against his own people (never mind the rest of the world)

- you'll all be pleased to know he's top priority, so there's an extra can of tennants for whoever bags him.

Any volunteers to stick a suicide Google bomb up his kaftan if we haven't nailed his sorry ass in a few days, stay behind afterwards please and we'll strap you up.

Secondly, C Company have got to stop joyriding through the Yank bases in the stolen Hummer.

Yes yes, I know it's funny the yanks can't even catch them now they painted it orange, but we're on the same side, and openly trolling our allies just isnt on.

Plus they have now stopped answering the radio completely apart from the odd "YeeeHahh!!" and we're even hearing rumours that they've been doing donuts in the Air Force base's McDonalds car park, it's got to stop, funny or not.

Next as you may be aware the local forces are making great strides in training and equipment and we are confident they'll soon be able to defend their own SERPs from the Talispam once again, but until then we have a job to do, so stop your nonsense and get back to your positions forthwith.

Finally as you may or may not be aware the sniper team have been in action demonstrating their usual superior seo firepower once more with overnight #1 strikes on Yahoo..






















.
..Google is also under heavy siege and will be giving up the top 5 booty within the month.

Just be thankful these boys are firing away from you again now, do not let them at the rum before a mission again and it will hopefully stay that way.

Over and out.

Superior SEO nonsense

Right listen up, ok this whole superior nonsense is all getting a bit surreal.

If there were a competition as to who could say the same few simple seo sentences, the most times, in the most (only very slightly) different ways, it would definitely be tied at the top between these two superior pretenders.

Recce team are tonight reporting that superior seo design is looking like being once again back under Ibicenco control as the SEO Ibiza superior seo system winds up to full power.

We would expect it to yo-yo for a while before settling permanently.

What's funny is that HQ really couldn't care less, but had they been bragging to all and sundry about it on twitter for weeks.. ..well one would think the shame would be pretty bad to lose it again, for any length of time, wouldn't it..? :)

In the meantime the traffic-less trophy term "superior seo" search now looks like a newbie SEO v1.0 technique practice ground, with more superior seo spam splatting into Google's index daily..

Butch isnt out of the (2nd place and below ;) ) running yet, which is hardly surprising as he is the SEO Master, the true "5E0 Ma5t4" (and can do for you what no-one else can) and has prepared a high quality superior seo blogspot post to show us this again very recently..

"Search Engine m'Optimizashun (or SEO to us masters) is the Art and Science of getting your website to rank, m'kay?"

And superior seo web design comedian is on a stupendous article & press release binge of truly gargantuan proportions, daily his nonsense appears in the SERP sometimes hourly, and the cheeky monkey is only now quoting a line from our site in this nonsense and then adding his own totally wrong spin to the end of our sentence.. .. and without link attribution too, tut tut..

The latest masterpiece from the superior seo web design spam team has the paragraph quoted below and dissected at length by us..

...Now there are a lot of SEO experts out there who will insist that they know what they’re doing. That they have Google’s “number” and can put you at the top of the search engines.

Lol, boy oh boy there certainly are.

...There’s a couple of things you might want to check though before putting your hard earned money down though. Have them give you a couple of references, folks that they’ve worked with.

Hahaha yes, this search is an awesome display of obtaining a client #1 ranking OUT OF 1 PAGE in Google :)

...As a very trusted source in the SEO world puts it:

Lol, thats us, we are definitely a trusted source, oh yes.. ;)

Superior SEO in the world of web2.0+ is a vision of a world with links by users, for users, that users may actually click

Ok SEO Ibiza copyright stops there. this next line is all clown.

Ensuring that your site has the most it possibly can is the way for your site to be seen appropriately by the search engines.

WTF??!!! No it f***king isnt, we never said that, can't you read? Look again, at the bold bit, and tell us where we said "get the most we possibly can" ??

Tell us where it says spam the f**k out of articles rehashing the same nonsense over and over and over ad infinitum, put out press releases, get your nonsense into the news, embarrass yourself, whilst MIS quoting us?

