Summer Sitrep

Right stop what you're doing and listen up lads.

Ok firstly some of you heard the rumours, but now its confirmed, the SEO Scotland op is officially off due to a lack of interest all round at the top. Yes I know some of you were already picturing the lassies, but it's not happening so get over it.

Secondly web mania are still utter pants but are under heavy siege both in the SERP and from irate customers in the comments, so that's covered now for the forseeable.



Finally, and the main reason for this briefing, HQ had another slight altercation earlier in the week with a "forum expert" with another (as in possibly Texan) target along the lines of "Hooston SEO Clown" remember him? :)

However reports are yet not conclusive as Geordie was muttering the words Odessa Florida and Tampa as he passed out in the bar and couldn't remember a thing when he came round.

So "Operation Alicia SEO" is a standard code 4, and all the usual protocols apply, so we'll have no more of that "improvisation" from the long range team, funny though it definitely was ;)

Ok get to it, over and out.

Dodgy Rankings Companies

Right listen up. ..What is it with "SEO companies" with "Rankings" in their names?

Obviously we use both SEO and "company" in the loosest possible sense of the words..

2009 was the year of TN's "Funny Page Rankings" who has still got another company's name plastered all over the front page of business site ..seriously.. :)

..and now this year HQ have taken offense at ABC Rankings stealing content from the main site with scrapers, spinning it, and building .info spam networks with our name plastered all over them too.

So Spec Ops first job as privateers looks like we're off to Thailand..

watch this space...

Spec Ops 2010 - SEO Yemen & beyond..

Ok listen up.

Holiday's over, time to focus on 2010's spec ops, and there's plenty going on..

First up some clown apparently flew into Detroit hoping to explode his pants, (and the plane he was in) having been supposedly been trained by the criminal masterminds who currently have 100,000 US troops tied up in an un-winnable fight that will ultimately bankrupt the entire US State..

Hmm, exploding pants.. ..sounds more like the work of the CIA to us to be honest..

You have to give it to this lot, they are doing a supreme job of trolling the US into what will go down in the annals of history, as the biggest ($3 trillion) over-reaction of all-time, to anything, like ever..



...If Bin laden wanted a reaction and to just waste the US' time and divert their attention while their whole world comes crashing down around them, then he's done a superb job of it.

...still, orders are orders and we have been assigned to secure the SEO Yemen SERP as usual, and wait for America's next "War against 100 people in the desert" to begin..


The local Yemeni SEO troops look the usual rag-tag lot, and will need our ongoing support and training as usual.

At least the Yemini insurgents are still very much in the basic "blowing up their own pants" stage and haven't as yet graduated to the highly sophisticated animal weaponry we've seen employed in the Baghdad & SEO Afghanistan campaigns..

Otherwise, any volunteers for Troll-rat duty report to me at the end, the rest of you go do your stuff..

Code Red (Nose)

Right stop what you're doing and listen up.

I know you've been having lots of fun toying with various harmless clowns but summer's over now, it's time to get back to our real jobs again.

1. Derek Powazek - orders are to engage and image troll this know-nothing arrogant tool until he's crying into his nancy-boy latte. I know you're going to enjoy this one, rarely does someone need such an SEO slapping as this utter cock.

2. It's time to engage the local "creative marketing" "company" who are building hugely expensive sites for prestige clients, and then hiding links in the clients HTML pages back to their own Directory site to make it rank at the expense of the clients rankings..

The cheek of this is just astounding, they are:-

a) taking huge amounts of money to build a Flash front-end (yawn)

b) taking even more money to build an HTML site behind it for rankings purposes

c) then linking invisibly from the clients pages to their OWN site to rank that instead

d) then trying to charge the clients for an entry in their own (now top 5 ranking) directory ad pages

They are risking their new client being banned from Google (hidden links) so they can rank their own site and sell advertising there too!!

Talk about have your cake and eat it, "creative internet marketing" indeed!

(if you click the link above you'd probably be able to work out who this is.. ;)

What's interesting about the pairing of these two Spec Ops projects is that the second company (person) seems to be exactly the sort of thing Powazek is talking about, but it's not the work of an "SEO" it's the work of "Web Designers" attempting to do SEO.

This is obviously the general "understanding" of SEO by the average web designer. Dont get us wrong, there are a (very) few rare exceptions to this, but in general, and definitely in Ibiza..

So get your shit together live-o, first squad of Google image snipers to deploy at 18.00 hours.

Spec ops out.

Surreal SEO Web Design

Ok, listen up.

