SEO Humor

Ok it's back to analytics for some more amusing longtail hits in the funny things people typed over the last couple of months.

Mostly from here, the spec ops blog, but a couple (with permission) from random client & friends blogs and sites. We've separated them out into SEO humor and non-seo humor as not everybody thinks SEO geekiness is as funny as we do.

So start off with non-seo related humor, and we can see the way you dirty animals are all thinking - we've had to replace letters with * in places as we dont want google thinking we're one of those blogs, but we've hits (some from images too) from:

• the fittest lady in the world
• nude female dj
• site da smokin
• luxury s*x furniture
• "wants to go to ibiza badly"
• bad things that could happen to a tourist in Ibiza
• may i have your attention please return to Ibiza
• giving finger
• sh*t workers Ibiza 2008
• desperados Ibiza free
• Ibiza is my spiritual home
• three in one superior snippers
• free ibiza uncovered p*rn.com
• ibiza porn government
• ibiza sh*t party 08
• inebriated dictionary
• ibiza beautiful people naked
• richest person in Ibiza + address
• post free ads in the london website
• the finger

And then we have the SEO related hits, most amusing (to SEO's obviously.. )

• shit seo -
  
• fit lady seo
• dofollow blogs dj equipment comments posting
• what is seo assistants
• what is blog integration
• how to do keyword sniping
• what is keyword snipper
  

we are actually number one for Shit SEO after Living TV's Ibiza's googlebashing and don't really want it :) ..so we'll try and help a new site take their rightful place

The "what is" and "how to" queries wouldn't be so funny except you know these are the next people to put SEO websites up and proclaim they are SEOs on DP, usually with some sort of basic level question about "how to" in public on the forum. :)

edit 12-11-08 - today from blog HQ. "how can we made seo expert" :)

and as for mr "dofollow blogs dj equipment posting" ..well you found us, we're dofollow, why didn't you comment? :)

....its a funny old game.

SEO Humour - Funniest post of the week..

So whilst HQ are breaking the news to the SEO world about the google algo update we're trawling for clues and found this beauty over on Googlegroups of all places.

Hello, can you google people help, my site www.blindsuk.net has been
in top slots at google for a long time but today i just vanish. I
spend fortune each month on buying links in, i have more than 30,000,
i need ranking back as no traffic and i am nearly sold business.

And before you all start saying paid links bad that not true, my slots
have been stolen by man who buying more then even me see www.blinds4uk.co.uk

Can you solve problem immeadiatly or i must take legal action!

we kid you not.. :)

SEO Freebies for mates

Its been raining here this last few days and that usually always means muchos internet mischief, and sometimes even getting enough time to look at the ever growing list of freebies for the bosses mates.

The internet mischief will likely be in the form of trying to slip as many dirty double entendres in as we can without it really noticing.

So it's been a couple of months since bosses pal in Malta launched his new real estate website and as we didn't build it from scratch and were limited greatly by the design we couldn't get it right from the start, so it's not as strong as it should have been.

And obviously summer's over now and he's stopped laying around in the sun all day, so now he wants to get started on it just as our client workload goes ballistic. tut.

Anyway as the navigation is all very natural (totally unoptimised) and the designer has seen fit to lock everything that matters away within a dreamweaver template upon which the site is constructed on (?!) we have little option really but to add in some better seo content in the form of new a couple of new "built to rank" pages outside of that framework.

It's a good job contextual linking works better for integrating new pages into a site because apart from editing each page in notepad that's the only real option.

So introducing Property in Gozo and her cute little sister Property in Malta, and while we're at it say hi to B&B Ibiza - Ibiza Accomodation & Bed & Breakfast - it's HQ's latest seo web design project an sbs sniper no less, but more bloody freebies to mates.

Alliances the boss calls them, unpaid overtime more like. anywa due to an over exuberent xml sitemaps plugin this one already had a "dry" launch i.e. without feeling the wet warmth of Ibiza linklove injected deep into it's latent ranking potential at it's Google debut, but the owner is still still twiddling so it's time to give that one too.

Right, hold it down.. Ibiza out.

Video Marketing by Numpties

What's the point if it doesn't convert? c'mon, honestly, what's the point?

you might well end up with your video on the first page, like the SEO Rapper did, and still ranking highly for "link building" all this time later, but exactly how many people do you think see Digital numpty-boy and think, I know, I'll get him to do my link building? :)

But at least that one pulls it off by sheer humour / entertainment / originality, whereas this next example is just spam by any other name. Video SEO spam maybe, but hardly deserving of a Google front page for a hotly contested term, by the best small business SEO services companies around.

Check this. small business seo

..it routinely shows up on Google Page 1 for "small business seo" :)

bwahahahaha!! mum always said if you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, so we'll shut up now.