Superior SEO is about content you muppets, and content is not just the same thing repeated over and over and over again, either onpage, or in oldstyle Google index spamming of press releases and articles NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO READ (well seriously, anyway)

So, SpamPageRankings, when you read this, you should really have a look through the SEO Master's collection of Superior SEO spam, it's far more extensive than yours, (so far, granted at this rate you'll catch him quickly) and see how far articles and press releases got him in this comedy SERP.

Final note, our spec ops superior seo design project is coming along nicely, see screenshot below, we still have to just swap just a couple of the positions around, but it's coming, oh, it's coming.. ;)

SEO Baghdad - Iraq

Right listen up..

It's only just occurred to the Military that although things are slowly coming round on the ground in Iraq, their SERP is still completely unsecured, in fact, "wide open" would be a good description. So we have orders to mobilize immediately and secure the position.

Several things to watch out for lads, after the failure of the US initial approach..



..and the surprise success of the sheep-powered rocket launchers in the SEO Afghanistan campaign, they now seem to have wholesale adopted the:

"if you can't beat them, join them"

..attitude, and are now embracing animal weaponry with a vengeance.

Sheep are obviously in hot demand..



and Donkey bombs are in blatent use on both sides now..



Not to mention the new superbreed of "War Donkeys"..



So keep your eyes and ears open (for loud baa-ing and braying sounds mostly..) and lets get in there, get the job done and get out again without any more of that nonsense from last time, right?

Absolutely no more of that Taliban-trolling ok? ..yes, yes I know it was funny, but we're not here for fun, this is serious seo business, got it?



Ok, you know the drill, Radio Silence until those Iraqi ladies are safe and sound..

Over and out.

Ibiza Numpties Puppies Ladies & Funnies

Spec ops have been a bit quiet of late, not deep undercover terrorizing a SERP near you, nor optimizin' your ladies you might be surprised to hear :)

But we found this one today and think they should be higher than their current #21 if possible, lets see what we can do.. ;)

..we haven't really had much to get our teeth properly into for a little while, and one of our number just got a new puppy :) ..so it's all been a bit laid back for a while.

HQ have been dishing out Google bashings to Numpties quite well enough without our help, but we suspect we may get an order to rank the post for his name (without including his name in it, a spec ops speciality, the linkbombing filters make it harder these days)

We would prefer to wait till the post has critical mass of IBLs and then 301 it at his actual site and see if we can swap the two over in the charts :)

..but we probably wont be allowed, "professionalism an' all that.." lol..

In the meantime this site, canucklehead.ca has been amusing us hugely, it really is very funny.

..and speaking of funnies they've been a bit slow on the analytics too of late but here's a sprinkling of spec ops hits over the last few weeks.

• beautiful ladies uncovered

• girls of ibiza uncovered

• ladies going commando

• girls in malta need help
  

• maltese girls need a man

• 2 malta girls need a man :) - nothing like a bit of optimism.
  

• horse seo :) ??!!
  

• world sex seo - wtf?? - if this is a tournament we are definitely entering :)
  

Island ladies optimized!

So the image optimization testing has been a success.

We now have the picture we chose to be #1 for Ibiza Girls belonging to Ibiza Voice (reclaimed back from the Welsh pretender a few posts ago) and showing in the right place for it's rightful owner.

And our delectable choice of young lady to champion for Maltese girls is now at the #1 spot as well, but still currently showing on Spec Ops rather than the owners blog at the moment, but we would expect that to revert back with the next few weeks..

The Mallorca girls image is also showing up at #2 in the Maltese SERP & #3 for Mallorca girls :)

All in all, we think if any of you need your island ladies given a good optimizin' you should probably come see us.. ;)

Ibiza Girls Optimized!!

Remember this from 3 weekends ago? Ibiza Girls image optimization?

We basically decided that:

a) Google's impression of "Ibiza girls" didn't really do them justice..

b) We needed to experiment with image optimization sniperage a little..