Not 2 weeks since matey boy managed to goad us into a semi-serious response to his Superior SEO nonsense he's only gone and folded under the imminent threat of soon being #5 or #6 for all his silly "trophy terms" as the other sites have started piling the pressure on.

and then immediately afterwards, as though anyone else is actually following his nonsense ramblings and he needs to explain (excuses) to his thousands of followers, he puts this nonsense up on their site, ..he certainly does seem hell bent on embarrassing them all as much as humanly possible :) - So lets go through it bit by bit and try and help them with that :

The trohpy term battle was fought well, but it couldn't last

Trohpy terms while very cool, just simply can't have the same level of work performed as terms that actually drive good quality traffic. The team here at Front Page Rankings fought well, but to be honest, we need to get back to builing sites and have no more time for silliness, so we're officially surrendering the fight and will no longer be marketing directly on Twitter using "trophy" terms.

Which we believe was the entire thrust of our objection to the lame Twitter bragging about nonsense phrases in the first place? :) ..And it would also appear that superior web design doesnt include spellcheck? (errors in red)

Some things are better left to those with time

We could have continued to fight, and probably it would have gone back and forth, one way, then the other, but to tell the truth, our operation is a bit too lean to play around too much on trohpy terms. We're on the verge of signing a big new contract that simply won't leave any room what so ever for nonsensical posts. Trying to keep up with what SEO Ibiza can bring to the table when it comes to time and energy for silly trophy terms, which they obviously love to keep, was simply a drain on our resources.

Ok, firstly there was no fight at all, up until 2 weeks ago. The movement up and down was just standard Google flux <--Google it ;)

Secondly I hope youre not talking about your "buy Viagra online" enquiry as this big new contract :) Lastly as to what we can bring to the table, let's put it this way,

If you prod a sleeping Lion enough, you have to expect that at some point it may wake up and do you.. ;)

Officially surrendering to a great team, with a really boring site

Yes, it's true, they have a really boring web design... it looks like it was put together by a first year web designer with no imagination what so ever, but all of us here at Front Page Rankings have to admit, that they can really put some powerful SEO into it with enough time and manpower.

Hopefully they'll get someone to take a look at their site before they put too many potential clients to sleep. They won the 'superior SEO' crown, but in terms of design, we hope they can readily admit, they suck.

With regards to the site template, well it was chosen for it's contemporary looks, and used specifically to demonstrate that SEO has nothing to do with web code - real SEO can be applied to any website coding.

Web designers who sell "SEO services" using W3C validation, "elegant code" etc are:

• full of shit
• totally clueless, as these things are mostly totally unimportant in SEO

The template used is a dcarter - one of the most successful and respected independent template / web designers out there, we modified the CSS and images colours to personalize it, but otherwise it's all dcarter. His site is PR7 is how successful he is. Who are you again?

Oh that's right, teaboy, turned webbie, now masquerading as an SEO ;) In 18 months our site has managed to "not put 60+ clients to sleep", bet yours has had at least 4 re-designs before you get to 60 clients ;)

Per the agreement made between Tim Nebergall, the Director of Front Page Rankings, Inc. and Kev Grant (no title given) from SEO Ibiza, we are officially surrendering the trophy term 'superior SEO' and will cease to use it to market on Twitter. Since we still retain ranking on a few other terms this does not mean that we will cease to market altogether. We are still showing very respectably for 'SEO Web Design' (#10 in the US as of 8/24/09) and might just start marketing that term instead as we do believe we have not only the right to market, but a duty to our employees to do so.

Surrendering because you see that now several proper SEO's have aimed the weaponry at you, and that our site superior-seo.us is on your ass in 7 days, you have no hope. (yes we bought a domain, thankfully $9.99 for 2 years is not a big deal here ;)

And yet you attempt to take 8k from a struggling business and promise them first page for "buy Vi4GR4 online" in 4 - 6 weeks? :) Hilarious + clinically delusional or is it just fraudulent? - we will be re-visiting this subject in close detail if this nonsense continues on.

The management team at Front Page Rankings, Inc. simply cannot devote the necessary time and energy (especially energy) that is necessary to "recapture" the term 'superior SEO' simply for the sake of marketing and feels that our time is much better spent supporting our clients and seeking new opportunities for continued professional growth.

Yes, we told you that back here "superior seo web design" - remember? And lol at "the management team" - it's you your mum and your son isnt it? :)

As a team we enjoyed the spirited competition at first, but since it has become a personal issue we decided it was in our best interest to let this one go as it was not conducive to our company culture to respond to, nor indulge in, personal attacks simply for the sake of marketing a silly trophy term. We are proud of our work, proud of our designs and proud of our ability to assist our clients in ranking well on the search engines while retaining a great look and feel to their site. We do not encourage, nor will we participate in, personal attacks against any other web designer, SEO artist or software engineer.