Results are in, direct hit (#1 ;) with the primary target, and #8 for the secondary.



Now dont come round messing our SERPs up with your sub standard ladies any more

Ibiza Photography

Announcing Ibiza Photography the latest project from the SBS.

This is a particularly poorly defended target and a top 3 launch is possibly on the cards.

Initial targets defined as Ibiza photography / photographer / Ibiza weddings

..you get the idea.

Again it's not finished yet, but the new owner is coming over for her user training tomorrow so she'll be finishing it off, now we're going to try and get it showing top 5 in Google before handover..

Spec ops, fire at will....

And a big shout to our favourite London photographer

Edit 12-12-08 - direct hit.

Retiring the Old Battle Horse?

There was once a time, way back in the long, long before, when this blogspot weaponry was more than enough for the spec ops group.

It was never a mighty battle horse but was trusty and reliable steed, and has at times seen great glory, including the "Microsofts free websites" campaign which continues on in greatness, the "Attention America" campaign has also brought much mirth, and grows ever stronger.. click the image, #1 out of 148, 000,000
























and she's done great work in the indian invasion serp counter attack, ..but lately something's changed, it seems we can no longer rely on her, and are sadly thinking about putting the old girl out to pasture..

For example, the SEO Afghanistan mission, an easy mission, no opposition whatsoever, one shot, straight in, and that's where we'd expect it to stay.

What we wouldn't expect is for it to just then up and vanish from the already secured position, and off the face of the SERP, whilst still being indexed in a site: search. hmm...

The previous two Ibiza Girls posts, the same.. hmmm...

Whilst the second (Pacha) Ibiza girls image has risen some 12 places and made the bottom of the first page of image search (showing that the old girl still has some punch left in her links) the posts are conspicuously absent from the SERPs.

It's not quite desertion of one's post during wartime but it's not good, so it may be time to just retire the old soldier gracefully.. will let you know.

SEO Humour - Funniest post of the week..

So whilst HQ are breaking the news to the SEO world about the google algo update we're trawling for clues and found this beauty over on Googlegroups of all places.

Hello, can you google people help, my site www.blindsuk.net has been
in top slots at google for a long time but today i just vanish. I
spend fortune each month on buying links in, i have more than 30,000,
i need ranking back as no traffic and i am nearly sold business.

And before you all start saying paid links bad that not true, my slots
have been stolen by man who buying more then even me see www.blinds4uk.co.uk

Can you solve problem immeadiatly or i must take legal action!

we kid you not.. :)

Video Marketing by Numpties

What's the point if it doesn't convert? c'mon, honestly, what's the point?

you might well end up with your video on the first page, like the SEO Rapper did, and still ranking highly for "link building" all this time later, but exactly how many people do you think see Digital numpty-boy and think, I know, I'll get him to do my link building? :)

But at least that one pulls it off by sheer humour / entertainment / originality, whereas this next example is just spam by any other name. Video SEO spam maybe, but hardly deserving of a Google front page for a hotly contested term, by the best small business SEO services companies around.

Check this. small business seo

..it routinely shows up on Google Page 1 for "small business seo" :)

bwahahahaha!! mum always said if you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, so we'll shut up now.

SEO Web Design Malta

Right, news has reached us of some mild insurgency (well, lip anyway) on the SEO Malta & Gozo campaign. ..Apparently some local numpty "doesn't believe in SEO or something" ?

..after we stopped laughing (several hours) we decided he obviously needs a bit of a Google SERP kicking to drive the point home.

The temptation to put this deluded rebellion down once and for all by outranking this plum for his own company name is very strong, but as we always try to act graciously in our conquered lands, this will always be the last resort..

So instead we thought we would just go after their prime terms web design malta :)

We warn you, do not make the boys from Blog HQ bring the SEO War to you, because they will get really rough, and we promise you, that you will prefer cooperation and the far gentler art of SEO on the beach.

As usual, the terms are:

• All captured women belong to us
• Total renunciation of all use of the SEO "challenged" Macromedia Flash (in this day and age, you should be ashamed)

..and of course mandatory swearing of your undying allegiance to Ibiza Global Radio.