So this is where it gets surreal. re-read bolded bit above, then re-read this from the same page..

they have a really boring web design... it looks like it was put together by a first year web designer with no imagination what so ever..

Yes, that's the mighty dcarter (web designer) you're calling "a first year web designer with no imagination" :)

and funnily enough is what we first thought of your site, student, definitely a student (or ex-teaboy) wonder what Mr Carter would make of it? mincemeat is the answer. it's even got one of those mid 1990's moving gifs on it :) ..btw are you actually colourblind? if so we forgive you for hurting our eyes, but yours is probably the worst SEO website we have ever seen, and that's saying something.

And finally be quick with your "marketing", - check seo web design on caffeine :) ..already told you Timothy, Caffeine is onto the spammers, your time there is short now...



You would be well advised to actually back down now, not continue acting like some helpless little puppy, that once you let go of the choke hold, then tries to bite you again, no-ones been looking at your twitter nonsense or even knows what your soppy new page is all about anyway.

Let it go Tim, properly, just let it all go, and then we will, otherwise we will take you so far to task you'll wish you'd never heard of Ibiza.

Spec ops out.

Spec Ops in Afganistan

Ok listen up.

Spec ops have been a bit quiet on the sitreps lately, lots going on, but little we can talk about, such is the path we tread. However, due to the nature of work we do, we can't help but make noticeable Google-waves occasionally.. :)



So HQ have ordered that we ramp up the workload and (at least pretend that we are going to) keep you all (slightly) better informed of goings on.

First up, the Great Satan himself has been spotted cohorting with the enemy, and donning the local garb (rags on head) to avoid detection.

This is actually rather good news because it means he can now be summarily shot on sight, rather than having to go after him for war (and peace) crimes against his own people (never mind the rest of the world)

- you'll all be pleased to know he's top priority, so there's an extra can of tennants for whoever bags him.

Any volunteers to stick a suicide Google bomb up his kaftan if we haven't nailed his sorry ass in a few days, stay behind afterwards please and we'll strap you up.

Secondly, C Company have got to stop joyriding through the Yank bases in the stolen Hummer.

Yes yes, I know it's funny the yanks can't even catch them now they painted it orange, but we're on the same side, and openly trolling our allies just isnt on.

Plus they have now stopped answering the radio completely apart from the odd "YeeeHahh!!" and we're even hearing rumours that they've been doing donuts in the Air Force base's McDonalds car park, it's got to stop, funny or not.

Next as you may be aware the local forces are making great strides in training and equipment and we are confident they'll soon be able to defend their own SERPs from the Talispam once again, but until then we have a job to do, so stop your nonsense and get back to your positions forthwith.

Finally as you may or may not be aware the sniper team have been in action demonstrating their usual superior seo firepower once more with overnight #1 strikes on Yahoo..






















.
..Google is also under heavy siege and will be giving up the top 5 booty within the month.

Just be thankful these boys are firing away from you again now, do not let them at the rum before a mission again and it will hopefully stay that way.

Over and out.

Superior SEO nonsense

Right listen up, ok this whole superior nonsense is all getting a bit surreal.

If there were a competition as to who could say the same few simple seo sentences, the most times, in the most (only very slightly) different ways, it would definitely be tied at the top between these two superior pretenders.

Recce team are tonight reporting that superior seo design is looking like being once again back under Ibicenco control as the SEO Ibiza superior seo system winds up to full power.

We would expect it to yo-yo for a while before settling permanently.

What's funny is that HQ really couldn't care less, but had they been bragging to all and sundry about it on twitter for weeks.. ..well one would think the shame would be pretty bad to lose it again, for any length of time, wouldn't it..? :)

In the meantime the traffic-less trophy term "superior seo" search now looks like a newbie SEO v1.0 technique practice ground, with more superior seo spam splatting into Google's index daily..

Butch isnt out of the (2nd place and below ;) ) running yet, which is hardly surprising as he is the SEO Master, the true "5E0 Ma5t4" (and can do for you what no-one else can) and has prepared a high quality superior seo blogspot post to show us this again very recently..

"Search Engine m'Optimizashun (or SEO to us masters) is the Art and Science of getting your website to rank, m'kay?"

And superior seo web design comedian is on a stupendous article & press release binge of truly gargantuan proportions, daily his nonsense appears in the SERP sometimes hourly, and the cheeky monkey is only now quoting a line from our site in this nonsense and then adding his own totally wrong spin to the end of our sentence.. .. and without link attribution too, tut tut..