We await your surrender forthwith.

New SEO Humour site.

Right, I'm not sure where we've been these last couple of weeks (well I am actually, last minute battle preps, weaponry checks, and a prolonged bout of seo on the beach) - but in line with our policy of not taking life (and seo) too seriously we're always on the lookout for funnies, and especially seo related funnies.

Finding good seo humour is more difficult than you might think, and finding seo humour that translates to non-seo types (or seo civilians come to that) is almost impossible, as it's generally all "in-jokes" and geeky techy humour, and most seo civilians either dont understand, dont think its funny even when you explain it to them, or plain just don't care.

So as we are supposed to be an seo recon unit, we have to admit to slacking a bit really by letting this one slip under the radar so far.. ..It's has like 47 Sphinns and everything!! :)

..Introducing http://schmearch.com/blog/ - creative satirical and well, (we think) quite funny. Check:

schmearch.com/google/linkbait-crashes-new-google-truthrank-algorithm-saves-the-world

there ya go schmeach, bask in the glow of Ibiza's linklove, and we'll send you a postcard from foreign serpshores when we've landed and secured the area, and in the meantime keep an eye out for those "suicide google bombers" and if you need the seo jihadi warriors give us a shout. ;)

Keyword Sniping & Google fun..

A few people have been having some SEO-style fun in the Google charts recently, it's becoming a bit of a game lately for many with the ability to make their writings show up in the SERP.

The Hobo was doing it at the expense of a poor little Indian SEO guy who was doubtlessly just trying to feed his family by ninja link spamming Shaun's blog, and he's also been picking on another poor helpless guy just trying to earn a crust selling some (very obviously) genuine and all-above board T-in the-Park Tickets.

...Well, to be fair the Scottish are well known for their fiestiness, but in Ibiza we're harder still.

We not picking on your seo-clueless helpless man-on-the-street types, we're taking on the world's mightiest, most technical and misguided nation themselves.. America.. check us...



Now listen up, and listen good, HQ dropped the ball and let us down with the backup, so we had to let you have superior small business back again, but it won't last and we won't go away...

Your 12 million page searches are nothing for the Ibizenco warriors and our mighty blogspot google-weaponry, we can harass the world's richest man himself and his mighty corporation for for their own name and products - Microsofts free websites

& we will not go away until you renounce Country & Western and hand over Streisand, and be warned if we have to come back again, we won't stop and let the ragnecks get away like last time, we'll take Superior Business next time too and finish it off.

Make it easy on yourselves and hand them over or the SEO Jihad will resume.

Cutts is great!! Cutts is great!!

SEO Ibiza are off to the beach.

Google strips blogger blogs from SERP?

Over at HQ they made some big changes to the site last week and naturally assumed that as some of the rankings tanked immediately as the new pages cached, that they'd got the calcs wrong.

However since then the forums have been filling up with people saying their rankings have tanked across the board at around the same time.

And now a thread in Digitalpoint points out that Google's own Blogger blogs have been fairly rinsed from the index, and everyone's looking, and seeing theirs has gone too.

And, checking, our long standing #2 for *Microsofts Free Websites* search (see link for screenshots) has indeed vanished, and is not showing in the top 10 pages...

This is somewhat of a relief as hordes of angry Microsoft-loving mid Westerners have been making our lives hell with their Country & Western-loving redneckiness.

We are actually relieved to no longer have to shoulder the responsibility of being the #2 authority site on a Microsoft freebie gimmick we didnt think much of, aimed at pocket rinsing of stupid people, as to be fair the C&W loving Republicans deserve everything MS have in mind.

Check your levels but we suspect that if you had a blogger blog that was ranking for anything more than some random drunken typo about some div of a singer you can kiss that goodbye.

On a lighter note the SEO Malta invasion is full steam ahead, the boys landed last late night, indexed today and will be putting their feet up in your local in Valetta in a few days time I wouldnt wonder.