The latest masterpiece from the superior seo web design spam team has the paragraph quoted below and dissected at length by us..

...Now there are a lot of SEO experts out there who will insist that they know what they’re doing. That they have Google’s “number” and can put you at the top of the search engines.

Lol, boy oh boy there certainly are.

...There’s a couple of things you might want to check though before putting your hard earned money down though. Have them give you a couple of references, folks that they’ve worked with.

Hahaha yes, this search is an awesome display of obtaining a client #1 ranking OUT OF 1 PAGE in Google :)

...As a very trusted source in the SEO world puts it:

Lol, thats us, we are definitely a trusted source, oh yes.. ;)

Superior SEO in the world of web2.0+ is a vision of a world with links by users, for users, that users may actually click

Ok SEO Ibiza copyright stops there. this next line is all clown.

Ensuring that your site has the most it possibly can is the way for your site to be seen appropriately by the search engines.

WTF??!!! No it f***king isnt, we never said that, can't you read? Look again, at the bold bit, and tell us where we said "get the most we possibly can" ??

Tell us where it says spam the f**k out of articles rehashing the same nonsense over and over and over ad infinitum, put out press releases, get your nonsense into the news, embarrass yourself, whilst MIS quoting us?

Superior SEO is about content you muppets, and content is not just the same thing repeated over and over and over again, either onpage, or in oldstyle Google index spamming of press releases and articles NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO READ (well seriously, anyway)

So, SpamPageRankings, when you read this, you should really have a look through the SEO Master's collection of Superior SEO spam, it's far more extensive than yours, (so far, granted at this rate you'll catch him quickly) and see how far articles and press releases got him in this comedy SERP.

Final note, our spec ops superior seo design project is coming along nicely, see screenshot below, we still have to just swap just a couple of the positions around, but it's coming, oh, it's coming.. ;)

Maltese Web Design Numpty Revisited

Right listen up, remember "Numpty of the Year 2007" ?

No, no, not "Dick - D1g1tal numpty" this was the Maltese web design Lemon remember?

He was never officially titled Numpty 2007, but that's all about to change - it's this twat, the Maltese Web Gimp "who doesn't believe in SEO" ?

Intel shows that he is up to his old tricks again, deleting and changing sites he has had strict instructions from the owners to leave alone for more than a year now.

If this was in the interests of the owner, this would be one thing, however it is not, it is being done specifically to bait HQ, who you can be assured are now well and truly baited and were sounding a bit like a bad Tourettes attack on the radio this morning.. :)

So we have orders to let the target have a full volley of the spec ops treatment, and this time we're going to out him by name and put his trophy post right underneath his company name in the charts, and we are going to explain in full, why companies who are interested in their website doing any business on their behalf, should avoid gimp web design at all costs.

There's a command briefing this afternoon to decide appropriate action (and phrases) we are pushing for either "Maltese Numpty" or "Maltese Web Gimp" so expect to be mobilizing and moving out this evening, Gimp himself will be very embarrassed upon Googling his company name from tomorrow onwards.

watch this space

edit 10-07-09. it would appear that Intel was partial and incomplete in this case and that for reasons of diplomatic nature this Op is suspended until further notice..

So stand down, get back to your ladies.

D1G1TAL Numpty update

Ok listen up.

D1g1tal numpty has now been handed over to us.

As he clearly now thinks he's home free he is cracking on with his numpty-world domination plan involving "pooling together no-brainers" and getting the shareholders to moonlight as software testers from what we could gather.

Well that's all well and good but recce team think it's just a little bit cheeky, plus a bit retarded, to be putting "SEO" in his meta kw tags :) ..what a numpty.

he's also committed SEO Hall of Cardinal Shame Offence #7

<meta name="robots" content="index, follow">

..what a numpty.

It might be a laugh to now canvass all his latest brand new site'owners explaining the inherent technology and search engine visability challenges they face from their hi-tech, expensive, flash SEO-useless sites. :)

Texas SEO Rednecks

Ok stand to.

SEO Spec Ops are @ Bikini Amber as of 09.00 hours this morning after some "Hooston SEO" type clown opened comms with HQ today with an emailed "Cease & Desist", after initially spamming their blog, then not liking the comment replies.. ?? !! :)

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!

..Said clown was duly given his marching orders in blunt language by return, and we've had the situation under surveillance ever since.

It would appear at this point that the Texan SEO rednecks have tonight deleted their site, and are retreating (run away, run away! :) unless it's just a server error or something.

It was a pretty naff site anyway, giving "SEO Guarantees" and the individual in question does have two more slightly better looking ones to play with, so it's no great loss to the internet.

We've been digging deep and are kinda hoping he tries further intimidation tactics because this redneck SEO is going to have an awfully red neck (and face) by the time he's finished trying to dig himself out of this hole.. :)

watch this space..

SEO Mastery & the Funniest Nav Link Titles Ever..

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SEO Imposters

Ok listen up, long range undercover operatives have been scoping out various SERPs of late and more and more we're coming across blatent SEO imposters.

Now we're not even going to comment on their SEO skills, and as they've been found (in the #30's) in some reasonably competitive searches (SEO services UK et al) they obviously have some idea, when it comes to SEO that is..

We're not saying that they're impersonating SEOs as such, but that they are actually from one place and pretending to be from another.. For example, if you're calling yourself a UK SEO specialist.. dont put grammar like this on your website:

UK SEO Specialists is leading Internet marketing and Search Engine Optimisation Company based in the Manchester (UK) We only believe in ethical way or white hat seo because of there are various disadvantages in black hat seo. Google might be send website in sandbox if use unethical way

We at Uk web design xxxxxxxxxxx is UK based leading website designing company providing professional website design service..

blah blah blah..

So, no UK contact number on the the site/s, just a contact form, and a poor grasp of the English language, not so good for a "UK SEO specialist" eh? :) - in fact, on reading, there's a definite ring of "It ain't half hot mum" about it, truth be told..

We've seen this same thing before in the SEO Sydney searches here SEO spam down under and a few other places.. hmmm... :)

We'll leave you with our favourite lines for last, enjoy :)

Our SEO experts having SEO certificates from various online exams and knowledge of programming so they are able to changes in it.

Our goal is only to deliver maximum valuable traffics to you. We update ourselves as per search engine algorithm and make changes in our strategies which will improve more revenue and deliver traffics

Yes, sure it will :) ..we're sure we will be showing fairly high for SEO imposters shortly, and anyone with a clue can find these sites and judge for themselves :)

Ibiza Living TV update

Right this has been a spec ops project since last summer, so its time for an update.

Many (maybe 3 or 4) of you might remember we declared Googlewar on Living TV 's Ibiza (and hence Virgin) over the pile of sh*te they tried to pass off as the real ibiza last summer.

Well when spec ops get dug into something there's no letting it lie, and as Branson has not yet apologised in person the Google harassment continues. We've linked it into the Ibiza uncovered searches so anyone looking for that gets to see it, and now we've also linked it in with Virgin cable complaints in general (because, in a way, it is, isnt it?) and are starting to see traffic from that.

There is no getting away from it, we are going to make sure anyone with any interest in Ibiza TV or Living TV Ibiza, or Virgin complaints in general, gets the opportunity to read our diatribe.

"They smile in your face, all the time they wanna slate your place the back stabbers, back stabbers, they smile in your face, all the time they wanna slate your place the back stabbers, back stabbers..."

..and don't come back until you're sorry.

Oh, and Google if you wouldn't mind awfully, can you get on and cache this >>SEO India<< please? were waiting on it.

Ok, so anyone wanting to know what actually living in Ibiza would be like follow the link, otherwise, ..as you were.

SEO Troll

So it took its time but SEO trolling seems to have gone overground. For anyone who doesn't know what an internet troll is:

An "Internet troll" or "Forum Troll" or "Message Board Troll" is a person who posts outrageous message to bait people to answer. Forum Troll delights in sowing discord on the forums.

A troll is someone who inspires flaming rhetoric, someone who is purposely provoking and pulling people into flaming discussion. Flaming discussions usually end with name calling and a flame war.

Well obviously seo trolling is just the next level of things.

"Trolling with ability to place your nonsense high up in Google for terms they see"

We spoke out in defence of our Island against "Original Production's" version of Ibiza for Living TV back in the summer, and will often let rip in the pursuit of humor, but this takes the biscuit even for hardened spec ops troops such as ourselves.

This guy has actually set up a purpose-made blog, specifically to troll local businesses, and totally cringingly, is basically taking out his sour grapes on "proposed to" clients who've knocked him back on quotes!

No really, check... Sh*t - websites - nofollowed because we are laughing at him, not vouching for him, and are certainly not falling for linkbait as bad as this, and the boss nags us for being unprofessional on here.

This man's company is called "Clever Marketing" but we kind of doubt that now, and think he'll have to come up with something a bit better than this to catch us in the seo services Spain searches. Let us know how the "clever Marbella marketing" plan goes eh?

Marbella lol. might as well be San Antonio...